Oct 26 2009 Brand, Bourne Also Have 'True Grit'

The Coen Brothers are making a more faithful adaptation of True Grit AND proven actors are taking the leads? YES. You thought you'd have to save up Make-A-Wish children to get such a dream come true, but it's happened:

Matt Damon and Josh Brolin are in discussions with Joel and Ethan Coen to join Jeff Bridges in “True Grit,” the re-imagining of the iconic 1969 Western that Paramount Pictures will put into production next March for late 2010 release.

The Coens, who previously attached their “Big Lebowski” star Bridges to play U.S. marshal Rooster Cogburn, are in talks with Damon to play the lawman (played by Glen Campbell in the original) who teams with Cogburn and a 14-year old girl to track her father’s killer into hostile Indian territory.

In a turnabout, Brolin is in talks to play the killer.

So, in short, a good movie with good actors will come out in a year. I'll let you know if I hear about any others.

Sep 11 2009 The Dude and Coens Reuniting in Hostile Indian Territory

It's the reunion you've begged for ever since you were stoned watching Big Lebowski and muttered, "EVERY movie should be with The Dude and Coen Bros." Jeff Bridges is in talks to take on the role that won John Wayne an Oscar in the Coens' remake of True Grit. Variety adds:

The picture, which also reunited the Coens with their “No Country for Old Men” producing partner Scott Rudin, has been redrafted by the Coens to be more faithful to the Charles Portis novel that the original film was based on.

In it, a 14 year old girl tags along with an aging U.S. marshal and another lawman to track the outlaw who killed her father. The trail leads them into hostile Indian territory. The original told the story from Cogburn’s vantage point, but the new version will work from the viewpoint of the young girl. Kim Darby played the young girl in the original, and Glen Campbell played the other lawman.

As much as I like Jeff Bridges, I'm not sure he has the grit quotient for the part. I mean, we're talking a role once filled by JOHN WAYNE. Sand in your teeth doesn't have as much grit at that guy. If we're going to be remaking John Wayne movies, we first need to get in the lab, do the research, and invent an actor made of pure testosterone. Though, there's always the risk that trying to make a lab-made human out of testosterone could end up just creating a giant, sentient testicle, putting us in a worse position than we are now.

Man, I would not want to be the one to make that call. (The call whether or not to create a pure testosterone thespian, knowing the risks of birthing a giant, conscious testicle.)

Jul 24 2009 'Jonah Hex' Poster: The Undertaker and His Slim Girlfriend

Yahoo Movies has premiered the first poster for comic book adaptation Jonah Hex, comfirming that, a) Megan Fox is still useful for providing cleavage and pouty, slightly-parted lips, particularly when several of her ribs have been removed, and, b) apparently every single action movie of the next year is going to star a man dressed like he's in a '90s Tom Petty video. Good to know.

Jun 3 2009 First Look at Josh Brolin as Jonah Hex

I'm not at all familiar with the comic character, so I didn't realize his facial scarring would give him an expression that implies he's permanently pulling deliberately at his collar and muttering a strained "yeeeeeesh."

Two more shots--along with juicy Josh Brolin gossip!--here (via AICN).

May 29 2009 Here's Your Short: Bill Engvall, Gunfighter

The Blue Collar Comedy Tour: it came, it went, it rode again and again until, thankfully, it closed on a third tour-of-duty and its ostensibly lunchpail team dispersed to spread wage-working laughter individually.

Jeff Foxworthy, the patient zero of redneck comedy, famously went on to interrogate adults about their knowledge of elementary school trivia. Larry Cable Guy, meanwhile, has fulfilled his promise to git r done, taking on a movie career that has included providing the voice of Mater in Cars and the voice of bigoted, hilljack ideology in Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Delta Farce, and most recently Witless Protection, while the lesser known Ron White is apparently busy getting into legal trouble for various smoking-related violations.

Which brings us to Bill Engvall, the comedian whose "here's your sign" routine delivered countless "I'm stupid" signs to anyone who dared ask him a rhetorical question. What's he been up to, aside from his beloved self-titled TBS sitcom? I'm glad you asked! He's in an eight-minute short with Machete's Danny Trejo! And yes, there's a trailer that's nearly a quarter of the length of the film:

Continue Reading " Here's Your Short: Bill Engvall, Gunfighter "

Apr 27 2009 Here's Megan Fox Without a Front on Her Dress

Coming Soon has some shots of Megan Fox having her guts crushed in the name of idealized womanhood on the set of Jonah Hex. In the comic book adaptation, Fox continues taking roles that used to go by Jessica Biel by playing a prostitute love interest to Josh Brolin's Hex.

