'Twilight: Breaking Dawn' Will Likely Have $140+ Million Weekend, Will Finish Ruining Woman's Body

November 16, 2011


By Summit Entertainment's estimates, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 will bring in between $110 and $125 million domestic this weekend, while rival studios contend it will more likely be in the $140 million area. But for Twilight fan Cathy Ward, seen above covered in supernatural melodrama, the premiere of Breaking Dawn's first chapter means more than box office numbers: it means finally finishing the process of completely ruining her flesh.

The 50-year-old hopes that tonight, at the UK premiere of the latest Twilight film, she will at last get star Robert Pattinson to sign her arm--a crucial, long-awaited step that will begin the process of first getting the autograph tattooed, then getting the rest of her arms and chest done, finally accomplishing her dream of becoming a living, menopausal mural of young-adult fiction. And only then will she become the warrior capable of perhaps defeating Avatar tattoo guy. Good luck.


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