Nov 19 2009 Yet Another Movie Poster You Won't Believe Is Real (But It Is!)
Like Old Dogs, Crazy on the Outside is one of those rare, terminal illness-style films that shows up seemingly out of nowhere and is so shocking, so heinous, that I just can't believe--refuse to believe--no matter what the charts/posters say, can really be happening. How were there no symptoms, no articles in Variety? This is for real? Crazy on the Outside is incurable at this point in the marketing cycle? And Tim Allen DIRECTED it, too? I didn't even know such a thing could happen. It's going to take a while to come to terms with all this.
Also, how is J.K. Simmons on the poster but not Kelsey Grammer? Has Law & Order's Skoda somehow become a more popular psychiatrist than Frasier Crane? Oh, how the mighty have fallen, and been forced to star in half a season of Hank.
Crazy on the Outside Poster [ComingSoon]
Oct 12 2009 'Toy Story 3' Trailer: Time For Toys to Escape From Somewhere Again!
Ut oh, toys! Andy has reached the age of 18, which, as we all know, is the age when a young man finally stops playing with wooden cowboys, packs up for college, and starts listening to somber Randy Newman songs to indicate the gravity of the situation. Andy's mom, like my dad, is eager to get that recently-vacated room turned into a den, and decides to donate the Woody, Buzz, Female Woody, Dinosaur Toy, and the rest of the gang to a daycare center. Now, since Woody hates acts of charity, it's time to escape!
Here's the trailer that explains that plot:
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Jul 28 2009 'Toy Story 1 & 2 (in 3D Now!)' Teaser
With Toy Story and Toy Story 2 returning to screens in Gimmick-Vision Disney Digital 3D for a limited, two week engagement, Pixar has released a brief trailer to remind you that, come October, you can finally see the beloved films as they were never meant to be seen: with depth! As you can see in the above still, it gets pretty weird when Buzz finally reveals his feelings for Woody and completely exposes his lower half:
May 15 2007 Tim Allen to Get Pummeled...in New Film (sigh)
My agent promised me this movie will be better than the Chuck Liddell episode of Entourage
David Mamet's upcoming mixed martial arts drama has just unleashed the coke snitch curse, dooming itself to failure by casting Tim Allen.
That's right, folks. The former coke dealer and hacky comedian and current star of everything that is soulless and evil joins the cast of Redbelt, playing a "troubled action star with marital problems who meets the master when he is getting pummeled in a street fight."
Okay, well I like the getting pummeled part. Couldn't that just be the movie? Could it be a documentary?
Eh, to be completely fair, he was pretty good in Galaxy Quest.
Redbelt will also star Emily Mortimer, Alice Braga, Joe Mantegna, Rodrigo Santoro, Ricky Jay, David Paymer, Rebecca Pidgeon and Jose Pablo Cantillo, along with martial artists and fighters Randy Couture, John Machado, Danny Inosanto, Enson Inoue and Ray Mancini.
Apr 23 2007 The Language of Crap is Universal
Kazakhstani title: Pig Rides Motorbikes
As further proof that foreigners are just as dumb we are, Wild Hogs grabbed the top spot at the international box office.
See, there's no reason to fear them. Because despite their excess body hair, poor dental hygiene, and belief that cologne can substitute for a shower, ethnic types are just like us. Beneath their swarthy exteriors breathe proud, xenophobic Americans, dying to blow their hard-earned cash on cinematic abortions starring Tim Allen.
We are the world/We are the children...
