Feb 11 2008 'Fool's Gold' Wins Weekend, Tanned Ab Award

Given the choice of a loose treasure hunting premise constructed solely as a background to an even looser comedy-romance, a joint concert performed by a fictional television character and an actual human, and something with Martin Lawrence where at least one joke is based on how unsightly fat women are, what would America choose? Despite what you might think, the answer is not death.

1. Fool's Gold - Took in $22 million, and created the most excitement for tans, blonde hair, and abs since Hulkamania.

2. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins - A powerful $17.1 million weekend proved this is indeed Martin Lawrence's Garden State.

3. Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour - A $10.5 million weekend inspired father Billy Ray to put together a Clint 'Doc' Cassidy/Billy Ray Cyrus: Curing That Achy-Breaky Heart Tour.

4. The Eye - Though many theaters, due to a lack of prints, showed The Grudge instead, the film still made $6.6 million and no one seemed to notice or care.

5. Juno - $5.7 million--honest to blog! Get it? Like that line in the movie.

Weekend Box Office Estimates [Box Office Mojo]

Feb 5 2008 Either Miley Cyrus or Hannah Montana Wins Weekend

1. Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour - Wait, so are the two worlds the real world and the fictional world of Hannah Montana, finally converging in a post-modern fusion of crappy pop and nepotism? Is this like the Garth Brooks/Chris Gaines thing mixed with Bratz? I don't know how this made $31.1 million, but then again, I'm not a 12-year-old girl or Billy Ray Cyrus.

2. The Eye - $12.4 million, sending a clear message that any Asian movie about pale, eyelinered ghosts will be attended as long as there's someone attractive in it.

3. 27 Dresses - $8.5 million, or about $460k per dress.

4. Meet the Spartans - $7.3 million, paid by largely the same people that will be voting today.

5. Rambo - $7.1 million and countless dead.

Weekend Box Office [Box Office Mojo]

Nov 27 2007 'The Eye' Trailer Campaigns Against Eye Transplants

From what I can discern from the trailer, the main point of The Eye is that you should never get a cornea transplant. Sure, you're blind, and a cornea transplant might restore your sight, but you also might get the eyes of the Sixth Sense kid, turning your life into an explosion-filled remake of an Asian horror movie.

Do the producers know someone they want to get bumped up on the transplant list by scaring others off it? Are they hoping to create such a cornea surplus that it will put an end to Jerry Orbach's aggressive campaign for eyeballs? Did they think a pair of sunglasses would hide Jessica Alba's poor acting? If you got a heart transplant from the same person who gave the ghost-seeing corneas, would it make you in love with ghosts? I think so.

Continue Reading " 'The Eye' Trailer Campaigns Against Eye Transplants "

Nov 9 2007 'The Eye' Poster: Like 'The Grudge', But With Fingers

You can practically see the exact line of thought went through to come up with this poster for The Eye:

"All right, well, obviously we'll show an eye."

"Ooo! That's good--like the title. I like it. Since it's Jessica Alba's eye, though, it isn't really that scary. Just a beautiful woman's eye."

"Right... Well, how about if we make the skin deathly anemic, like the ghosts in The Grudge and every other Asian horror movie?"

"That's pretty good. Speaking of The Grudge, though, now it looks just like the poster to The Grudge."

"OK, we'll make some fingers coming out of the eye then. That's scary, right? No one wants fingers coming out of their eye. Yuck! It would be gross and terrifying."

"You're absolutely right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just take one of the posters to Good Luck Chuck and replace Dane Cook with a ghost." (Note: this would have been an improvement to both this poster and Good Luck Chuck.)

'The Eye' Poster Premiere! [Cinematical]

Oct 12 2007 'The Eye' Trailer Up in Ya Eye

When Hollywood needs horror, there's one foreign culture that always delivers: the Japanese. Their unique blend of sexual repression and futuristic technology infallibly produces terrifying ideas that can be remade in America as "The ________ (Ring, Grudge, Tentacle Rapist, etc.)"

The latest of this breed, The Eye, shows us what would happen if Jessica Alba had the eyes of Geordi La Forge, but then had them replaced with the eyes of Sixth Sense kid. Or they might just be eyes that are constantly playing The Grudge. It's hard to tell.

Thank Joe for the video.

UPDATE: Thanks for pointing out it was originally a Chinese film. So you can disregard the first paragraph, though it's still largely true.