Oct 14 2009 'Expendables' Trailer: I Refuse To Believe This Is Real

Nice try, Sylvester Stallone. I'm sure you'd like us all to believe this promotional trailer is for an actual movie that you're supposedly making. But I know a viral video that compiles every clichéd '80s action movie scene ever made into a fake trailer when I see one, and this has to be that:

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Sep 8 2009 John Rambo Sounds a Lot Like Nathan Hunter

First rule of Rambo: replacing any story's protagonist with Rambo technically makes that a Rambo story.

Proof of concept: this summary of Rambo V, which, as ComingSoon has pointed out, is the exact same as the official summary for a James Byron Huggins' novel, Hunter, only with a find/replace done to replace the name Nathaniel Hunter with John Rambo:

John Rambo could track anyone - or anything - on earth. Now the military desperately needs him for a mission that his ultrasensitive instincts tell him he should refuse. A beast is loose somewhere north of the Artic Circle. It has already decimated a secret research facility and annihilated a squad of elite military guards. And the raging creature is headed south toward civilization, ready to wreak bloody devastation.

It's a job that Rambo and his 22-year-old hunting partner, Beau Brady, can't turn down, but they and a team of highly-skilled special forces kill team discover that the prey is a terror beyond their wildest imagination - a half-human abomination created by a renegade agency through a series of outlawed genetic experiments. It has man's cunning, a predator's savageness, and a prehistoric power that has transcended the ages. And even if Rambo and Beau survive its unrelenting hunger for human blood, they'll still have to contront the grim reality that it may have grown immortal.

Sly sent the above poster to AICN and, though it's an early design, thus far it appears the "half-human abomination" is being envisioned as a wall of hair with wolf eyes and a tooth-covered branch for a mouth. I suppose that's scary in an abstract way. Not so much an "Oh no, it's going to kill me!" scary. More of an "Oh, god, how does it eat without any obvious mouth orifice?" scary.

(Thanks, Joshua.)

Aug 31 2009 Rambo's Gonna Kill Some More Dudes

The simplified "Rambo" title of the fourth Rambo film made it seem so final, didn't it? We should have known it wouldn't be over until one was titled "Last Blood"--here comes a fifth Rambo movie:

Nu Image/Millennium Films has greenlit the franchise's fifth installment, with Sylvester Stallone starring and directing, repeating his duties from 2008's "Rambo."

The upcoming project's storyline revolves around Rambo fighting his way through human traffickers and drug lords to rescue a young girl abducted near the U.S.-Mexico border. Production will start in the spring.

Oh, Sly, why must you be the sitcom dad who has to keep doing athletic activities to prove he's not old until he comically throws his back out?

Apr 29 2009 Things Exploding on 'Expendables' Set

Want to see some guys diving away from a giant explosion? Sure you do. The entire action genre is based around studio executives knowing you always want to see that. So enjoy this brief behind-the-scenes featurette from the set of The Expendables. You'll not only see just such a classic explosion-dive-away, you'll also get a little Directing 101 from Sylvester Stallone. First lesson: if you like how a scene turned out, grunt "that's sex" so that the crew knows they did a good job.

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Apr 13 2009 Sylvester Stallone is the Veiny 'Expendable'

ComingSoon has just posted some new photos from the Brazilian set of The Expendables, and I'll tell you, Stallone may be in his 60s, but the guy still manages to look like a Times Square caricature with the arms of a He-Man figure. Amazing.

Mar 20 2009 50-Cent, E-Rob Join 'Expendables'

You can stop looking for Idi Amin or Gandhi in Stallone's The Expendables. Forest Whitaker and Ben Kingsley are out! And in their place, you're getting a 50-Cent and an Eric Roberts, respectively. Sly lays it out in the following message he sent to AICN:

Hale Caesar is Curtis Jackson Toll Road (new character) is Randy Couture Monroe is Eric Roberts Tool (an ex-Expendable) is Mickey Rourke Bao is Jet Li Lee Christmas is Jason Statham Lacy is Charisma Carpenter Sandra is Giselle Itie (famous Brazilian actress) And Barney 'the schizo' Ross is Yours Truly.

The anger of the casting of 50 Cent is understandable,
but not fair. A player is only as good as his coach. If a man can
communicate in one medium, he can communicate in another if his strengths
are brought out and he has the support of well-wishers. So, trust me, the
change of Forest Whitaker to 50 Cent AKA Curtis Jackson is a good one.

Nobody wanted Eric Roberts over Ben Kingsley, but I believe it's a vastly
improved casting. The point is, you either believe in me and the project,
setting your personal feelings aside, or you take a darker approach, which
really serves no purpose since your insight and suggestions and overall enthusiasm are a great thrill for me to behold everyday I sign on.

