May 21 2009 'Paul Blart: Zookeeper' Gets Its Ridiculously Unlikely Love Interest

The beautiful, miniature-panty-licking Rosario Dawson has signed on to play the love interest in Kevin James's newest pedestrian job-based comedy, The Zookeeper. Because that's a believable couple. And also a thoroughly believable movie story involving animal matchmakers:

Rosario Dawson will star opposite Kevin James in romantic comedy "The Zookeeper," with Happy Madison producing along with James, Todd Garner, Jeff Sussman and Jennifer Eatz.

Live actioner centers on zoo animals trying to teach the keeper their methods of dating and mating to help him win back the woman of his dreams.

Ohhhh, he's winning back Rosario Dawson. I thought he'd be wooing her for the first time. That makes sense then. He used to date Rosario Dawson, but then they broke up because he didn't know how to mate, but now the two will get back together because sentient zoo animals have since taught Kevin James animal methods of sex. That plot is sound. I see how this could work out well:

Penguin: "Insert your penis into her vagina."

Paul Blart: "I can't! I'm on a Segway! This is crazy!"

Rosario Dawson: "I love you. Again."

Announcer: "Buy The Zookeeper on DVD and Blu-ray this Tuesday."

'Zookeeper' locks up Rosario Dawson [Variety]

Feb 13 2009 Kevin James Hired for Another Dull Profession

He's played a UPS driver; he's played a fireman; he's played a Paul Blart mall cop; he played a profession I can't recall in Hitch; but what blue collar profession will Kevin James tackle next? A zookeeper. He'll play a zookeeper:

Kevin James, fresh from "Paul Blart: Mall Cop," will star in the title role in MGM's "The Zookeeper" for director Frank Coraci.

In a reteam of "Blart" producers, Happy Madison's producing with James and Jeff Sussman through their Hey Eddie shingle and Todd Garner through his Broken Road banner.

"Zookeeper," penned by Jay Scherick and David Ronn, centers on a lonely zookeeper who decides to leave his job because he can't meet a girl, leading to intervention by the zoo's animals.

Kevin James is truly a jack-of-all-trades-that-don't-require-a-degree. He'd better watch out with the animal intervention thing though--he's getting dangerously close to Brendan Fraser's territory.