Sep 24 2009 Barbie is a Movie Now
Ever wonder why you never see a movie about an attractive blond-haired woman who owns some things? Well, now you have an answer: because only now has a studio gained the rights to such a unique concept.
Following months of negotiations, Universal has acquired the rights to make a live-action film based on Mattel's line of Barbie toys.
Though the plastic role model star has starred in numerous straight-to-video animated films--mostly Barbie shoehorned into a pre-existing story, such as Barbie in the Nutcracker, Barbie in Rapunzel, Barbie of Swan Lake, Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper (her first dual role), Barbie in a Christmas Carol, Barbie Thumbelina, and Barbie and the Three Musketeers--this will be the first time an actress will attempt to match the doll's physical impossibility.
The way I see it, this could go one of a few ways:
Jul 7 2009 'View-Master' Movie Now Most Ridiculous '80s Toy Movie
Thought there couldn't be less of an idea for a movie than Asteroids: The Movie? Wrong again. Hollywood always finds a way. According to The Hollywood Reporter, DreamWorks is working on a movie based on View-Master. Yes, View-Master, the cheap, 3D slide-viewer for children:
DreamWorks is in negotiations to acquire movie rights to the toy from Mattel (which owns Fisher-Price) and has asked Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci to do some "Transformers"-style magic on it.Brad Caleb Kane, who worked as a writer-producer on the duo's Fox series "Fringe," is on board to write the screenplay. Kurtzman and Orci would produce.
Story specifics are being kept under wraps, though Kane, who tweeted his involvement during the holiday weekend, said, "It'll be like the old '80s Amblin movies: 'Goonies,' 'Young Sherlock' ... in that vein." That post has been taken down. Amblin-style movies has been the modus operandi of the Kurtzman-Orci banner.
DreamWorks is hoping to make a family-friendly movie.
Yeah, I'm sure DreamWorks would love for Kurtzman and Orci to do some "Transformers-style magic on it," except Transformers involved characters, and hints of a plot. Sorry to break the news, but View-Master is $14 vehicle for children to look at photos of Muppets 14-at-a-time. View-Master: The Movie is only a plastic shutter away from Photographs: The Movie. Which brings up a good point: who can Universal buy the rights to photographs from?
Oh, and good luck keeping it "family-friendly"! View-Master is basically synonymous with tits and exploding heads.
UPDATE: In the comments, Ted made a good point about the magic a View-Master is capable of. Forget everything I said.
May 4 2009 Where the Wild Things Buy Their Precious Japanese Figurines
Several years ago, I vowed to myself no more devoting any more money or desk surface space to overpriced plastic things shaped like my favorite notable film/comic characters. I think it was a good move on my part. Besides saving money and cutting back on the sense of misery one gets after staring into the hollow eyes of a Madman action figure for a few hours, eliminating the merchandise clutter made me appear less juvenile, however briefly, to visiting girls potentially interested in kissing.
I still have not broken my self-imposed deal, but Medicom's Where the Wild Things Are Kubricks had me thinking about it for a minute today. Because these are pretty great.
Mar 26 2009 Have a Better Look at Cobra Commander's Stupid Encased Head
The G.I. Joe forum HissTank has posted some new shots of the Cobra Commander toy, complete with head enclosure, fashion trenchcoat, "M.A.R.S. Industries radical exponential nano-injector system", and a snake. Some questions:
1. Look, I understand that sometimes comic book and cartoon visuals have to be reeled in for the big screen, but why replace the character's traditional, relatively humble metal mask (or sometimes hood) with this far more outlandish Terminator skull respirator?
2. Is this head thing metal or glass? I really can't tell. The photo makes it look metallic, but on the toy I can clearly see his Freddy Krueger head. Plus, the toy's included file card notes that Cobra Commander's "mask covers disfiguring damage from a fiery accident," so if it's transparent, it's doing its job horribly. Unless it's like those Transitions lenses.
3. When Cobra Commander got out of the surgery or whatever to put his head in this thing, was he not like, "Was I not clear that half the point of the mask was to make my horribly disfigured face slightly less repulsive? So why did you give me the nose of the FernGully bat? Come on, guys."
(Thanks, MachineGunEtiquette.)
Mar 25 2009 Tom Hanks Doing Another Moon Travel Thing
The absurd toy-as-film trend, which has already resulted in plans to for Candy Land, Stretch Armstrong, and Ouija Board-based films, has claimed yet another cardboard-packaged victim. While digging through his childhood rumpus room this weekend, Tom Hanks found the next great franchise shoved inside an Easy-Bake Oven (also a great potential franchise): Major Matt Mason! Who? Apparently some sort of G.I. Joe-like spaceman from the '60s:
Universal will develop "Major Matt Mason," a live-action feature based on the vintage Mattel action figure. Pic will be developed as a star vehicle for Tom Hanks, and Graham Yost ("Speed") will write the script.The toy line originated in 1966; Mason led an astronaut team that worked on the moon and lived in a space station. The toy was a hit in the buildup to the first manned moon mission. Mattel retired the line in the 1970s.