Of course nobody wanted Eric Roberts over Ben Kingsley, but you don't have to say that, Stallone. Don't rub it in Eric Roberts' face that he is Eric Roberts. He managed to get in The Dark Knight. Let him have that for few years before reminding him he will never, in any way, be more desirable an actor than Ben Kingsley.

It's alright, E.R. At least you still have your hair.

Mar 11 2009 Schwarzenegger's 'Expendables' Cameo Negligible

Arnold disappointed some of his biggest fans (the Arnold fans of TheArnoldFans.com) this weekend when he downplayed his cameo in Sylvester Stallone's action star supergroup film The Expendables, claiming his appearance will be extremely brief:

[The cameo] will just be something quick, like I walk out of a hotel or out of a office building and he will walk up and we will bump into each other and there will be some mumbling and then we will walk off (crowd laughs). So it will be something very simple, that will be again, just a cameo, so that's what we're going to do. I promised him I'd do that and I'm looking forward to that.

I know he's probably exaggerating, but I really wish that were his entire cameo: this really long shot where you can't exactly make out who it is, some indistinct muttering, Stallone explaing, "That was Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger," and finally some approving nods from the rest of the Expendable crew. That's it. Or maybe Sly entering a bar's single-toilet bathroom only to find the back of a large man in a suit already using it, and you hear a panicked, distinctly Austrian, "It's taken!" If the cameo is going to be a brief, pointless encounter, I say the more vague and arbitrary the better.

Jan 30 2009 Rambo Will Return Again... Somewhere

When Sylvester Stallone stumbled back from wherever he wandered to after leaving the set of Spy Kids 3-D and jumped right back into the roles of Rocky and Rambo, I thought it was understood that it was his swan song--a chance for him to say goodbye to his most famous characters before his neck veins overtook his vocal function. That was the agreement, Sly. So what's this I'm hearing about Rambo coming back again?

Sylvester Stallone, who is preparing to shoot action-adventure The Expendables, told Extra that he's planning to play John Rambo again.

"Yeah, we are doing another 'Rambo,' but the conflict is whether to do it in America or a foreign country," said Stallone.

At least this project will keep him from trying to do Further Over the Top or Stop! Or My Dad Will Shoot This Time.

Sylvester Stallone Not Done with Rambo [Coming Soon]

Jan 7 2009 Mickey Rourke and Every Other Action Star Considered 'Expendable'

It gets tedious covering every piece of casting news--there's only so much you can say when Kate Hudson joins another romantic comedy--and thus I often overlook it. Generally it isn't a big deal, but in the case of my ignoring casting on Sylvester Stallone's upcoming action/adventure, The Expendables, I admit I've made a mistake. He's been putting together a crew of classic action actors that rivals even when there were two Jean-Claude Van Dammes in Double Impact. Just look at this group:

Mickey Rourke has joined the ranks of "The Expendables," joining the ensemble of the Sylvester Stallone-directed action adventure for Nu Image/Millennium Films.

Rourke will play an unscrupulous arms dealer who becomes the go-to guy for a group of mercenaries planning to topple a South American dictator.

Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Randy Couture and Dolph Lungdren play the title characters. Forest Whitaker and Ben Kingsley are also circling the project.

So it's the most definitive bad-ass team you can imagine (minus Arnold, Seagal, and Van Damme, obviously), plus Ben Kingsley. It's like he's there to sanction all the murdering. It would just be senseless violence with that crew shoving their boots in people's brains, but if you've got Gandhi on the team, it must be for the greater good.

Mickey Rourke joins 'Expandables' [Variety]

Feb 4 2008 Some Other Crap That Happened...

- How will Across the Universe writers Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais follow up their cinematic literal interpretation of Beatles songs? With Ruby Tuesday, a literal interpretation of Rolling Stones songs (duh!), and this time it will be animated. More specifically, according to La Frenais, "It will be some pretty hip animation." But the question remains, will it be groovy?

- Joe Johnston has taken over Mark Romanek's Benicio Del Toro-starring Wolf Man project. No need to worry with the director of Hidalgo and Jumanji at the helm.

Nov 15 2007 Yet Another 'Rambo' Poster

It's been 25 years since we first saw Stallone grunt and stab his way through First Blood, and, you know, all things considered, the Rambo we see today doesn't look too bad. Same hair, same bandanna, same aptitude with outdated weaponry.

In fact, had his dead fingernails not given him away, I'd probably never have guessed this was a re-animated corpse.

Rambo Poster [IMPA]

Nov 14 2007 Viggo Mortensen to be Stallone's Poe Boy?