Audiences will surely be measuring the success of their Wild West romance against the epitome of the such an affair, the love/hate relationship of Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster in Maverick, so these guys had better nail it.

Apr 1 2009 Will I Be Able to Take Will Arnett Seriously in 'Jonah Hex'?

Ah, some much-needed Will Arnett to tide us over until the Arrested Development movie (I'm still pretending the Arrested Development movie will happen). The Hollywood Reporter has announced the actor, most famous for portraying Gob on the beloved sitcom, and Michael Shannon have joined Jonah Hex:

Will Arnett and Oscar nominee Michael Shannon are boarding "Jonah Hex," Warner Bros. and Legendary's action Western based on the DC Comics character.

Jimmy Hayward is directing "Hex," whose cast also includes Josh Brolin, John Malkovich and Megan Fox. It's the story of Hex (Brolin), a scarred bounty hunter tracking a voodoo practitioner (Malkovich) who wants to raise an army of the undead to liberate the South.

Arnett will play a Union soldier who enlists Hex and is blindsided by the dirty fighting style of his enemies. The role is not inherently comic.

I don't want to typecast someone as talented as Will Arnett, but keep trying to imagine him being sincere and I'm getting absolutely nothing. I can only conjure images of Gob in a cowboy hat, his raspy voice muttering "Jonah" in the same suspicious, condescending tone he so often whispered "Michael." But in fairness, prior to Jim Carrey's dramatic breakthroughs, I probably would have only been able to imagine him doing The Truman Show as Fire Marshal Bill, so I'm sure Arnett will be fine.

Mar 23 2009 New 'True Grit' Thankfully Not 'True Grittier'-Style Sequel

A remake of True Grit, the John Wayne-starring western that earned the actor an Oscar? That sounds like an idea made by fools! But what if I told you that these "fools," as you so callously regarded them, are the Coen Brothers, and they're planning on writing and directing a version of the film that will more closely reflect the original novel? You'd be thinking this "no way" is becoming an "ok, way":

Not a traditional remake, the Paramount film will be more faithful to the Charles Portis book than the 1969 pic, also distributed by Par.

Portis' novel is about a 14-year-old girl who, along with an aging U.S. marshal and another lawman, tracks her father's killer in hostile Indian territory.

But while the original film was a showcase for Wayne, the Coens' version will tell the tale from the girl's p.o.v.

How will any actor exude as much genuine grit as John Wayne? Those Coen boys have a chore ahead of them in the casting department. And the grit department.

Coen brothers to adapt 'True Grit' [Variety]

Jan 7 2009 Cartoon Elephant Director Taking Half-Mangled Confederate Project

When Crank co-directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor left the Hex adaptation over creative differences, Warner Bros. knew they'd have to find a new director that could bring that certain something to make the project work. And when I'm saying "certain something" here, what I mean is the ability to direct a CGI adaptation of a Dr. Seuss book, because that obviously translates to a gory, supernatural, comic book-based Western. From THR:

Jimmy Hayward, who directed the animated "Horton Hears a Who!" will make his live-action debut with "Jonah Hex," the Warner Bros. western based on the DC Comics character.

Josh Brolin is attached to star in the film, which previously had Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor ("Crank") on board as directors. The duo, who also wrote the script, bowed out over creative differences in November. The studio, which hopes to put the movie into production in March or April, went on a fast-track search, putting together a short list that included such names as Andy Fickman and McG before narrowing it down to Hayward.

OK, I'll assume Jimmy Hayward has diverse enough talent to handle this--he's never been anything but great to me--but why is this being made again? Losing-the-directors time would have been a great time for a Warner executive to speak up and say, "You know what? I'm not sure why we're even pursuing this property. Hex? Who the eff is Hex? We're really making that? Let's just do an Aquaman. Everyone good with an Aquaman? OK, 2010, here comes Aquaman. Good meeting, Warner Brothers."

