Sep 22 2009 Nicolas Cage as Superman/Superman Action Figure
Remember over a decade ago when Tim Burton was going to make a Superman movie? Me too! Why do we keep remembering that? Let's stop. Actually, before you stop remembering, breathe deeply with your eyes the above image that's been going around internet today to equal cries of "fake" and "LOL": the only known photo of what is supposedly Nicolas Cage's costume test for Burton's film.
Yes, I know it looks like Nicolas Cage's head blatantly pasted onto a plastic body. But would Japan's premiere Tim Burton fan site stake their name on a fake, putting at risk all the Tim Burton legitimacy the country has been building since the second World War? I have no idea. Either way, it is definitely ridiculous.
Sep 15 2009 What Superman Movie?
I guess this is news. MTV spoke to Diane Nelson, the newly appointed head of DC Entertainment, and asked what was going on with a new Superman movie. Her reply: not a lot.
"We actually don't have any current plans for Superman," said Nelson when asked if the new environment (and the recent legal decision regarding the character) made a "Superman" movie more or less likely in the near future."We've obviously done a lot of great things behind the property in our history, and it's a key part of the family, but we don't have current plans behind Superman," she said.
Just wanted to keep you abreast to the latest movies that there aren't really any plans for.
Here's one of the "great things behind the property in our history" I assume she's referring to. The greatest part comes at 3:15, when Superman uses eye beams to somehow reassemble the Great Wall:
Aug 22 2008 'Superman' Will Get Dark Relaunch
The Dark Knight was, appropriately, a fairly dark movie. The Dark Knight also made like a million dollars. Since Warner Bros. can put two and two together, they've decided all superhero movies should be dark from now on, and plan to test their theory by doing a dark, Hulk-style reboot of the shadowy, brooding character known as Superman. From WSJ:
Like the recent Batman sequel -- which has become the highest-grossing film of the year thus far -- Mr. Robinov wants his next pack of superhero movies to be bathed in the same brooding tone as "The Dark Knight." Creatively, he sees exploring the evil side to characters as the key to unlocking some of Warner Bros.' DC properties. "We're going to try to go dark to the extent that the characters allow it," he says. That goes for the company's Superman franchise as well."'Superman' didn't quite work as a film in the way that we wanted it to," says Mr. Robinov. "It didn't position the character the way he needed to be positioned." "Had 'Superman' worked in 2006, we would have had a movie for Christmas of this year or 2009," he adds. "But now the plan is just to reintroduce Superman without regard to a Batman and Superman movie at all."
"Hey! We should make our next Superman movie dark, too! Let's just completely ignore that the darkness of character, plot and literal appearance exhibited in The Dark Knight is completely intrinsic to the Batman mythos and inappropriately shoehorn that sensibility to a vast, well-established fictional universe!"
It makes about as much sense as sending the cast of Saved By The Bell to Hawaii for a season. "People like Hawaii; people like Saved By The Bell. Saved By The Bell IN Hawaii? Can't miss. So what if the very title of the show refers to school. We don't need the school!"
Maybe the "dark to the extent that the characters allow it" is a good sign, at least. But probably not. (Thanks, Kevin.)
Oct 24 2007 Superman Might Be British
Will a Brit fill the boots of America's Greatest Hero (besides G.I. Joe, Oprah, and The Greatest American Hero)?
That's exactly the rumor coming from Dark Horizons, where they're reporting British actor Rupert Evans, whose biggest claim to fame is looking vaguely like Josh Hartnett if you squint (and being the prick in Hellboy), has nabbed the role of Superman in the Justice League movie.
Is it Kosher for Superman to be played by a British actor? How about someone who looks like such a twat? Discuss.
Evans As Superman In "League"? [Dark Horizons]
Oct 22 2007 'Superman Returns' Writers Not Returning
Superman Returns writers Michael Dougherty and Dan Harris have decided not to come back to write Superman Returns Returns, leading to questions of if Bryan Singer will still direct and leaving Warner scrambling to take pitches from other potential writers. Here's what I've come up with:
- Lex Luthor shoots a special beam into the ocean that radically increases the number of great white sharks, while also giving them Kryptonite teeth. Superman has to fight these sharks, frequently employing a technique where he spins one shark around by its tail, using it to hit other sharks.
- It's discovered that a Kryptonian great white shark, orphaned like Superman, was raised by Earth sharks. Superman has to stop this shark's bullet-speed ravaging of a public beach, but it's hard because it's a Supershark, making it the equivalent battle of an Earth guy fighting an Earth shark. Very humanizing.
- Superman loses his powers, then has to fight a shark.
- Superman finds a new supervillain terrorizing the city with his giant teeth, massive size, and fins.
Any I missed?
'Superman' writers won't return [Variety]
Apr 10 2007 Superman Returning to Orlando?