News of who may be cast as Edgar Allen Poe in Sylvester Stallone's biopic, first meant to be written in the style of Poe, then changed to the style of something I'm more familiar with, the rhyming scheme of MTV's NeXt spoken when someone gets "nexted" and has to go back to the bus:

Stallone's looking for someone to play Poe
But for an actor, where should he go?
There were rumors he'd look to a "Hero"
and cast Ventimiglia, Milo,
but now he's looking to Viggo (Mortensen)
to quoth "nevermo'."
So it's back to the bus for J.T.; Chad's next!

(Note: the last line has nothing to do with the casting, but is necessary at the end of every NeXt poem.)

Viggo Mortensen in Stallone's Poe? [/Film]

Nov 9 2007 AM Poster Post: 'Rambo' Loves Stencil Graffiti

You know what's "hot" right now, and will really connect Rambo to these kids today? Street art! People love the pseudo-political spraypainted artwork of Banksy! They'll surely transfer that love to an aging action star after seeing him in such a form, like an muscular, grunting Che! Right?

Rambo Poster [IMPA]

Nov 5 2007 Some Other Crap That Happened...

- Sylvester Stallone is in talks to direct and star as a man turned vigilante after his family is attacked in a remake of Death Wish, a title begging for jokes about his age. [Variety]

- Jake Gyllenhaal and Jessica Biel have joined David O. Russell's political satire about a woman shot in the head with a nailgun, giving her wild sexual urges, and the immoral congressman who takes advantage. Is it wrong that I'm most excited at the possibility of more videos of Russell freaking out on people? [Hollywood Reporter]

- Hayden Christensen will star in Beast of Bataan, playing the attorney to Masaharu Homma, the Japanese general implicated in the Bataan Death March. How tasteless will it be when they play Beast of Burden in the trailer? [Hollywood Reporter]

Oct 23 2007 New 'Rambo' Trailer is Rambo-er Than Ever

You know when you go to an amusement park, or Times Square, or anywhere where a large number of people wear cameras, and there are those weird caricature guys? For ten dollars or so, they'll scribble together a mediocre drawing that exaggerates your features nearly beyond recognition, awkwardly incorporates some of your interests, and leave you with an insulting image you'll never show anyone.

Somehow, this latest Rambo movie has visually, thematically, and even down to Sly's distorted impression of himself, created this in film.

With that said, I present to you a caricature of Rambo, aptly titled Rambo, under the cut.

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Oct 18 2007 AM Poster Post: 'Rambo' or 'John Rambo' or Whatever It is Now

The new poster for John Rambo finally answers the age-old question of what Rambo would look like in Sin City, and with a physique Photoshopped to appear younger and fitter.

Is the name just Rambo now? Or is this poster not for the movie but for the general concept of Rambo?

Rambo Poster [IGN]

Oct 12 2007 'John Rambo' is Now 'Rambo to Hell and Back'

When you hear the title John Rambo, what do you think? That Rambo has a first name, and it's John? That Rambo may be human, and not a Vietnam-era incarnation of the war god Ares? That the producers of John Rambo are desperately trying to cling to the moderate success of full-name-titled Rocky Balboa?

That's exactly what Lionsgate worried, so they've changed the name of the fourth Rambo film to the darker, seemingly-in-need-of-a-colon, Rambo to Hell and Back. I know they want me to think this is a really hardcore film, or at least that parts of Asia are equivalent to Hell, but all it does is remind me of a glaring inadequacy with his latest one-man war. Why send Rambo against the pitiful armies of man, who we've already seen are impotent against his bow and knife skills, when he could literally battle the demons of Hell? A climactic battle between Satan our raven-haired hero would really put them in the seats. An idea for Rambo V, if nothing else.

UPDATE: Sylvester Stallone is saying Rambo to Hell and Back is back to John Rambo.

Official Site [Lionsgate]

Sep 10 2007 John Rambo Trailer is Terrifying

This trailer for John Rambo, the fourth strained effort in the Rambo series, doesn't look nearly as bad as I thought it would. At the same time, I think they've really limited the audience by assuming young audiences are still familiar with the character. Imagine for a moment that you have no idea who John Rambo, then watch the above footage of a bulky, aging, mulleted man grunting and murdering every human he sees. As what appears to be an Asian nation's military tries to stop this savage menace, the man proceeds to dispense with their entire forces in the most gruesome, violent way imaginable. If, at this moment, you've never heard of Rambo, the most logical conclusion you can draw is that John Rambo is the story of a civilization being destroyed by a psychotic old madman. Sadly, I think I'd prefer that movie.

Jul 18 2007 Two New Shots from John Rambo

It's been a while since we've heard from our favorite shell-shocked, headbanded war hero, John Rambo. He's got a self-titled fourth film coming out next year, so what's he been up to? Well, as these new shots show us, mostly just shooting a bow and arrow at mermaids, but occasionally breaking up the monotony by confusing a live snake and a wooden dowel for the aforementioned bow and arrow. In other words: madness!

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