Mar 30 2010E*TRADE Talking Baby Movie Will Be Funny Because Babies Don't Talk About Stocks or at All

Damn you, Hollywood, always raping all my favorite intolerable Super Bowl commercials from my two-years-ago!

Undaunted by the task of following in the comically precocious footsteps of Look Who's Talking, Look Who's Talking Too, Baby Geniuses and, yes, even Baby Geniuses 2: SUPERBABIES, 20th Century Fox is reportedly working with E*TRADE to add a feature film to the never-ending collection of babies-talk-stocks-on-a-webcam commercials. Yes, we're getting an E*TRADE baby movie. An E*TRADE baby movie.

Have we so soon forgotten the lessons learned from the Geico Cavemen television series, the 7-Up Spot and Domino's Noid video games, and all the California Raisins merchandise in my parents' garage? Commercials should never be considered actual entertainment--except for that really crazy, psychedelic Friskies commercial, which I literally sprint across my apartment to catch.

But more importantly than the commercial thing: it should legitimately be a crime to still be making talking baby movies in 2010. Particularly when we still have so many animal species that have yet to be lent a voice through CGI.

Reader Comments

How will Lindsay Lohan react?


They combined the 2 most boring things on Earth, Babies and stock trading. Ben Stein shows up, everybody passes out.

@ 1 Awesome comment.

I want some cat food.

Ok, come on! they're not even TRYING to look like they care even more... a movie seriously made about an E*TRADE commercial? Did someone lose a bet?

And what the **** is in that cat food?

I loved the Cool Spot game


the end is near. oh dear god.

This is going the movie that causes me to complete my spiral of hatred, resulting in my becoming a villain, and then, eventually with enough hard work and dedication, a fucking super villain. My first evil plan will be to fucking destroy this stupid planet for allowing this movie to be made.

Everyone cool can start anew with me on the moon, where films are decent, but the moon popcorn sucks ass.

I love to see movies in the theatre. I go less and less as the prices go up and options for home viewing get better and better, but I still go - especially to see Scarlett Johannson in black spandex while Iron Man blows shit up. I like that movies are doing well right now - even though it is due to the recession and people spending less on other things. But I truely want this movie to fail. I want it to set records for failure. I want it to be so bad and so unsuccessful that it is pulled from theatres on Monday rather than running for the full week. I want these things so that nobody ever gets the itch in the ass to make another movie like this again.

#10... um... can i be a part of this moon colony you are making? (i'll make pop-corn! GOOD pop-corn!)

Def need some henchmen and henchbroads to help me with this thing. Fuck you ETrade babies! We are friggin DONE with this planet.

so that's a yes?

room for one more?

You remember that episode of South Park where they showed Johnny Cochran waving a monkey puppet around and the guy's head exploded? That's what happened to me when I found out this was real. Jesus Christ on a cracker in hell.

All those who simply can not abide the popularity of Earth's latest stupidities are welcome to join my organization, which is evil, based on the moon, and will give us a reason to wear capes. Incidentally, if this movie gets made, we may just end up flinging the moon into the Earth. OR...we just move it a little closer. mwahahahha!

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