Oct 9 2008 Has 'Brand' Been Cast in 'Hex'?

About four months ago, an image of Thomas Jane in Two-Face makeup and a cowboy hat showed up on internet, and people started saying, "Whelp, looks like Thomas Jane might be playing Jonah Hex, a comic book character I've only now heard of." Some questions were raised over its authenticity, and Thomas Jane came forward to say, "Yes, that's me in makeup and a cowboy hat, but not because I'm in the movie. I just thought that would be a good way to get the part." Then Hex directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor responded, saying, "Wow, that's really cute, Thomas Jane, but sorry, we're not going to let you play this character that absolutely no one else is enthusiastic about but you."

Now that you're caught up, here's the latest development. Hollywood Elsewhere is reporting Josh Brolin has been signed on for the part (though Brolin has so far denied it):

I'm told that the deal is sealed for Josh Brolin to star in Jonah Hex, based on the graphic novel and directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (Crank, Game) and to be funded and released by Warner Bros. Brolin's rep is not only denying this but claiming Brolin is "not attached," but a voice is telling me to consider the word of a friend who tells me the deal was locked down last night.

I liked Tom Jane a lot on Arrested Development, and he seems like a decent guy, but is it wrong that I kind of want to have Josh Brolin deliver this news to Jane personally by showing up at his house in full Hex costume and firing a gun that pops out a flag that says "I'm hired," which would be videotaped and posted on YouTube? Because I think we should do that.

Aug 8 2008 Viggo's Hat Can Barely Keep the Photoshop Filter from His Eyes in 'Appaloosa' Poster

Here's the poster for Appaloosa, the upcoming Western starring Ed Harris as Old West Guy, Viggo Mortensen as Old West Guy Also, and Renee Zellweger as Female Beetlejuice.

Aug 7 2008 'Appaloosa' Trailer Enters the Cyber Saloon

Sorry for delays today. I had to get past some trojan cookie wyrms that were disrupting The Superhighway. Anyway, here's the trailer to Appaloosa, starring Viggo Mortensen and Ed Harris as old west guys. No further explanation is really needed. Just think of things old west guys do in movies, and that's what happens here.

Continue Reading " 'Appaloosa' Trailer Enters the Cyber Saloon "

Jul 17 2008 John Woo Adapting Comic About This Really Rad Gun

Variety is reporting that John Woo has plans to direct an adaptation of Radical Comics' Caliber. What is Caliber, you ask? It's a comic that takes Arthurian legend and places it in the setting of the Wild West. And how have they done that? By replacing Excalibur with the stupidest gun ever. From the Radical Comics website:

Caliber itself is a tattooed six-gun, given to Arthur by the Indians and imbued with supernatural power.

I thought it was considered a bit uncouth to still refer to to Native Americans as Indians, but OK, ignoring that, a supernatural gun sounds kind of neat. So what's its power?

The secret of the gun is that it is never loaded with bullets, but when a man with Justice on his side is holding it, it can fire.

Just like only Arthur could wield the sword. OK, that makes sense.

Wait, there's more?

When it does [fire], it fires Thunder itself...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? Like the sound, capitalized? Even if you mean lightning, you're seriously saying the gun shoots lightning (or Thunder)? Fine, that's pretty stupid, but still not quiet the stupidest gun ever.

and [it] never misses.

What? So the gun is supernatural, requires no bullets, only fires when "Justice" is on the side of the shooter, shoots "Thunder," and never misses. That is officially the stupidest gun ever. At least until I finish my comic about a ghost gun (literally the ghost of a dead gun) that makes wisecracks, can morph into a car, and shoots living shuriken.

Jun 18 2008 Thomas Jane as Jonah Hex, the Cowboy Two-Face?

Film School Rejects has received what is either an early test shot, concept art, or something for people to comment is a fan photoshop of Thomas Jane as DC comics Western anti-hero Jonah Hex. No names are yet attached to the project in any official capacity, but DC and Warner reportedly hope to get to work on this by mid-2009, just in time to ride the fading wake of The Dark Knight's half-disgusting-face popularity.

May 30 2008 'The Good, the Bad, and the Weird' Trailer Replaces Ugliness with Weirdness

This Korean take on the Western genre is exactly how you'd think it would be: Koreanier. Also, it looks pretty good, and makes a pretty solid case for "throwing knifes at centipedes" to be the new "catching flies with chopsticks."

