Nov 20 2009 'Last Song' Trailer: Miley Cyrus Gets Her Shot at Bland Teenage Drama
Britney Spears had Crossroads; Mandy Moore had A Walk to Remember; now Miley Cyrus (or is it Hannah Montana when she's acting?) gets her shot at moving from pop songs to insipid melodrama with The Last Song. Based on a Nicholas Sparks book--like A Walk to Remember--the film seems to be about Cyrus/Montana visiting father Greg Kinnear's beach house, meeting a boy, kissing that boy, and the boy executing the fucking strangest, most puzzling romantic gestures he can muster. It's like watching a girl fall in love with a handsome psychotic:
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Nov 19 2009 'Remember Me' Trailer: Robert Pattinson Has Movies Besides 'Twilight' Sequels, You Know
Pierce Brosnan is as surprised as you.
See R. Pattinson continue his bad boy boyfriend shtick while trading in sparkly vampirism for throwing things and smoking indoors (so bad!) in this trailer for Remember Me. As a bonus, you'll also get to see Pattinson get his face slammed into the pavement (therapeutic if you're really sick of this whole Twilight thing) and how a former James Bond has transformed into George Hamilton.
Nov 18 2009 'Percy Jackson' International Trailer: Your iPod Touch Could Fashionaly Save Your Life
Say you're a half-god teenager up against Uma Thurman Medusa. What sort of reflective surface do you think you could you use against her while also communicating a strong brand image? What has the necessary sheen to direct her image back at her while at the same time letting her know, before she permanently turns to stone, that you care about cost, quality, and conformity in your choice of music player? What item could cast back Medusa's powerful gaze and download an application called "iFart"?
Find out in the new Percy Jackson and the Olympians and Zeus and his Lightning Bolt trailer!
Nov 18 2009 Proof Japan Remade 'Sideways'
The person who posted this trailer on YouTube labeled it "bizarre," but the Japanese have created too many genuinely bizarre things to really say this is bizarre. It's more surreal, like you've woken up in a parallel universe where everything is the same, except in Japanese. Though I guess it is a little bizarre how quickly the trailer devolves into a karaoke video:
Nov 17 2009 'Crazy Heart' Trailer: God, Jeff Bridges' Heart is So Crazy
Don't count your Best Actor trophies (one trophy) yet, Morgan Freeman. You may do a good impression of Nelson Mandela in Invictus, M.F., but in Crazy Heart we've got Jeff Bridges in an inspirational return-to-relevance-after-fall-from-grace country singer story. That ranks just below retarded and Holocaust stories on the Guaranteed-an-Oscar scale.
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Nov 16 2009 'Disney's Oceans' Trailer: See Our Maritime Freaks on the Big Screen
Next Earth Day, spend the holiday the way nature intended: see some of the freaks nature has allowed to thrive in our waters with Disney's Oceans.
This trailer is pretty light on the freak fare, but I imagine the actual film must include at least a few examples of deep sea things with jaws so impossibly giant that it's infuriating/cringe-inducing:
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Nov 13 2009 I Think This Is a Newish 'Avatar' Trailer
If you still can't get enough of seeing Sam Worthington's wheelchairing and blue cat people with glowing freckles, here's a relatively new trailer for Avatar. I guess it was run during Fox's last airing of Glee, so it's as old as whenever it is Glee is on. I'll have to check which day on my calendar is marked with a hand doing an "L" thing.
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Nov 11 2009 'Extraordinary Measures': Rated PG for a Mild Suggestive Moment
Brendan Fraser keeps having kids with terminal illnesses. What's a dad to do? A lesser father must just throw in the towel and decide, "Alright, I'll just ride these two out and stop having children," but not Brendan Fraser. He finds Harrison Ford and tells him, "You have to do more science faster!" And Harrison Ford replies, "OK, let's make cures and inspiration!"
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Nov 11 2009 Tyler Perry's Trailer for Tyler Perry's Movie
Tyler Perry isn't like most people. He routinely dresses up like an old woman and films it, for one thing. He also feels the need to point out that he owns all of his movies. But at the root of all these things that make Tyler Perry such a unique cross-dresser is his special brain. It doesn't work like yours and mine.
