Aug 4 2009 'Funny People' Beat the Potter
Your weekend box office results. Sorry they're a day later than usual, but the delay does mean these are the final tallies, rather than the estimates. Feel confident transcribing them in permanent ink:
1. Funny People - $22.7 million. Sad when you realize that any of Funny People's intentionally-idiotic Sandler parody films--Astro-Not and Re-Do (above), for example--would have opened to twice that. People just love babies with man-heads so much.
2. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $17.9 million, barely edging past G-Force--probably because it's based on an insanely popular book series instead of the concept of talking guinea pigs as spies.
3. G-Force - $17.5 million. It's probably not doing as well as an Alvin and Chipmunks because of the lack of high-pitched singing. Gotta put some sauce on that pizza or it's just cheese bread; know what I'm sayin'?
4. The Ugly Truth - $13.2 million. Haha! Men have penises and girls have vaginas and they typically behave differently! Haha!
5. Aliens in the Attic - $8 million. Aliens and attics: not a successful combination, it turns out. Ridley Scott is going to have to rethink some things for his Alien prequel.
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Jul 27 2009 Talking Guinea Pigs Last Weekend's Most Popular Film Subject
Here's last weekend's box office top five. Rattle these numbers off at your next party to show your guests you assign some of your memory to remembering how well The Ugly Truth performed financially.
1. G-Force - $32.2 million. The CGI rodent + speech formula continues to work disgustingly well.
2. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $30 million. The star that has all its fan see it opening night burns fastest, Harry.
3. The Ugly Truth - $27 million. Now we can stop those commercials where the characters' actions are arbitrarily assigned gender points? How does Gerard Butler winking earn a point for men?
4. Orphan - $12.8 million. I didn't see this, but I heard about the ending, and it's simultaneously both more out-there and more grounded than I ever would have thought.
5. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs - $8.2 million. It seems unfair Orphan got flack for discouraging adoption but Ice Age didn't. Think about if you adopted a kid and had to take them to see Ray Ramano as a mammoth.
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Dec 1 2008 'The Ugly Truth' Trailer is so True: Men and Women ARE Like That!
No matter what I think about Hollywood's near-vacuum of originality and tendency to pander to the lowest common denominator, I have to occasionally give credit to them for committing to the kind of daring experimentation that advances the medium. I may never desire watching the Star Wars prequels again, but I can respect how the series' advancements in computer effects. And though I'll never, ever watch The Ugly Truth in its entirety, I can appreciate how this trailer answers the question, "What if you locked a 'men are like this, women are like this' stand-up comic in a room and told him to re-write Hitch using a SpikeTV-ized version of Tom Cruise's character from Mangolia."
It's so romantic when a horrible person and a crazy person are able to find love through misogyny:
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