Jul 15 2008'HSM 3' Trailer! (If You Don't Know What That Means, Try Not To Find Out)
I won't pretend to understand the prolonged relevance of not one but several of Disney Channel's saccharine programs, but it's somehow reality, and here's more evidence of that: the trailer for High School Musical 3, which for some reason will be in theaters instead of basic cable.
I totally can't believe the end of the trailer shows the basketball trophy. Now I know the part where the basketball court turns into American Beauty and Zac Efron, through song, asks Vanessa Hudgens for the strength to "turn it up; game on" must work. Talk about a spoiler.
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Jul 14 2008Larry David Bringing Back 'Curb', Is Uncharacteristically Excited
L.D. is officially bringing back Curb Your Enthusiasm for a seventh season on HBO! Another year of laughs that will also fuel my crippling neuroses! In celebration, enjoy a season 5 highlight under the cut. I mean, assuming you're in an environment where you can listen to a minute-long monologue about getting up in someone's asshole.
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Jul 14 2008'Ghost Town' Trailer Now Haunting the Internet
Dreamworks has released the trailer to Ghost Town, starring Ricky Gervais, Greg Kinnear, and Tea Leoni. It looks something like if The Sixth Sense was a broad, moralistic comedy, or like a non-Christmas Carol-based Scrooged. Gervais looks typically entertaining as another variation of a jerkier version of himself, but the film appears otherwise unwatchably trite. How are assholes still being exemplified by stealing cabs and purposely closing elevators on people? At this point, that's no longer acting like a jerk--that's intentionally imitating the way poorly-written jerks act in movies, which is more like acting like a highly-disturbed sociopath. But I guess the summary "mean-spirited man gets rehabilitated by amusing ghosts" probably sells better than "imitative sociopath haunted by memories of Talk Soup."
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Jul 14 2008'Hellboy' Heats Up Weekend, Because Hell is Typically Depicted as Very Hot
Weekend box office numbers!
1. Hellboy II: The Golden Army - $35.9 million, beating the first film's opening by over 12 million despite not using any of my brilliant advertising strategies.
2. Hancock - $33 million, but it could have been so much more if only "Big Willy" had made a bland rap for this one. Is he done with that?
3. Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D - $20.6 million, surely missing the top spot due to its bigoted, cyclops-excluding marketing campaign. One should not need binocular vision to enjoy a film.
4. Wall-E - $18.5 million. Has the summer's cute robot bubble burst???
5. Wanted - $11.6 million. Wait a minute.... where's Eddie Murphy Alien inside Eddie Murphy Ship?
Oh...
7. Meet Dave - $5.3 million. Yeah, that's right. Eff you, Meet Dave.
Weekend Box Office [Box Office Mojo]
Jul 14 2008'Where the Wild Things Are' Will Not Be 'Bland, Sanitized Studio Movie,' Assures Studio Stooge
After months of speculation on the fate of Spike Jonze's Where the Wild Things Are, Warner Brothers' Alan Horn has come forward to speak about the reportedly doomed project. Speaking to the LA Times, Horn clarified that Jonze has not been taken off the project, adding that Warner is not trying to make the dark children's book into a "bland, sanitized studio movie." They simply want it cut in such a vapid, anodyne way that it will appeal to everyone:
"We've given him more money and, even more importantly, more time for him to work on the film," Horn said. "We'd like to find a common ground that represents Spike's vision but still offers a film that really delivers for a broad-based audience. We obviously still have a challenge on our hands. But I wouldn't call it a problem, simply a challenge. No one wants to turn this into a bland, sanitized studio movie. This is a very special piece of material and we're just trying to get it right.
Horn then added that the title will be changed from Where the Wild Things Are to Where Those Lovable, Cuddly Things--Think Sort of a Live-Action "Monster's Inc." Vibe--Are. Such as Toy Stores, Where You Can Buy Plush Versions of These Wonderfully Charming Characters.
Jul 11 2008Official Silhouette of 'Avatar' Alien; Suitable for Nerdy Mudflaps, Drawing in a Features of Ex-Girlfriends
At long last, as apparently seen on a T-shirt given to crew, we're finally granted the privilege of seeing the vague outline of an alien from James Cameron's Avatar! Yeah, I know. I think it's time to call it a weekend.
Jul 11 2008New 'Max Payne' Shots Prove Functionality of 'Rotate °90' Tool
Mark Wahlberg levitates while demonstrating his Spencer's novelty pistol lighters that always fire parallel to the ground regardless of how they're aimed.
More unfortunate Max Payne shots here.
Jul 11 2008'Outlander' Trailer: Classic Battle of Vikings Vs. Alien Beast Finally Visualized
Attention to all my friends: you know all those long, stupid conversations we have where we ask each other pointless questions and debate them ad nauseam--like if X-Men's Beast could take Donkey Kong in a fight, or how many toddlers Mike Tyson could take out (in a hypothetical environment of infinite toddlers) before succumbing to fatigue and ultimately being overtaken? Well, someone has been bugging those conversations, and they're now releasing one of them as a movie that you'd think would be a Sci Fi Channel original but isn't. It's the scenario where we were like, "OK, how about like a full viking army versus this really awesome space dragon? BUT, the vikings have Ron Pearlman and a futuristic humanoid who once played Jesus on their side."
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