Oct 28 2008Jonas Brothers Starring in Farting Dog Movie

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For the last month, the box office has been dominated largely by half-CGI dogs and, more recently, strained Disney Channel musical acts, so while I can't say this news is a surprise, I can say that it makes me choke back puke:

Fox has locked the Jonas Brothers to make their feature starring debut in "Walter the Farting Dog." Based on a bestselling series of books by William Kotzwinkle and Glenn Murray, the film is being adapted by Alec Sokolow and Joel Cohen into a family film that will revolve around Nick, Joe and Kevin Jonas, as well as their younger brother Frankie.

Phew, thank god you're getting younger brother Frankie involved. Get that kid in on the act before he experiences the desires that your chastity vows deny! He's already eight; why isn't he on my posters??

The title character in the "Walter" books is a fat dog with severe flatulence. The brothers play musicians whose parents are asked to care for the dog by an aunt just before she passes away.

Ahhh, they're playing MUSICIANS--like they actually are! I smell musical numbers! And comic farts! What's an example of how this would play out though?

"By the time they've driven the dog home, everybody's head is out the window of the family station wagon but Frankie, and only because he has a serious sinus problem and doesn't notice the stench coming from Walter."

Hah! Serious medical issue! Classic! All this film needs now is a jewel heist, invoking that weird, specific kids' movie cliché of kids stopping bumbling criminal caricatures.

While his brothers play music, Frankie and the gaseous hound get involved in a plot that involves liberating a koi fish and thwarting jewel thieves.

And you know what else? Peter and Bobby Farrelly are directing. Remember in junior high and high school, after Dumb & Dumber and There's Something About Mary, when you'd say how much you loved those guys? Well, they've since made The Heartbreak Kid, Fever Pitch, Stuck on You, and now Fart Dog, and I think it's time to definitively amend that statement to, "I loved those guys for a brief period in junior high and high school."

Reader Comments

poop

Dude, Walter the Farting Dog is Epic
how dare they screw it up!

poop

You'd think those little millionaire bastards could afford new pants.

grandpa? so you're not dead? You don't send me christmas cards anymore!

Dog + Fart = See on Opening Night (twice)

Dog + Fart + Jonas Brothers = Ah fuck it...I'll still see it. IT'S A FARTING DOG!

The book was awesome.
I can't comment on how these kids books into movies will turn out. Still have to see how "Where the Wild Things Are" will look first.

Did I just compare a WTWTA to a book about a farting dog?

Sometimes, even though I live here, I wish California would fall into the sea.

Holy shit, for about 15 seconds I really thought I had read "Joel Coen" in the first quote and almost barfed my Cocoa Puffs.

That young boy on the right is doing his Ashton Kutcher impression.

See, this is why being a virgin isn't something to be proud of.

So Frankie "Don't-Call-Me-'Andy-Gibb'" Jonas is finally getting in on the action. I expect only good things and happily-ever-afters. (read: death by cocaine)

Do I go to hell for insinuating the inevitable drug-related death of an 8-year-old?

The only one I want to tell is-- they are cut, especially nick!!!!!
I love soooooooo much Jonas Brothers or JoBros

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