Nov 19 2008'Poseidon' Writer Taking a Crack at 'Oldboy'

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Mark Protosevich, writer of The Cell, The Poseidon, and The I Am Legend, is being courted by Steven Spielberg and Will Smith to write their ill-conceived Oldboy remake. From the Hollywood Reporter:

In a potential high-profile star-writer reunion, "I Am Legend" co-scribe Mark Protosevich is in early talks to pen the remake of "Old Boy" that boxoffice king and "Legend" star Will Smith is developing with director Steven Spielberg.

DreamWorks secured the remake rights from Mandate Pictures, which also is staying involved in the project. Although the studio was meeting with several high-profile writers to do the adaptation, Smith invited Protosevich to meet with Spielberg on the project.

In case you're unfamiliar with Protosevich's writing, here are some samples of what the IMDb has deemed "memorable quotes" from films he's written.

From Poseidon:

Jennifer Ramsey: [walks to poker table with Christian] We're going downstairs now. Robert Ramsey: Ok, have fun... Hey Jen... Jennifer Ramsey: [looks down at her cleavage] The twins? Dad...

Elena: I feel like I know your dad.
Jennifer Ramsey: He was mayor of New York for a while, back when I was a kid.
Elena: Cool.
Jennifer Ramsey: It wasn't.

From The Cell:

Carl Stargher: Why are you here... don't lie. Catharine Deane: I came to help you. Carl Stargher: Bitch, whore... Catharine Deane: You sound like your father. Carl Stargher: [in a monster's voice] HE WAS NOTHING, HE IS NOTHING!

Carl Stargher: Me got boy! Boy me got!

And from I Am Legend:

Neville: Eat your vegetables. Don't just push 'em around, eat 'em. I ain't playin'!

Neville: I like Shrek.

So, in addition to Will Smith starring in an Oldboy remake, this is the kind of writing you can expect. Because out-of-context quotes (some of which may have been added in re-writes by other writers) are always an accurate test of someone's writing ability.

Reader Comments

I hope its PG-13...

HA HA HA HA HA HA
Oh God, next we'll all hear Brett Ratner's co-producing...

I hope everyone involved in the mistake dies during production

i dont give a shit. i cant wait to see the look on will - 'the legend'- smith's face after he find out he just banged his daughter. same goes for the audience's reaction ahahaha

if they take that part of the storyline out they can fuck RITE off.

someone post youtube clip of the ramseys' scene posthaste

Im with pluto28... fall backwards onto something very sharp and rusty and die!!!

Spielberg raped Indiana Jones, which was his to rape at least. Now he's going to rape Oldboy. If anyone believes he won't rewrite the ending their on crack, there's no way in hell Spielberg and Smith are doing Oldboy as is. Fuck remeber AI that shit looked like it had 20 different endings, one to please everyone.... ohhh and I'm sure there's going to be aliens somewhere somehow

I hope it has aliens.

This is a terrible idea. I'm seriously pissed about this one.

I will never ever ever ever ever see this. What the fuck.

What, no sympathy for Mr. Vengeance starring Adam Sandler? You've got a whole trilogy to fuck up here, don't keep us waiting.

Spielberg cannot call himself an admirer of fine art after pulling this douche move.

@bah

Shia LaBeouf will star as the main character in all 3 of the Vengeance movies. And yes - he'll be Lady Vengeance, too.

Oh F*king hell Stealberg--really?? You're incapable of crafting a fictional character with even a shadow of darkness and now you want to...what?? Take a paragon of brilliant, brutally ironic reality and turn it into a backdrop for a hackneyed John Williams cue?

fab.

I can't wait for the really clever way you redo the 'putting together the pieces' memory flashback...Vegas odds it involves your patented 'push into look of wonder' as Will-Su watches through the school's broken window on your.... inspired casting of who?? Hmmm...Viggo? With Sam Rockwell as the best friend?

The only way I'd watch this is if Stealberg was the one locked away...of course then the movie wouldn't be "done" till 2024...but I'd be first in line then...

Now I know there isn't a god. For a movie as wonderful as Oldboy to be RAPED by Hollywood saddens me to my core. Whats next? Ichi the killer? Audition? Three Extremes? Lady Vengance?

Why can't fucking Hollywood leave asian cinema alone? Hey lets remake this japanese horror movie and it will sell like hotcakes. Oh we dont have to do a good job at it because no one will ever know we ripped this movie off.

@bah

Nah, Megan Fox as Lady Vengeance would be bad enough

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