Oct 15 2009 Someone Airbrushed Zac Efron on This Guy's Jacket

That's not a criticism. I'm just thinking that if we could replace the Orson Welles and Claire Danes portraits with people who are more relevant--say, Robert Pattinson and a fictional hybrid of Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron--I think we could have a bestselling jacket on our hands. Someone mock that up; I'll schedule a meeting with Kohl's.

'Me and Orson Welles' Poster Premiere [Cinematical]

Oct 8 2009 'Me and Orson Welles' Trailer: O.W. Up'n Stole Zac Efron's Best Girl!

Congratulations, chubby extra: despite very nearly ruining the shot, you made it in the movie! Well done. Now here's the rest of the bland historical-rom-com-trailer/Orson-Welles-impression-reel so you can see if you made it in anywhere else:

Continue Reading " 'Me and Orson Welles' Trailer: O.W. Up'n Stole Zac Efron's Best Girl! "

May 20 2009 This Guy I'm Barely Familiar With Now in 'Footloose'

Zac Efron and Chace Crawford: both are up-and-coming, bright-eyed young stars, both are popular with teenage girls, and both arrived from the plane of Faerie about twenty-five millennia ago (source). So when Efron announced he'd be dropping out of his starring role in Paramount's Footloose remake, there was, of course, only one overly-pretty face to take his spot:

Chace Crawford has signed on to star in Paramount Pictures' remake of "Footloose."

The Kenny Ortega-helmed project had been thrown into doubt when Zac Efron decided against making another tuner so soon after "High School Musical 3" and instead signed on for "The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud."

Although Crawford's involvement has long been rumored, his reps were only just now able to ink a deal to bring the "Gossip Girl" star aboard the pic.

Whatever. Either way, Kevin Bacon is rolling in his Bacon Brothers Band stool.

Chace Crawford set for 'Footloose' [Variety]

Apr 13 2009 Zac Efron Joining Unnamed Boy Adventurer Adaptation

Welp, Zac Efron is reportedly playing Jonny Quest. Disappointing, but not surprising; the guy had been talked about for the role since rumors started that Warner wanted Jonny to be less towheaded child, more dreamy and kissable. But Geoff Boucher at the L.A. Times has also learned of another rumor that does come as a bit of a shocker: the Jonny Quest movie may not contain the name Jonny Quest. What?

Now it looks like the rumors are true and that the plum role is going to Zac Efron, the 21-year-old pretty-boy star who is hoping the action role will help him dance away from youth-pop vehicles and whip up a career-redefining franchise in the Indiana Jones mode. (Dwayne Johnson is circling the project as well and would be the brawny version of pilot and man-of-action Race Bannon.)

I'm more dismayed by news that folks at Warner Bros. are thinking of jettisoning the name Johnny Quest altogether. Why? I hear the thinking is that the vintage animation roots of "Quest" will somehow pair it in the public mind with "Speed Racer," which was a major Warners pile-up as blockbuster films go, considering the investment, expectations and critical reception.

So, as I understand it, the thinking here is:

1. Buy movie right to famous property under the assumption that its name is famous and desirable enough to draw an audience.

2. Abandon that name for absurd fear of association with a completely unrelated project that also happened to be an adaptation of an old cartoon.

3. Also slightly alter the premise so that the child adventurer is now an adult adventurer.

I think I get it. My only suggestion for improving this plan, if they do decide to remove the Quest name altogether, would be to maybe add an announcement to the end of the movie that says, "Guess what, you fools: this was secretly a Jonny Quest movie!" Sort of a final "fuck you."

Feb 17 2009 High School Musical and The Rock in a Hanna-Barbera Adventure

Welp, we still can't figure out how make computers allow Steve McQueen and a Silver Spoons-era Ricky Schroeder to be perfectly cast in a Johnny Quest movie, so we're just going to make it with Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron instead:

Seems Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, “Race” director Andy Fickman, and “High School Musical” moppet Zac Efron are teaming up for a feature film version of the cartoon classic “The Adventures of Johnny Quest”!