Trailer for Kim Ji-Woon's Korean Western [Twitch]

Mar 28 2008 'Lone Ranger' is Getting Brucked

Jerry Bruckheimer has a reputation for finding ways to fill any movie with enough star power, CGI, and/or explosions to pander to the unwashed masses, no matter what the subject. But after bringing life to the non-existent ghost-pirate-Disney-ride genre with Pirates of the Caribbean, can even the man often dubbed an "über-producer" revitalize the waning Lone Ranger franchise? I guess we'll find out, as Jerry and Disney have plans to try bringing the masked cowboy to screens.

Bruck has some of his best men (the writers of Pirates) on the script, but trade mag The Hollywood Reporter still doubts the ascotted horseman's viability in modern times, noting such problems as "wearing a mask, using only silver bullets, [and] a creed that includes not killing your fellow man." So apparently the thin line between Batman-level popularity and increasing cultural obscurity is drawn at the ability to kill a werewolf?

Disney preps 'Lone Ranger' remake [Hollywood Reporter]

Nov 6 2007 'High Noon' To Be Remade By Idiot

You can often tell a lot about what kind of movie a producer might make by looking at their past catalog. Looking at the works of producer Jerry Bruckheimer, for instance, tells you that whatever he produces will probably have some explosions, stilted romance, overdone effects, and a quality that makes people describe it with annoying sayings like "popcorn flick" and "I liked not having to think."

So when it was announced that the remake rights to the classic Gary Cooper Western High Noon were purchased by Mark Headley, people naturally started to see what this fellow had done before. It's not good.

Here is an abbreviated list of the works of Mark Headley:

Vampires on Bikini Beach
Nudist Colony of the Dead
Mirror, Mirror III: The Voyeur
Lethal Cowboy (My favorite, for some reason. As if this were the first cowboy with the capacity to kill.)
Motorcycle Cheerleading Mommas
Johnny Mysto: Boy Wizard
The Brainiacs.com
Bodily Sanctions
Misconduct of Miss Heather Finn
Animal Attraction III
Malibu Spring Break
Dr. Rage
Dr. Chopper

So, if his filmography is any indication, the new High Noon will be made for around $5,000 and will only be rented by 8th graders hoping to skip to the topless scenes.

New 'Noon' on the clock [Hollywood Reporter]

Aug 24 2007 Assassination of Jesse James Trailer #2

One my biggest flaws when judging a film, besides lack of basic knowledge and a general disdain for everything, is that there are certain genres that never seem to win me over. The biggest offender in this category is the Western. There's just something about the whole cowboy mentality, which some would refer to as manliness, that I find impossible to relate to. This has also been the overriding reason that Marlboro advertisements have been largely ineffective on me.

So imagine my surprise when, upon watching this trailer for The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, I found myself genuinely interested. And, even more surprising, I think it's Casey Affleck's performance pulling me in. In this two-and-a-half minute montage, he completely sells me on this awkward, desperate, pathetic, obsessive character. Now that's something I can relate to!

Jul 27 2007 Flaming Cowboys: 3:10 to Yuma Clip

IESB's got an exclusive clip from 3:10 to Yuma. I'm not sure if I would have cast Ben Foster, the gay mutant from X3, as a badass cowboy who wears half-finger gloves, and I'm still not sure I'll buy him in the role.

But I'll tell you one thing, I'm definitely excited for an Elmore Leonard adaptation that doesn't involve the Rock playing a gay hitman.

Jun 18 2007 3:10 to Yuma Trailer is Pure Man Gold

The Crowes literally looked down their noses at the Bales, who were so poor that they were forced to ride large sheepdogs in lieu of horses.

I can't remember seeing a good western since, say, Unforgiven or Tombstone, which makes the 3:10 to Yuma trailer all the more promising. Plus, it's got Christian Bale and Russell Crowe, and everyone knows no one can play an American cowboy like a Brit and a Kiwi.

James Mangold is the brains behind this one, having previously directed Walk the Line, Kate & Leopold, Girl, Interrupted, Cop Land, and Identity, which I'm almost positive was based on the movie Charlie Kaufman's fictional brother wrote in Adaptation. Anyway, bottom line, the guy's last name is "Man Gold."