Sep 25 2008This Movie Will Make You Scared To Touch Unsanded Wood Ever Again

splinter-trailer.jpg

Over the years, horror movie protagonists have been forced deal with foes wielding a diverse arsenal of chainsaws, knives, machetes, saws (Saw wielded a saw, right?), and basically anything that can be used to stab or bludgeon someone. But there's one deadly weapon that's always been considered too big a threat for even the horror genre to take on... until now! I'm talking of course about splinters. Like "splinter" splinters? The non-threatening nuisance? Yes. But in this case THEY'RE DEADLY. I guess.

Here's the trailer. I wish there were tweezers strong enough to pluck it out of my memory.

By the way, Splinter, "splinters" and "spines" aren't the same thing. Just something to keep in mind for Splinter 2.

Reader Comments

Why do this omnipresent evil forces keep trying to kill us in such unrealistic ways?

I know just making our heart stop isn't that cruel but it's much more efficient then fucking throwing splinters at people...

i don't get it.

why do the people who edit horror trailers always do the same thing?...the really fast cuts, and flashes of frames...it may have been appropriate/useful the first time, but now it's just...boring.

I thought the trailer was pretty good. I prolly wouldn't go to see it at the cinema, but I might download it if it comes out on the net.

I've had a splinter before, they suuuuck

Uh
Is Ricky Schroeder directing this one?

lets see... looks like there's a strobe light somewhere, weird *DUH* sounds to freak people out, people screaming, people running away, choppy editing so for the half second you don't see you're terrified..... and fucking SPLINTERS man!!!!!
this will be a classic

Wow, it really is about murderous splinters. I'm going to make a movie called Shiver but instead of being a vague reference to multiple uses of the word, its just going to be about people shivering themselves to death.

I read the script for this. It sort of reminded me of "The Thing" because the monster is a shapeshifter type thing. It wasn't bad but this sort of looks like crap.

beware: giant porcupine on the loose.

gayest shit ever award!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yesssss they win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From the trailer, it looks like a cross between Cabin Fever and The Mist. But with the genius addition of splinters, of course.

I think it's actually a cross between Cabin Fever, The Mist and Never Back Down.

Tell me that's not the chick from the "you gotta put Mercury on your list!" commercials.

had to "hit the jump" to find out the movie's title, but i should have just assumed...

>.<

I hope they have Neosporin in that convenient store or that's going to be a bad infection.

Bonkbonkbonk, you're an idiot. I'm not watching this idiot trailer, but the girl you're referring to is Jill Wagner. Yes she is the Mercury girl but she also had a starring role in Blade: The Series, which was quite good. She's hot, and a great actress, so you can go fuck yourself.

That gave me a headache - eff this movie!

Buddy Love is angry that he had to imdb that himself.

this movie is about sonic the hedgehog having AIDS

guy missing an arm @ 1:20

Omg.. there was no splinter in that movie. I hate misleading titles like that!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

looks so stupid, they should make a sequel called toothpick

oh god pooper your funny....

i was pretty much lost on the whole trailer.

This is a dumb movie, but don't pretend 'death by splinters' doesn't make you cringe. We've all had splinters, and they suck dick. Bitch to get out, too.

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