Jun 4 2009 'Couple of Dicks' Not Breaking Tracy Morgan Craziness Streak

In the grand tradition of Tracy Morgan doing crazy things on camera, yesterday the comedian was spotted riding a tricycle while dressed as a mobile phone as a pitbull violently pursued. According to Coming Soon, this was not standard, unfounded Tracy Morgan craziness but a scene from A Couple of Dicks, Kevin Smith's upcoming buddy comedy that also stars Bruce Willis as the 30 Rock star's partner.

If it turns out the case the two are trying to crack is "what crazy thing Tracy Morgan will do at the film's climax," I apologize profusely for the spoiler.

Dec 31 2008 'G-Force' Trailer: Talking Guinea Pigs This Time

So many great people in this--Will Arnett, Zach Galifianakis, Tracy Morgan, Sam Rockwell, Bill Nighy, Steve Buscemi--yet it still comes off as a poor attempt at Alvin and the Chipmunks-izing Disney's Rescue Rangers. Every day for like two years, some guy went home to his wife every night and gave her news like, "I got the Nicolas Cage mole's mouth to move more in sync today," and, "I've almost tweaked the Penelope Cruz guinea pig to look oddly sexual when she sashays, even though she still has the body of a guinea pig," just so we could have this:

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Dec 17 2008 Send Money to Tracy Morgan the Nigerian Prince

Tracy Morgan has been lined up to produce and star as a classic scam email Nigerian prince in a film written by John Mulaney and Nick Kroll (who have kept me pretty entertained frolicking around the Upper West Side to the smooth sounds of Steely Dan). The Daily Variety describes it:

Tracy Morgan will star in and produce the comedy "Freshman Roommates" for Montecito and Paramount Pictures.

TJ Miller ("Cloverfield") will also star in the film that is inspired by the proliferation of email scams purporting to be sent by a Nigerian prince looking for help in accessing his fortune.

"Freshman Roommates" asks the question what if one of the emails isn't a scam. Story kicks off when a young man answers one such email during a drunken stupor. Soon thereafter, the spoiled son of a deposed African dictator (Morgan) shows up at his door, looking to secure his inheritance.

I hope this comedy doesn't convince anyone they should try sending money to one of those emails claiming to have ties to African royalty on the off chance it's legitimate. If I had a dollar for every supposed Nigerian prince I've sent money to, I still would not have anywhere near my money back that I've already sent to Nigerian princes. Never send money to these people unless they really seem honest or have a name that sounds very African and regal.

Mar 25 2008 'Superhero Movie' Clip Worse Than Even Expected

Man oh man. I didn't have extremely high hopes for Superhero Movie, but this brief clip really put the final nail in that lazy parody of a coffin. Tracy Morgan, "[Genre] Movie" mainstay Regina Hall, and even Pamela Anderson phone in their performances in a scene that has the pacing and comedic depth of a college improv game. So much forced, unnecessary violence, shouting, and conflict--and a sudden departure that's excused with the line, "Yeah, whatever. I'm outta here." What, was "Invisi-bitch" her exit word?

I guess this is what happens when you write a script based on who's available to make cameos (at clearly different times). Though it is pretty funny when they refer to Pamela Anderson as a "girl".

Continue Reading " 'Superhero Movie' Clip Worse Than Even Expected "

Feb 27 2008 How Many Jokes Can You Cram on the 'Superhero Movie' Poster?

Let's count!

1. Simon Rex's equivalent of The Human Torch has caught himself on fire. See, traditionally The Human Torch has the power to manipulate fire at will. Why would he catch himself on fire?!

2. Wolverine is using said fire to roast marshmallows--on his claws! One would normally use a device that is not part of their mutant anatomy, like a long fork that doesn't come out of your wrist.

3. Leslie Nielsen's shirt says "With great power comes hot bitches"; the actual Spider-Man quote is "With great power comes great responsibility." This is funny because it's like a BustedTee, which are always funny.

4. Wolverine's middle claw is slightly longer than the other two. Those familiar with gestural expletives will love this one.

5. Storm is surprised she's electrocuting Professor X's penis.

6. The Cerebro helmet Professor X wears to focus his psychic powers is being used as a drink hat, an established comic prop. And he's black.

7. Though not explicitly laid out, the maturity of the rest of the gags imply Dragonfly guy probably has his penis in the popcorn. And he's giving Pamela Anderson a wet willy, which is sort of a joke if you're 8 and disgusting.

8. Pamela Anderson wears a necklace that says "Dynamic Duo". This term is synonymous with fictional crimefighters Batman and Robin, but holds a lewder meaning when balanced across Anderson's un-aging cleavage.

9. The unfortunate participation of all these desperate actors.

Did I miss any? It's hard for me to see them with my eyes squinted in unending laughter.

'Superhero Movie' Poster Premiere [Cinematical]

Dec 26 2007 'First Sunday' Music-less Trailer Makes For Wonderful Discomfort

Normally I wouldn't recommend this just-what-you-think-it-is Ice Cube/Tracy Morgan comedy (unless you think it's another chapter in the Friday series, which it's surprisingly not) except to reassure your lack of faith in humanity, but something very magical has happened. In a Christmas miracle, the wrong version of the First Sunday trailer has been uploaded to the Apple site, and it lacks any musical soundtrack. A typical dumb comedy has now been made seriously uncomfortable, accentuating the awkward cuts and making the superfluous cartoon sound effects sound even more like the desperate cries of a pleading infant. Hurry and watch this beautiful mistake before it's corrected.

As a bonus, some posters in the Something Awful forums have added their own soundtracks, which are either hilariously mismatched or sadly appropriate in their record screeches.

First Sunday Trailer [Apple]

Dec 3 2007 AM Poster Post: 'First Sunday' Isn't What You'd Think

Yes, this is the first I've heard of this movie. And, no, it's somehow not another chapter of the Friday series.

First Sunday Poster [IMPA]