Just Jared reports that Orlando Bloom was spotted discussing a possible role in a Superman Returns sequel with director Bryan Singer and producers Jon and Mindy Peters. If this is true, and they really were discussing a role, it begs the question of what role could possibly be suited for the svelte actor. I've been trying to come up with the most degrading role I could think of for him, but I couldn't decide on anything I was happy with. I leave it to you to choose:
- Supergirl
- Lois's vain, effeminate best friend
- A vain, effeminate pirate character
- Lex Vagina
- Create your own!
Mar 27 2007 Welling in for Brilliant Teen Wolf Remake?
Put a shirt on, asshole.
Dark Horizons reports that location scouting is currently underway for a remake of the '80s teen comedy Teen Wolf with a clever new spin on it: the wolf is a girl! How do they come up with this stuff?! Already set for the cast is Tom Welling of Smallville, proving Superman's greatest weakness is not kryptonite but a really shitty agent.
Mar 19 2007 Brandon Routh Joining Justice League?
When a Justice League movie was recently announced, a big question was how the studio would deal with Superman and Batman's presence in the group since they were already being played by actors in their individual franchises. Well, according to sources at Moviehole, Batman will likely be omitted from the group while Brandon Routh, star of Superman Returns, will likely join this group outing rather than a direct sequel to his film. His starring picture now a huge ensemble piece. This is the casting equivalent of thinking you're going to poop, maybe after a long bout of not pooping but feeling like you had to, but only getting a fart. I feel bad for Brandon Routh, for only getting to fart.
Mar 8 2007 G.I. Joe Movie Stupider Than Originally Thought
Action Man questions the validity of this idea.
Earlier this week, it was revealed that a G.I. Joe movie was in the works, with Mark Wahlberg potentially starring. My hopes weren't high for the film, as it is based on military action figures, but after this summary of the plot provided by producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura, those hopes are completely shot.
Action Man is the equivalent of G.I. Joe internationally pretty much. It's a different character, but pretty much the same idea and his name is Alex Mann. So we're creating a buddy movie between Duke and Alex. That's what we're doing.
So, essentially he's taking two completely unrelated characters and teaming them up for no other reason than that they're both army guy toys. I was about to point out how stupid that is, comparing it to other infeasible team-ups I'd make up, but then I remembered Alien versus Predator, Freddy versus Jason, Batman versus Superman, and all the other team-ups done just because the characters were vaguely similar. So maybe this isn't as incredibly stupid and out there as I thought. It's just standardly stupid.
Is anyone else thinking Jackie Chan as G.I. Joe, Chris Tucker as Action Man? I smell money ($$$)!
Feb 23 2007 Justice League Movie in the Works
With the recent enormous popularity of superhero films, even when they're stupid and about a motorcycle driving skeleton, it was only a matter of time before someone embarked on the mother of all comic movies: the Justice League of America. Variety reports that Warner Bros. has commissioned Michele and Kieran Mulroney have been hired to pen the script for the potentially massive feature.
Though the JLA's lineup has continually changed over the years, it has included Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, Hawkman, the Atom and others. Now, the question remains as to how they'll cast such a huge film, particularly when Christian Bale and Brandon Routh are already playing the hero roles in other films. I'm guessing they'll have to scale down the star power, meaning we'll likely see the JLA with David Schwimmer as Superman and the newly laid-off cast of The OC filling out the rest.
I don't want to suggest Eddie Murphy in makeup for every role, but I'm just going to put it out there for you to think about.
Jan 17 2007 First AVP 2 Image
I don't know what I was expecting, but somehow this first image from Alien Versus Predator 2, while maintaining a strict adherance to the concept, is also utterly pathetic. Maybe it's that the Alien is hanging like an enamored girlfriend off the Predator's arm. Maybe it's that the flimsy rubber of the Alien suit is collapsing under the slight pressure of the Predator actor's hand. Or maybe I've just finally outgrown the notion of two characters from unrelated series duking it out in a story that strains to stretch an idiotic premise across an hour-and-a-half. That being said, if they make a movie where Superman fights Batman, or anything where werewolves fight zombies, it will be totally f***ing sweet.
Dec 14 2006 Underdog is Underwhelming
When a live-action adaptation of the '60s cartoon Underdog was announced, I'd foolishly assumed this would be live-action to the degree that Rocky & Bullwinkle was, with live humans and cartoon animals. It now looks to be (and IMDB confirms) more of an Air Bud, with a standard dog putting on a little outfit and pulling off amazing feats.
What really annoys me about this isn't that it's breaking the sanctity of Underdog canon. It's that I imagine these changes are being made to somehow make it more feasible to the American public. Some studio guys were probably pitched the idea, they talked it over, and came back with a note something like this...