For example, when you or I see Couples Retreat, we see a lazy, forgettable comedy about troubled couples on a beach resort. In that same film, Tyler Perry sees an unpolished gem, only in need of a month buffing in the Tyler Perry's Insane Melodrama Tumbler to become this:
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Nov 11 2009 'Clash of the Titans' Trailer: This Sweet Music Makes Me Think Something Awesome Should Be Happening!
Imagine if Hercules: The Legendary Journeys had just a few thousand more dollars in its budget. How many extra eight or nine hours Kevin Sorbo could have afforded to spend in the gym; how many tens of more extras could have been employed; how much slightly more realistic the giant CGI scorpions might have appeared; how they could have maybe got Liam Neeson to do a brief cameo to slam his fist on something. Wouldn't that have been pretty mediocre?
Imagine no longer! That Sliders parallel universe is now:
Nov 11 2009 'Kick-Ass' Teaser: Though Unlabeled, Yes, That Is Nicolas Cage in a Seemingly-Decent Movie
Kick-Ass trailer, everyone. If you're considering becoming an amateur superhero with no actual powers, watch this first. I'm not sure if it will discourage you; I just think it's the kind of thing that will probably be relevant and popular in amateur superhero circles, and I wouldn't want you to look foolish.
Nov 9 2009 'Slammin' Salmon' Poster AND Trailer??? YES
Good news if you like alliteration, fish, and The Green Mile flexing in an aura of wacky faces. There's this new movie from the Broken Lizard people that appears to have all of those things! Here's your trailer:
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Nov 6 2009 New 'Despicable Me' Trailer: Supervillains Wear Scarves
How long have we waited for a film villain to combine equal parts Tiny Tim and Nosferatu?
TOO LONG. Don't wait any longer. He is risen:
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Nov 6 2009 New 'Sherlock Holmes' Trailer Really Wants You To Say 'Bromance'
If you thought the last Sherlock Holmes trailer was "wtf sherlock homes is not a cage fighter gay," wait until you see this one! You should have roughly he same reaction.
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Nov 4 2009 'Salt' Trailer: Angelina the Spy
Next summer, only one film will combine the action and thrills of a Bourne film with the girlish fun of dying your hair and dressing up in different sexy outfits: Salt! Starring Angelina Jolie as: Salt!
Here's your trailer.
Nov 3 2009 'Prince of Persia' Trailer: Jake Gyllenhaal Finds the Slow Motion Knife!
Massive CGI landscapes; vague, unplaceable accents; nonstop exposition; an utter lack of any sort of chemistry between "romantic" leads; jumping. If those are things you look for in a film, you are going to love this trailer for Prince of Persia. If not, then, well... prepare to have your eyes stained bronze for a few minutes.
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Oct 30 2009 New 'The Road' Trailer: Big Budget Bumfights
It's still hard to tell if The Road is going to be an overblown Roland Emmerich of a mess or a post-apocalyptic classic that will do its source material proud, but just from this new trailer I'm ready to give the film its first two awards.
Award 1: Best Score That Makes Me Think the Trailer Will End with Someone Landing on the Moon. I'm not sure if this is the film's actual score or a track lifted from a classic I'm failing to recognize, but hearing it has me on the edge of my seat waiting for that American flag to strike the lunar surface.
Award 2: Most Disarmingly Gratuitous Use of the Wilhelm Scream. If you're going to be that blatant about it, it should at least be followed by a cartoon "splat."
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Oct 29 2009 'Avatar' Theatrical Trailer: Officially This Time
Here it is, nerds: the full-length trailer for James Cameron's big-deal sci-fi action goddammer, Avatar. Print out a copy so dad can see it too.
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Oct 28 2009 Extended 'Alice in Wonderland' Trailer: Now with Moments of New Footage
Just in case you're one of those people so excited about Alice in Wonderland that the very thought of it makes you do those little claps you do at your chest where it looks like you're both praying and applauding, here's a new trailer for Tim Burton's long overdue adaptation that I'm told features a couple new shots.
Prepare to enter a world where your queen appears to have been drawn by a Times Square caricature artist who was told his client liked clowns!
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Oct 28 2009 New 'Shutter Island' Trailer: Leo's Gone Crazy!
New trailer for Martin Scorsese's latest and Leonardo DiCaprio's most recent somewhat convincing accent! And something about these scenes tells me Leo's investigation into a criminally insane asylum isn't going as planned. In particular, the scene where he's cradling Michelle Williams before she crumbles into a pile of ash. That's just something you can't plan for, even if you are visiting an insane asylum:
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