Nov 18 2009 New 'Wolfman' Poster: Very Telling Cane Choice
If I were a wolfman, I would NEVER use a wolf cane. Or even if I'm not wolfman, if there's a wolfman issue going on locally, still not using a wolf cane. Casts too much suspicion on myself. If you're in an area with a werewolf, get yourself a cane with whatever the opposite of a wolf is on it. Maybe a toddler?
The Wolfman Poster 3 [IMPA]
Nov 17 2009 They Forgot To Put the Film's Name on the 'Salt' Poster
Oh, no, there it is.
Salt poster [JoBlo]
Nov 4 2009 'Salt' Trailer: Angelina the Spy
Next summer, only one film will combine the action and thrills of a Bourne film with the girlish fun of dying your hair and dressing up in different sexy outfits: Salt! Starring Angelina Jolie as: Salt!
Here's your trailer.
Nov 4 2009 'Green Zone' Poster: Classic Exasperated Damon
His expression is easier to read if you imagine he's on the street, and someone is shouting: "Hey! Matt! Matt Damon! I'm fucking Matt Damon! Hey! I'm fucking Matt Damon! You know, the song? I'm fucking Matt Damon! How about those apples? Hey, where's Ben? Ben Affleck. Where's Ben Affleck? Matt? Matt?"
New Green Zone Poster [Empire]
Oct 28 2009 New 'Shutter Island' Trailer: Leo's Gone Crazy!
New trailer for Martin Scorsese's latest and Leonardo DiCaprio's most recent somewhat convincing accent! And something about these scenes tells me Leo's investigation into a criminally insane asylum isn't going as planned. In particular, the scene where he's cradling Michelle Williams before she crumbles into a pile of ash. That's just something you can't plan for, even if you are visiting an insane asylum:
Continue Reading " New 'Shutter Island' Trailer: Leo's Gone Crazy! "
Oct 27 2009 'Green Zone' Trailer: Shaky Matt Damon Thriller Gets Political
From Paul Greengrass, the Billy Connolly-looking man who brought you Matt Damon Kicks People's Asses in Shaky-Cam Parts 2 & 3 (known formally as the latter thirds of the Bourne trilogy), I present you with Matt Damon Kicks People's Asses in Shaky-Cam in the Middle East, Green Zone (with political overtones by Talk Soup's Greg Kinnear!):
Continue Reading " 'Green Zone' Trailer: Shaky Matt Damon Thriller Gets Political "
Oct 23 2009 'Uncertainty' Trailer: Which Unwatchable Movie Will Joseph Gordon-Levitt Star In???
Uncertainty! It's like Sliding Doors, except instead of seeing a closing train door determine Gwyneth Paltrow's life with two different guys, you see a coin flip decide if Joseph Gordon-Levitt will star in an boring indie melodrama or a ridiculous, cell-phone-based thriller (à la Eagle Eye and Echelon Conspiracy)! That should be the tagline. Here's the trailer:
Oct 21 2009 Full (MOON) 'Wolfman' Trailer HOWLS OnlineCANTHROPE
No more choosing between watching a movie about a man or a movie about a wolf. Thanks to modern technology machines, enjoy both fantastic genres with The Wolfman:
Continue Reading " Full (MOON) 'Wolfman' Trailer HOWLS OnlineCANTHROPE "
Oct 15 2009 'Edge of Darkness' Trailer: Never Kidnap/Murder Mel Gibson's Children
Things you'll be glad you get to hear Mel Gibson say with a questionably Boston accent in the trailer for the new cop-investigating-his-daughter's-government-tied-murder thriller, Edge of Darkness:
- "Welcome to hell!"
- "I'm the guy with nothin' to lose!"
- "Fasten your seatbelt!"
- "You had better decide whether you're hangin' on the cross... or bangin' in the nails!"
Things you'll be disappointed Mel Gibson does not say at all, even though he obviously should:
- "Give me back my daughter!!!"
See for yourself:
Continue Reading " 'Edge of Darkness' Trailer: Never Kidnap/Murder Mel Gibson's Children "
Oct 14 2009 'Daybreakers' Poster: The Most Precious Natural Resource... Is Us!
And I'm almost out of me! Luckily, this natural resource preciousness switchover apparently doesn't take place until 2019, when Sam Neill and his vampire legions start harvesting our blood. So, until then, time to decide: what is our most precious resource?
Here are your options:
Continue Reading " 'Daybreakers' Poster: The Most Precious Natural Resource... Is Us! "
Oct 8 2009 'Lovely Bones' Poster: Birds and Pastels--Like Grandma's Bathroom
Also, probably Thomas Kinkade's most subtly morbid painting yet.
