Jul 13 2007 Bill Maher Makes the Baby Jesus Cry
Original Onion caption probably says it best, "Bill Maher spends all night arguing with Republican hooker"
In keeping with the heated political discussions we've recently been having in the iwatchstuff.com comments section, today I bring you the news that Lionsgate will be releasing Bill Maher and Larry Charles' anti-religion documentary, A Spiritual Journey.
The film is said to “examine the presence of religion in many of the big news stories of recent years, from Muslim riots over cartoons to the Ten Commandments in front of courthouses, a born-again Christian in the White House and Scientology in the birthing room," and director Charles describes it as “Bill Maher vs. the Anti-Christ (or is Bill Maher the Anti-Christ?)”
I have no knowledge of whether he's the anti-Christ, but I do know that he's banged Ann Coulter, and if Joaquin Phoenix has taught me anything, it's that, "You dance with the devil, the devil don't change - the devil changes you."
He also taught me that hairlips can be sexy. No trailer for this yet, but stay tuned.
Jul 12 2007 Katharine McPhee Joins Cast of Female Animal House
If St. Peter is anything like me, this picture will be Tyra's admission ticket to heaven.
In case you haven't heard (oh wait, I'm supposed to tell you about this kind of stuff, right?), Happy Madison is working on a sorority comedy with a mostly female cast. Anna Faris will play a Playboy bunny who gets kicked out of the mansion and becomes house mother to the lamest sorority on campus. McPhee will reportedly be playing a "pregnant hippie chick".
The pic was written by the duo behind Legally Blonde and will also star Emma Stone, Rumer Willis, and Kat Dennings. And probably a couple people Sandler went to high school with.
Okay, so normally I'd be embarrassed to write an American Idol-related post, but what can I say? She's got big jugs. Throw some big jugs on those starving Ethiopian kids and hell, I'd probably become a professional fly shoo-er.
Jul 6 2007 Shoot 'Em Up Trailer: Tits, Fire, and Motley Crüe
T 'N F
Shoot 'Em Up stars Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti, and Monica Bigtitserino, looks like a cross between Snatch and Smokin' Aces, and was written and directed by Michael Davis, a dude I've never really heard of before. I'll be honest, the trailer looks promising. It reminds me of the day when action movies, even the shitty ones, had over the top bad guys, awesome one liners, and of course plenty of tits and fire. This was before people like Jerry Bruckheimer replaced these things with inane plot twists, talking animals, and Nic Cage.
After at least half a decade of piece of shit, PG-13, Paul Walker vehicles*, perhaps this is a return to form? Let's hope so. But I also remember thinking the Independence Day trailer looked awesome, so who knows.
*From Encyclopedia of Stuff Vince Hates, Volume P
Jul 3 2007 Girls Gone Wild Has Stupid Employees
Each day, these girls struggle just to find clean vodka and cocaine. Your contribution of just $19.99 a month can change all that. Please, think of the whores.
Tranae Hammond, a former sales representative for Girls Gone Wild, is suing the company for *snicker* sexual harassment.
According to court papers, Hammond's supervisor touched and massaged Hammond's shoulders and arms, frequently spoke about sex in front of her, and on at least one occasion "tapped (her) buttocks with a clipboard."
Holy shit, if that's a crime, I'm a capital offender. I may be my only employee, but I've done a lot worse than tap my ass with a clipboard.
But, if you're reading this, Ms. Hammond, I don't mean to poke fun at your plight. No one who works at a class establishment like Girls Gone Wild should ever have to endure such treatment. I'm sure you could find a much more respectful environment over at Bumfights, Backyard Wrestling, or Faces of Death.
Jul 2 2007 Beowulf and the Adventures of Sideboob
Beowulf's script was etched into stone tablets and storyboarded on a cave wall
Posters for Beowulf have hit the web and they're pretty underwhelming, save for some Angelina Jolie sideboob action, which I'm always down for. Neil Gaiman (hee hee, more like Neil Gay Man, zing!) wrote the script, which has Ray Winstone, Robin Wright Penn, John Malkovich, Anthony Hopkins, and Crispin Glover. I'm pretty excited for it. Maybe not guy getting hit in the nuts with a fish excited, but excited none the less.
Jul 2 2007 Marisa Tomei Still Acts, Has Tits
Call me a chauvinist pig, but there's nothing like a pair of bare breasts to brighten up a dreary Monday. What else do I even need to say here? Check out the trailer, after the jump.
According to her IMDB entry, Marisa Tomei is 42. If my breasts look anywhere near that good when I'm her age, I'll be a happy man.
Jun 25 2007 Hugh Hefner to Get Ratnered
Once you've been Ratnered you never feel truly clean again. (Miss July 1998, Lisa Dergan)
Brian Grazer optioned Hugh Hefner's life story a few years ago, and now Brett Ratner is set to direct. Grazer said he knew Ratner was the right man for the job when he saw Johnny Drama refuse to leave his hot tub until he'd gotten a part in Rush Hour 3. Nothing says famous like shitty guest spot on Entourage.
This should be good. Hugh Hefner is a great man, and the only thing that's better than a movie about big-titted women is a movie about big-titted women that Chris Tucker yells at.
Jun 22 2007 Live Free or Die Hard Director Now Okay in My Book
Apparently, this is Len Wiseman, director of Live Free or Die Hard, and his wife, Kate Beckinsale. Yeah, so uh, forget anything bad I might have said about your movie. You, sir, obviously know something I don't. Cheers.
May 8 2007 New Hairspray Posters Make Me Want to Cut Myself
Please, someone stop the beat. With a gun.
Does anyone else find these new Hairspray posters thoroughly horrifying? They're like rabid wolverines painted magenta that chase you around the room, staring at you with their dead eyes. And then the ice weasels come.
The movie's an adaptation of the Broadway musical which itself was an adaptation of the 1988 John Waters movie.
Remember how in Multiplicity Michael Keaton cloned himself, but the fourth clone was a clone of another clone and came out retarded? Yeah, you'd have to be a botched retarded clone to wanna go see this.
"She touched my pepe, Steve."
You can check out Cinematical for all the posters, my version of Photoshop makes me tuck my penis between my legs and drink Boones after a certain level of neon.
May 4 2007 Hairspray: John Travolta is Ugly, Woman
The thetans will never find me in here!
The trailer for the remake of Hairspray is out. It looks like it got remade because the (1988, John Waters) original was too tongue-in-cheek. And if Terminator 2 has taught us anything, it's that when stuff becomes self aware it's, like, dangerous or something.
Oh, and newsflash, guys, John Travolta does not need makeup to look fat. Come to think of it, he doesn't need prosthetic tits either. And hell, he doesn't need to dress like a woman to kiss a man. The only thing he needs is Scientology. Scientology and Doritos.