For those that don't recall, the animated series (first aired in the 60s) told of a boy, 11-year-old Jonny, who accompanies his father, Dr. Benton Quest, on extraordinary adventures. Fearing Jonny could end up in the wrong hands, a special agent / bodyguard / pilot from Intelligence One Government, Race Bannon, is hired to guard and train him.

Johnson confirms that he’ll be Race Bannon, and that rumours suggesting Zac Efron might be Johnny Quest are on the money. Efron isn’t a lock though – and Johnson’s all ears. You see, in the source material the character is only twelve years old, but Efron’s 17. ‘’I loved Jonny Quest when I was a kid. If you go a little older, it gives you more, it allows you to be...it just gives you a bit more, you know. But then you want to honor it too, so... “

The quote ends there, but I assume it continued, "so.... screw it, actually--let's not honor it. Let's bleach my hair right now so we can get on with doing whateverthefuck and make a Johnny Quest where Johnny is old enough to drive himself home after our little adventure."

The Rock in Jonny Quest movie [Moviehole]

Feb 5 2009 '17 Again' Poster Only Missing Fleshy Pile of Matthew Perry

God, I wish I could be 17 again. Finally shed my square office clothes and emerge from that whitebread husk as this really cool kid, backpack slung over one shoulder, dressed like I'm in Top Gun. Luckily, if the number of movies where an adult somehow becomes young again is any indication of how often it actually happens, my chances are actually pretty good.

17 Again Poster [IMPA]

Oct 22 2008 Matthew Perry is 17.... Again! And Here's the Trailer

I find it so hard to grasp that age-changing movies are a genre unto themselves. What is this, like the twentieth since 1980? It makes sense to do it once as a funny concept, but come on. This is like basing a genre on Being John Malkovich--every year, another high concept comedy where someone takes over the body of a new celebrity. "This horny high schooler wanted nothing more than to get inside Jessica Simpson. Until one day..."

There's no way we'd tolerate that as a genre, would we? Actually, yeah, we probably would. Just like we're putting up with yet another age-changing movie. This time: Matthew Perry just can't seem to connect with his kids--until he is a kid! The kid from High School Musical! Again!

Continue Reading " Matthew Perry is 17.... Again! And Here's the Trailer "

Oct 22 2008 Bacon Wishes Zac Efron 'Best' for 'Footloose' Remake

Kevin Bacon is a god, capable of both givething and takething away. If you're going to try to remake one of his movies, you're going to want to get his blessing, lest your movie dry up into an arid wasteland incapable of sustaining crops or a $20 million weekend. Good thing he's wished Zac Efron the best on the Footloose remake:

Kevin Bacon has officially given his blessing to Zac Efron over his role in a remake of the classic 1980s film FOOTLOOSE. Efron is to assume the role originally played by Bacon in the new film, which is being directed by Kenny Ortega.

I met Zac briefly at an event and we talked, only briefly, but he seemed like a really nice kid," Bacon told Heart FM. "I really do wish him all the best with it."

Bacon then added, "Also, I wish him all the best in being so successful and prolific in mainstream film as to warrant an entire effin' game based around how well-connected you are to so many other famous actors. Yeah, good luck with that you little turd."

Kevin Bacon gives Footloose blessing to Efron [Hollywood News (via /Film)]

Sep 12 2008 'Me and Orson Welles' Clip ('Me' Being The 'High School Musical' Guy)

Thanks to K Lee for sending along this clip from Me and Orson Welles, in which Welles asks Zac Efron if he can sing--as if he hasn't seen High School Musical like a zillion times! To demonstrate that he can, in fact, sing, Efron plays a short drum solo and sings a Wheaties jingle. Only makes sense.

Continue Reading " 'Me and Orson Welles' Clip ('Me' Being The 'High School Musical' Guy) "

Aug 22 2008 Zac Efron Pretending to be an Actor in 'Me and Orson Welles'

Twitch Film has the first look at Zac Efron not in a school's musical production, starring in Richard Linklater's Me and Orson Welles. I've been skeptical of Efron's part because he has an aging-sprite-like quality I find jarring, but maybe the casting will end up somehow getting a new generation of tween girls into the works of Welles (that won't happen). Or if this doesn't work, maybe MTV can make a hip-hop dance competition-based romance called Citizen K. Rosebud can be a do-rag?

