Aug 4 2009 Portrait of Destro's Metal Head
With less than a week before the release of G.I. Joe, director Stephen Sommers has decided to slap up with some concept art to show that Destro, the character traditionally depicted as a man with a metal head, will indeed look like a man with a metal head (and apparently less like the Legends of the Hidden Temple face than previously thought). Now let's just hope the faithfulness of keeping him in the metal headpiece won't detract from the realism of militant ninjas and guys in super-suits jumping through buses.
Apr 30 2009 New 'G.I. Joe' Trailer: Many Things Wrong Here
G.I. Joe cartoons were, primarily, extended advertisements for toys. As a kid, you see this guy with a metal face riding in an awesome missile launcher, you want to play with those things, and you beg your parents until they buy them, and then you watch more of the cartoon so that you understand who should be firing what at who. Everyone but parents win. And I think that's a fine system. If the new G.I. Joe movie was a big commercial for new toys, I'd be alright with that.
But it's not. It's more like an infomercial for crappy, black Iron Man suits that let you dodge things Matrix style:
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Sep 3 2008 Stephen Sommers Directing 'Tarzan', Probably 'Tarzan Returns'
Stephen Sommers, best known for making stupid movies about Brendan Fraser fighting mummies (and occasionally Hugh Jackman fighting vampires), is currently destroying your childhood nostalgia as he tops off his live-action G.I. Joe with a zesty sadness vinaigrette. But what's he up to next? Here's a hint: it involves someone swinging from trees and screaming, and it's not Bobo the Tree-tard. From Variety:
Stephen Sommers is in negotiations to direct a bigscreen version of "Tarzan" for Warner Bros. and producer Jerry Weintraub.Sommers will also co-write the "Tarzan" script with Stuart Beattie. Sommers directed the recently wrapped "G.I. Joe" for Paramount, with Beattie penning the final draft of the screenplay.
Burroughs’ "Tarzan of the Apes" was written in 1912. Onscreen, the ape-man character became strongly identified with Johnny Weismuller during the 1930s in MGM’s series of features.
Oh brother, there goes Hollywood, screwing with my childhood memories again!*
*I'm 86 years old.
Jun 26 2008 Baroness Will Have Larger-Than-Expected Boobs
If you decide to give in to masochistic curiosity and pay to put a hit on your childhood nostalgia (by which I mean buy a ticket to G.I. Joe), a few questions will likely pass through your head before you're able to successfully slit your wrists with your seat's cupholder. "Why have I done this? Is Step Up really still talking? Are those really Sienna Miller's boobs, because I remember them being smaller when I looked at all those naked pictures of her?"
You may never get answers to the first two unless an usher can quickly fashion a tourniquet from a popcorn bucket, but I can help you with the last: No. No they aren't.
In an interview, the Baroness-playing actress revealed she had to wear breast enhancers for the role because director Stephen Sommers apparently has this really strange, unique fetish that causes him to prefer large boobs over smaller boobs. Weird, right? From the SF Gate:
She says, "(I wear a) tight black leather outfit. And much bigger boobs."They gave me these things that looked like chicken fillets. The director said, 'I'm gonna be honest, I like girls with big boobs,' and I don't have them so we made them bigger."
I don't know why the presence of bust enhancers would come as a surprise. We already saw that Scarlett is wearing them as armor.
Feb 19 2008 New 'G.I. Joe' Logo Looks Great on Tailgates
Found on a banner in Toy Fair this weekend, could this be the logo to the new G.I. Joe film? If so, did someone really design this, or do you think they just took the Chevy Tahoe logo and fixed a couple letters? Is the resemblance to a truck logo intentional, and this is director Stephen Sommer's sly way of admitting his movie will probably resemble a car commercial more than an actual film?
With all the pro-America patriotism in recent years, it seems weird they'd intentionally eliminate the distinct red, white, and blue stripes in the original G.I. Joe logo. Did GM finally get the national colors changed to chrome and mud-splatter? Why did no one tell me?
Jan 8 2008 Little Man/White Chick Joins 'G.I. Joe'
Oftentimes when you're making a movie, you start asking your self some important, critical questions. Where in my film is the bitingly edgy satire of a Scary Movie? Where is the laugh-out-loud social commentary of White Chicks? Why isn't anyone a comically small crook? When this problem arises, fear not: simply cast a Wayans.
G.I. Joe producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura has done just that, placing Marlon Wayans in the role of Ripcord, leader of the military unit, with Joseph Gordon-Levitt in negotiations to play Duke Hauser's best friend (forever?).
As the least loathsome Wayans, I suppose if it had to be one, he's the best option (though I wouldn't have minded seeing a Major Payne revival by Damon, maybe as Sgt. Slaughter). But honestly, we're talking the G.I. Joe movie, directed by Stephen Sommers. Does it really even matter?
Wayans enrolls in 'G.I. Joe' [Variety]