(from the Yahoo)
Sep 23 2009 'Afterschool' Trailer: Watching Prep School Girls Die By Rat Poison Seems Traumatizing
If Dead Poets Society still has you wishing you'd had the opportunity to enjoy the camaraderie of a prep school (God, I wish I could have stood on my desk and defended Robin Williams the Teacher), here's just the film to make you realize the darker side of prep schools. The side where some girls ingest a mixture of narcotics and rat poison, you end up accidentally taping their death and watching them die in your arms, and then you have to make a memorial video:
Sep 21 2009 'Messages Deleted' Trailer: Oh, Crap, Where Did My Messages Go!?
From the writer of Phone Booth and Cellular--a man determined as shit to make the phone a more popular device in the thriller genre--here's the trailer for the pseudo-ominously titled Messages Deleted.
In this masturbatory effort, Matthew Lillard stars as a screenwriter who gets caught up in string of senseless killings--which, oddly enough, closely resemble the senseless killings in one of his screenplays, Senseless Killings. So what does Matthew Lillard do about that? He shoots a bow, obviously:
Continue Reading " 'Messages Deleted' Trailer: Oh, Crap, Where Did My Messages Go!? "
Aug 20 2009 'Law Abiding Citizen' Poster: Ah, That's a Familiar Sight
This poster nearly perfectly recreates what I see every morning when I stop at the local toy shoppe and covetously stare through their display window at that Lawyer Gear Jamie Foxx doll I want so desperately. I'll have you one day, Jamie Fox doll. One day.
'Law Abiding Citizen' Poster [IMPA]
Aug 18 2009 'My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done' Trailer: Lynch + Herzog + Birds!
Here's a film with an equal chance of being really good and really obtuse (probably both): My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done. The film is directed by Werner Herzog, executive produced by David Lynch, and stars Academy Award nominee Willem Dafoe, Academy Award nominee Michael Shannon, Academy Award nominee Chloe Sevigny, Academy Award nominee some flamingos, Academy Award nominee a pack of ostriches, and a classically Lynchian arbitrary little person.
Trailer:
Continue Reading " 'My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done' Trailer: Lynch + Herzog + Birds! "
Aug 5 2009 'Lovely Bones' Trailer: To Catch a Stanley Tucci
I've grown so used to having Dateline NBC's Chris Hansen around to stop all the world's predators, it's hard to remember a time before that--a pre-Hansen era when crimes against children still existed. Peter Jackson's The Lovely Bones takes us back to that time, the early '70s, when Hansen was still in school and Stanley Tucci was still able to rape and murder a girl without a camera crew busting in with some chat transcripts. The trailer has just been released, and it looks like the must-see dead-girl-watching-from-Heaven-as-Mark-Wahlberg-solves-her-murder film of the year.
UPDATE: Alright, I guess it's not on YouTube anymore. It's on the Apple, though.
Jul 28 2009 'iMurders': Get it? Like iPod and Things, but with Multiple Homicides
Just when mom started thinking it was OK to use the email just to show relatives photos of her garden, it turns out NO ONE IS SAFE IN CYBERSPACE. Not so long as there are iMurders happening:
A mysterious love triangle leads to a tragic shooting. Months later, eight members of a FaceSpace chat room are being gruesomely murdered in the privacy of their own homes.
Well, they should have known better to use a dangerous service like FaceSpace. FaceSpace is like the top service for internet murderers. Stick to safer sites, like AIMspot, and Twitjournal.
So is the cord coming out of the wrong end of the bloody mouse a crucial clue or evidence of just how little thought was put into every aspect of this film? Maybe the trailer will shed some light...
Continue Reading " 'iMurders': Get it? Like iPod and Things, but with Multiple Homicides "
Jul 23 2009 New 'Whiteout' Trailer: Murder and Nudity Through Frosted Glass
Ut oh, something's happening in Antarctica! Specifically: MURDER! Also, Kate Beckinsale showers sometimes. Those are the two primary things happening in Antarctica, now available to witness first-hand in this new trailer for Whiteout:
Continue Reading " New 'Whiteout' Trailer: Murder and Nudity Through Frosted Glass "
Jul 22 2009 'Shutter Island' Poster: Vague Missing Person Alert!
Nothing reels in audiences like the ominous presence of Leonardo DiCaprio's massive, angst-filled head. Time and time again those looming, furrowed brows prove themselves poster gold. (A faint mustache is preferred, but not necessary.)
'Shutter Island' Poster [Yahoo]
Jul 17 2009 Final 'The Box' Poster: Less Diaz, More Cyclops and Skeletor
Looking much like its poster predecessor, which already looked like the From Hell poster, the final The Box one-sheet turned up today on director Richard Kelly's Twitter machine.
If I were less mature, I'd try to make some joke about Cameron Diaz's "box" and the bloody streak down the image's center, but since I'm no longer in junior high, I'll just say "vagina" and "period stains" and let you connect the dots.
