'Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked' Spoiled by Naked Man's Pursuit for Sex and Crack

January 4, 2012


A crowd hoping to sit down and enjoy Jason Lee screaming at sentient karaoke chipmunks received a shock last Thursday when a Chicago man stood up naked from the front row of a showing of Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, crossing the franchise's unwritten rule of only heavily implying chipmunk sexuality but never actually showing a dick.

The incident occurred only a half-hour into a showing of the film, barely allowing captivated audience members to settle into the intriguing premise that Jason Lee has taken his sentient rodent family on a tropical cruise for some reason. It was at around 4:30 that Edward L. Brown is accused of rising from his seat--at the time, seemingly roused by the powerful onscreen emotions--only to reveal that he was bare-ass naked. He further confirmed this fact by turning towards the 86-member audience and outstretching his arms--possibly inspired by Alvin's hilarious and timely Titanic reference (above)--before reportedly "sitting back down to enjoy the movie," Brown clearly curious to see how it is the chipmunks get stranded on an island now that everyone had seen his flaccid penis swaying in tune to The Chipettes' Willow Smith cover, "Whip My Tail."

Worsening the offense: it turns out Brown didn't even purchase a ticket to this squeakquel. According to his account, he'd been snuck in by an unknown female who had told him to get in the front row of Chipwrecked, take off his clothes, and wait for her to return with a bounty of crack, heroin, and intercourse for him. Front row of Alvin and the Chipmunks 3 is basically the new "behind the 7-11, back near the dumpster where those cameras can't sees ya."

Non-naked theater-goers were offered vouchers or refunds as compensation for their children being forever scarred by a crackhead's expectant nudity. Brown was jailed, his bail set at $100,000, "charged with three felony counts of sexual exploitation of children, aged 4, 6 and 6; one misdemeanor count of sexual exploitation of a minor aged 14; and one misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct," as there seems to be some expectation to keep your clothes on during the film, however provocatively the Chipettes may sway. Dave eventually showed up to the island to rescue the Chipmunks, because despite the trouble they cause him, he ultimately loves them all very, very much.

Naked man interrupts 'Chipmunks' at North Riverside Mall theater [RBLandmark]


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