Jun 23 2008 Weekend Box Office: 'Get Smart' Hopefully Destroyed Chances of Another 'Austin Powers'
1. Get Smart - $39.2 million, because $12 had to be spent on something new, and the newer iPods cost more than $12, and, give me a break, The Love Guru?
2. Kung Fu Panda - Another $21.7 million, thanks largely to Jack Black's fearless delivery of such lines as, "Who da man? Pan-da man!" I'm assuming that was a line in the movie.
3. The Incredible Hulk - Though it earned less than Ang Lee's Hulk in its opening weekend, the film's second weekend has fared better, grossing $21.6 million and inciting cries for director Louis Leterrier to make The Incredible Ice Storm.
4. The Love Guru - A sad, $14 million showing left Mike Myers wishing he could go back in time to write in a joke about how the ridiculously small audiences are sort of similar to how Verne Troyer is also very small. Oh well--save it for Guru 2!
5. The Happening - Still somehow clinging to the top five with another $10 million. I blame trees.
Jun 16 2008 'Incredible Hulk' Made Money Last Weekend
1. The Incredible Hulk - Looks like the Hulk wasn't the only thing that was big and green this weekend, and I'm not talking envy! Greenbacks! American dollars! Cinema theatre profits to the tune of $54.5 million! Sorry, Kermit, looks like it is easy being green! (You should read this as if you're an announcer from the '20s.)
2. Kung Fu Panda - The formula of celebrity vocal chords + anodyne, computer-generated comedy continues to prove itself, earning another $34.3 million
3. The Happening - More like the Not Happening! Assuming we consider "happening" to be making more money than other movies. ($30.5 million)
4. You Don't Mess with the Zohan - A 57% drop to $16.4 million as moviegoers decide to wait for the unrated Zohaniest edition, with new, never-before-heard accents.
5. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - $13.5 million, but it turns out all the ticket buyers were aliens!
Jun 13 2008 'The Happening'... Hmm, That Sounds Vaguely Similar to Something Else...
As you probably know, M. Night Shyamalan's latest mess is titled The Happening, but did you realize that's only a contraction and a couple exclamation points away from sharing a title with the '70s sitcom What's Happening!!? No? Well, someone more perceptive has, and as you'd expect, a surprisingly entertaining fusion of the two has materialized. The Rerun dancing reveal is surely more frightening than any scares Shyamalan has for us.
Continue Reading " 'The Happening'... Hmm, That Sounds Vaguely Similar to Something Else... "
Jun 12 2008 Shyamalan: "'The Happening' is Totally Meant to be Kind of Bad. Did I Not Mention That?'
In the wake of early, largely-disparaging reviews for The Happening, director M. Night Shyamalan has added a last-minute twist to his latest film: it turns out it's not, like, a serious film or anything. Just a fun B-movie, y'know? So lighten up. From Reuters:
"I wanted it to be a fantastic, fun B-movie," Shyamalan told Reuters in a recent interview about the eighth film he has written and directed. "The No. 1 thing is I want people to say: 'That was a really fun B-movie.'"
Clever, M. Night, sheltering yet another disappointing film under the tissue-thin canopy of this "fun B-movie" umbrella. If this works, you should retroactively claim that the one thing you wanted people to say about Lady in the Water is: "That was a really vapid, self-indulgent mess." Or that the main intention of The Village was to leave people saying: "F*** me--they're in modern times? Seriously? That's it? Let's go home and be drunk." Then title your next movie: Further Evidence I'm Coasting Off a Couple Early Hits. Critics will have to call that a success, right?
May 21 2008 Theories I've Formed About 'The Happening' Based Entirely on This Poster
- The "happening" is when a novice graphic designer happens upon a fun new Photoshop filter that makes stuff look "all wavy and shit."
- We're traveling through a time warp to the year 2000, back to when news of an M. Night Shyamalan film caused more than a shrug.
- Someone from the graphics department said, "Maybe we should distort this or something to distract from the terrible job we did making the papers on the ground look real."
- The Happening doubles as an edgy new Eastpak ad campaign.
- This is the twist ending: the film being literally, digitally twisted.
Twisted New Poster for Shyamalan's The Happening [First Showing]
May 16 2008 'The Happening' R-Rated Trailer, Plus: A Scathing Review!
Collider has an early review of M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening, and from the sounds of it, it's come time we stop taking this guy's calls. Here's a sampling:
"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can't really be serious, can they?" kind of way.If you're dreading the Shyamalan trademark twist-ending, you can breathe a sigh of relief. There's no twist whatsoever. But there's also no ending. I won't ruin it any further by talking about what's not there, but prepare to feel very, very cheated and figure out in advance what consultation you can offer when the person next you confusedly asks, "Is that it?"
With Shyamalan's catalog getting increasingly disappointing with each new addition, it's getting even harder to defend him than it is to defend my everlasting love of Smashing Pumpkins. With both, it's just a lot of, "No, no, no, I know, I know. Yes, their last few were sort of questionable--ignore those. Shut up about Machina/Lady in the Water, OK? Just listen to/watch Mellon Collie/The Sixth Sense. Then you'll get it. What do you mean it doesn't seem all that great? Shut up. I guarantee if you were a teenager when you were exposed to this, you'd be loving it. Shut up. Just shut up."
Oh, and there's a new R-rated trailer under the cut. It proves strangely ineffective after reading that the film is "bad on an epic scale."
Continue Reading " 'The Happening' R-Rated Trailer, Plus: A Scathing Review! "
Feb 4 2008 'The Happening' Teaser Trailer Finds Self-Awareness
I'll assume that, as he was writing The Happening, M. Night Shyamalan must have realized that making a film about people inexplicably committing suicide would lead to critics citing watching Lady in the Water as the likely cause. So thank you, M. Night, for finally reaching the point of self-awareness that you're willing to make it easy for us asshole bloggers. And thanks to Kyle for the tip.
Continue Reading " 'The Happening' Teaser Trailer Finds Self-Awareness "
Jul 18 2007 Leguizamo Joins The Happening
Variety reports that John Leguizamo has joined the cast of M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening. The film stars Mark Wahlberg as a man escaping natural disaster with his family, with Leguizamo taking the role of his best friend. Now it's time to play the popular game, What's going to be up with John Leguizamo in The Happening?
1. He's some kind of god that is causing the very disaster they're fleeing.
2. He has some hidden power that can stop the disaster at the last minute.
3. He's a ghost.
4. He's an alien.
5. He's something far more obnoxiously convoluted.
6. He's something strange that will be obvious to you in the first five minutes, which you'll later brag to your friends about as a testament to both Shyamalan's poor direction and your own impressive deduction skills.
7. He's the pest.
8. He's obviously not seen Lady in the Water and has made a horrible career move.
Feel free to suggest your own.