MEMO: Love the idea of remaking something--people love to remember things over having new thoughts--but have some changes. Not sure audiences will buy the concept of an anthropomorphized dog who shines shoes and rhymes. Superman Returns was hot this year, so what if it's just that with a dog? (Is that dog from Frasier available? Seen the show, seems like he may already have superpowers. Look into.) Instead of shining shoes, make dog's name Shoeshine, and the story is of his friendship with a young boy. Idea: could we just buy My Dog Skip and CGI a little costume for the dog, put out a new poster? Please make changes discussed here, making sure it's too dumbed-down for either adult or child to find absolutely anything redeeming in it outside of just seeing what a dog looks like in a costume. Add a baby. Another idea just came to me: he should have a puppy at the end so we can use a new dog for the sequel, in case this one starts making too many demands. Thanks!
Poster under the cut.
Aug 31 2006 A Lois Lane Movie? Sure, Why Not.
For me, the draw to superhero movies has never been the cool, superpowered costumed hero. I'm seeing it for the one-dimensional love interest every time. It appears someone else feels the same way, as Sky News reports that Lois Lane will not only have a larger part in the next Superman film, but is in the works for her own spinoff as well. Now the only question is if the movie can stand up to the sky high standards of the Lois Lane comic. I'm hoping it will be based on the one where she falls under a spell that turns her into a centaur.
Aug 2 2006 Jackie Chan/Jet Li Team-Up Nearly Ready
Freddy vs. Jason, Alien vs. Predator, Batman vs. Superman, Penis vs. Vagina, and now Jackie Chan vs. Jet Li as the two kung fu cinema legends will finally share the the screen pending approval of a script, proving that if enough nerds keep talking about a fictional showdown, someone will eventually make it. Says Jack Chan:
All the hurdles have been overcome. The only problem left is the script. We need a script that he approves and I approve. If that goes well, shooting will start in March or April in Shanghai.
Luckily, I think I've got just the script for them. It starts with Jet Li fighting some guys, sometimes in slow motion. Eventually, Jackie Chan also fights some guys, but he hits some of them with kitchen appliances or other goofy things. Later, they team up to fight some more guys, leading up to a final fight with a blackbelt drug lord that killed some of their relatives. The last half hour is cuddling.
Jul 21 2006 Heath Ledger is the Joker?
According to the fabulous Latin gentlemen at Latino Review, the role of the Joker in the sequel to Batman Begins has been offered to the Australian star of Brokeback Mountain, Heath Ledger:
We were first to tell the world that Brandon Routh was going to be the new Superman. Now here we are at it again as we just got word from A VERY TRUSTED SOURCE that the offer last night was officially made to Heath Ledger to star as The Joker in the Batman Begins Sequel!
Funny that he'd be wearing more makeup as a crazed murderer than as a homosexual, eh? Funny if you're a homophobe! Think about it, bigot.
Jul 6 2006 Hollywoodland Trailer
The drama of Hollywood murder is no longer relegated to the TV movie thanks to Hollywoodland, which explores the mysterious death of 50s "Superman" star George Reeves (Ben Affleck). Adrien Brody, as a private detective, investigates if Reeves' death was a suicide or if he was shot in slow-motion in the eye, the most common form of Superman shootings.
Jun 27 2006 Spider-Man 3 Teaser Leaked
If you can't wait to see the Spider-Man 3 teaser trailer before Superman Returns, some trusty bootleggers have videotaped it and posted it online here.
Treating it like a sexual experience, I figured it wouldn't last long and took some photo proof. The Spider-Man shots are under the cut. Pictures of my sexual experiences are already on the Internet, keywords: small, pathetic, weeping, horses.
Jun 21 2006 How They Got Brando Talkin' In Superman Returns
One of the few things that makes Superman Returns a semi-sequel to the 1978 classic is that Marlon Brando reprises his role as Jor-El, Superman's father. Ain't It Cool News has a great video up that shows exactly how the digital effects team went about manipulating existing footage to add dialogue to Brando's performance for the new film. Once you learn how to do it, you can try it with your own father to transform his belligerent screaming into an "I love you."
Jun 20 2006 Preview the Superman Returns Soundtrack
If your dramatic reenactments of Superman trailer scenes are lacking a certain flavor, fear not: the soundtrack to Bryan Singer's Superman Returns is available for listening! Now as your brutally punch your pillow in the name of Krypton, the drama will transcend that drawing of the scene you made on an Arby's napkin. Jumping off your mother's dining room table will take flight while pumping this inspirational soundtrack. Listen over and over until you memorize it, then hum it while you wait overnight for tickets. During the movie, too. I'm sure no one will mind--you're f***ing Superman.
Warning: there's no Nickelback.
Jun 15 2006 Eleven Superman Returns Clips? Yes.
IESB has scored eleven new clips of the hotly anticipated Superman Returns. Apparently, the marketing campaign for this movie is to bombard us with so many pictures and clips that we've actually seen the movie by the time it comes out. Seeing this thing is going to be like sex with a porn star. It won't be bad, but a bit disappointing that you've already seen everything before you go in.