When Mattel execs Tim Kilpin and Barry Waldo came to Playtone for a meeting, they brought an arsenal of the Matt Mason figures. Hanks came armed with his own.
50-something nerds and Rusty Brown are going to be so pissed if this isn't right. "Civilian astronaut Doug Davis is supposed to have a YELLOW suit and BROWN hair! Thanks for ruining my distant childhood, Hanks!"
My guess for the next obscure, collectible toy to become a film: those Happy Meal toys that transformed between robots and McDonald's food packaging.
Tom Hanks circles 'Major' toy story [Variety]
Mar 4 2009 Kids Will Love This Horrifying 'Up' Toy
The French Disney/Pixar blog has posted some shots of toys from the upcoming animated feature Up, thus giving us a first look at a plastic version of the Christopher Plummer-voiced character, Charles Muntz. As /Film has noted, he looks a disturbing amount like Kirk Douglas (possibly doing a Gap Elderly ad).
I'm all for making the under-represented old age population the central characters in a film, but I would hold off on making too many of the action figures, Pixar. No matter how successful Up will undoubtedly be, I don't think many kids are going to ask to see this gaunt, sinister face under the tree on Christmas day. It's terrifying enough they'll have to see it in the mirror on their 90th birthdays.
Feb 19 2009 'G.I. Joe' Action Figure Revelations
Wizard has posted photos of the G.I. Joe action figure line-up, all of which come with a giant sexual torture accessory. Some thoughts:
- This is our first look at The Mummy as Zartan, the Master of Disguise, right? Weird that his "disguise" is "guy who bought one of those idiotic hats at H&M."
- Wait, Shipwreck is in this thing? And he still has the bird?!
- Channing Tatum somehow looks like even more of a turd when made of plastic.
Did I miss anything?
Feb 13 2009 Destro Has Metal Head; Cobra Commander Has Glass, Tube-Covered Enclosure
Wasn't the rationale behind the Joe team all wearing black, uniform, plated armor that it would somehow be more realistic? I'm not sure how replacing Cobra Commander's hood with a pig-nosed glass helmet fits in with that. When did looking like you belong in the Star Wars cantina scene become the height of realism?
Then again, that Duke looks nothing like the buzz-cutted, cretinous head of Channing Tatum either, so maybe the packaging for squat, stylized, infant toys isn't the best way to evaluate a movie anyway.
Cobra Commander From Sommers' G.I. JOE Movie Revealed, Sorta!! [AICN]
Feb 11 2009 Devastator's Face is a Green Nebula
TFW2005 has some leaked shots of Devastator and "The Fallen" from the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen toy line. Devastator's face is PURE ENERGY! I think, at least. Who can tell with these things? I'm only confident that his arm is a crane, which I'm hoping he uses to do moves like Scorpion in Mortal Kombat. Otherwise he's really wasting having construction equipment as appendages.
Here are your sort of spoilers:
Jan 29 2009 Soundwave Won't Play Your Old Tapes
I didn't own that many Transformers toys as a kid, but one of the few I made sure to get was Soundwave. He turned into a tape player, and then you could put other robots that turned into tapes inside him. It was really awesome. Above is the toy modeled after Soundwave in Transformers 2; to the right is the alternate form, which looks suspiciously like something other than a tape player.
I don't even care, Michael Bay. I'm just saying that when you're talking about Transformers toys, as strange as it sounds, a tape player is a lot better than a bejeweled alien jet thing.
First look at Soundwave [Empire]
Jan 12 2009 First Look at Sideswipe--One of Those Morphing Monsters from 'Transformers 2'
Over on the TF08.net Transformers in China Forum (via ComingSoon, since I somehow forgot to check the TF08.net Transformers in China Forum today), a user has posted the first image of Sideswipe--one of the new magic robots in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Forum user Brawl 65 has already voiced his approval, noting: "genious hips and also those niiiice shoulders!" Sometimes it's like Brawl 65 knows my thoughts before I have them.
Nov 12 2008 'The Wolfman' Full Body Shot (as Articulated Plastic)
Only a couple shots of Benicio Del Toro in full Wolfman makeup (see: above) have been released thus far, and, though terrifying, they've both been of only the face. But we, the internet-savvy, know you can't trust headshots. We need to see your body, Wolfman, and you need to be holding up a little sign with your screen name on it so we know it's really you.
At last, he has complied. Behold, the full terror of Wolfman... in action figure form. It looks so much like Zach Galifianakis dressed as Han Solo that I'm not even going to pretend I'm being witty with that observation. That's just truth:
Continue Reading " 'The Wolfman' Full Body Shot (as Articulated Plastic) "
Feb 20 2008 First Look at Two-Face! (as a Toy, and Blurry)
Tommy Lee Jones requests that you look at the new, first image of The Dark Knight's Two-Face, despite that it's actually the blurry image of a six-inch piece of plastic. See if Aaron Eckhart's version will have exactly half his face scarred, and if he'll wear Dilbert's tie, under the cut. (No and yes, by the way.)
Thanks, Joshua.
Continue Reading " First Look at Two-Face! (as a Toy, and Blurry) "