May 1 2008 'High School Musical 3: Senior Year' Poster, Never Change, BFF 4 Ever

Pretending I saw both of the first High School Musicals, I imagine I would have two reactions once the music of the final song faded, transitioning into the opening theme of That's So Raven: 1.) How did I not have to pay for this much entertainment? 2.) What the shit happens next?! October 24, both questions will be answered!*

*Answer 1: Now you do have to pay for it. Answer 2: Punching the air, and probably singing?

New High School Musical 2: Senior Year Poster [Coming Soon]

Jan 18 2008 Efron Meeting Welles, Overjoys Adolescent 'Citizen Kane' Fanbase

Zac Efron, the young actor blurring the line between sprite and terribly effeminate man-child, has scored a role in Richard Linklater's latest, Me and Orson Welles.

Set in 1937, the story centers on a high school student (Efron) who, while strolling the streets of New York, happens upon the yet-to-open Mercury Theatre and is noticed by its mercurial founder, Orson Welles. The man lands a bit part in "Julius Caesar," the production that catapulted Welles to the top, and spends the next week learning about life and love.

Wondering how the Tiger Beat pinup, known mostly for his role in High School Musical, will handle a more dramatic part? I think I have the answer, under the cut.

Continue Reading " Efron Meeting Welles, Overjoys Adolescent 'Citizen Kane' Fanbase "

Nov 28 2007 Matthew Perry Joins '17', Cycle of Endless Age-Changing Movies

There are several lessons you can glean from the popularity and persistence of age-switching comedies like Freaky Friday, Big, and Like Father Like Son.

First, it will be endlessly hilarious if you somehow either age to adulthood or regress to a teenage state overnight, whether due to cursing or surprise wish granting. Second, you will learn an important lesson about being either young or old, depending on which is foreign to you, while remaining largely unfazed that you've experienced proof of magic. And finally, you will discover that people will continually pay to see age-switching comedies, regardless of their quality or originality.

Drawing from this third principle, New Line has a new film in the works that "turns the concept of Big on its head," with Zac Efron playing the 17-year-old version of a just-cast Matthew Perry.

Is this more insulting to Zac Efron, who now must suppose he could age into a fleshy tube and get a reasonable human haircut, or to Matthew Perry, whose youth is being personified as an anime damsel? It might be a tie.

Perry will go from pop to prep for '17' [Hollywood Reporter]

Oct 24 2007 Some Other Crap That Happened...

- Jessica Biel will play the lead in Die a Little, a role she reportedly took in place of Wonder Woman. Meanwhile, I will have sex with an older, barely-conscious woman I find at a bar, taking the place of my fantasies of Jessica Biel as Wonder Woman. [Variety]

- Ty Burell has joined the cast of The Incredible Hulk as the green-haired, super-strong Doc Sampson. Burell can currently be seen on Fox's Back to You, which should not be considered an endorsement to watch that for any reason. [IGN]

- Pirates of the Caribbean writers Terry Rossio and Ted Elliot are working on a Lone Ranger script for producer Jerry Bruckheimer, who will mold it into a multi-billion dollar turd. (PS: Entertainment Weekly, you're really stretching with that "Kemo-savvy" headline.) [EW]

- Leslie Mann has joined the cast of 17 as the wife of Zac Efron, a man who awakens to find himself in the body of a 17-year-old boy again. It all sounds a bit ridiculous to me. I mean, Zac Efron with a wife? [Hollywood Reporter]

Jul 11 2007 I'll Have Another Footloose, Extra Gay, Hold the Bacon

I wish I was queer.../so I could get chicks

Seems that someone out there has discovered that 12-year-old girls have plenty of disposable income and love musicals (I discovered that their panties smell nice, but that's neither here nor there...). Since writing new musicals is kind of hard, Paramount decided to remake Footloose, which was, like, kind of a musical.

The regrettably Bacon-free remake will star Zac Efron (High School Musical, Hairspray) and will be directed by Kenny Ortega (like the chili). The 1984 original, of course, told the story of a rebellious newcomer to a town where dancing has been banned.

It reminds me of my hometown. A place where most folks just couldn't understand that inside this masculine adonis in a crotch-stuffed leotard breathes the soul of a dancer!

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