Nov 18 2009 This Is the Droid You Were Looking For
As noted by one of my girlfriend sites, a search for R2-D2 in the new Star Trek has ended. (Also of note: there was a search to find R2-D2 in the new Star Trek?) The above shot has been confirmed to be the fabled cross-franchise, fan-fiction-like appearance by the droid in J.J. Abrams' reboot.
Fans of both series should enjoy the subtle nod from one fictional universe to another, whereas superfans of either series should be vexed for years trying to figure out how to justify a being from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away showing up in the 23rd century, and determining what disastrous consequences this anomaly may hold for both universes.
Nov 3 2009 Singin' in the Rain Special Edition: The Way George Lucas Originally Intended for Gene Kelly to Intend
You'd think Lucas could get James Earl Jones or anyone else for voice-over instead of this guy. But personally, I'm more upset Debbie Reynolds no longer sings the Yub Nub song at the end.
Oct 19 2009 Han Finally Pays for All That Careless Laser Firing on the Death Star
Yeah, funny... Except EVERYONE knows the Death Star's compactors are insulated with a special alloy of Nabooan materials chosen specifically for their sound dampening qualities!!! This video is NOT canon.
(Thanks, Ray.)
Aug 3 2009 'Star Wars' Home Movies: Not a Mash-Up Like It Sounds Like
Think the Star Wars DVD special features, Star Wars making-of books, and Star Wars Trivial Pursuits have shown you everything that could be known about the making of George's Lucas eternally tinkered-with sci-fi adventure? Wrong! Now available on internet: 8mm home movies of the original special effects team who made all that lightsabering possible. Really makes me wish I could go back and see it all happen firsthand, and maybe warn them about some future tragedies or make some money betting on the outcome of sporting events, because I'm assuming I get all my current memories when I go back, right? Otherwise, forget it.
Jul 17 2009 'Star Wars' Cast in 1978 Sears Catalogue
This may be somewhat dated, like around 30 years old, but I couldn't resist posting this unnatural photo most of the key Star Wars cast that's been going around (via Digg). How is it somehow more normal to see them dressed in fur, robes, and helmets than in regular clothes? I feel like I'm looking at the employees of an insanely mismatched, carnivalesque accounting firm.
Still though: Star Wars. Great movie, am I right?
Dec 1 2008 So Many Star Wars Photos
Michael Heilemann has a ridiculously large collection of Star Wars production stills, behind-the-scenes photos, and concept artwork, and rather than just brag about it at comic conventions, he's shared it online. Neatorama pointed me to Heilemann's Flickr photostream, a collection of nearly 3,000 Star Wars-related images, most of which I've never before encountered (or looked for in any way), such as the above shot of George Lucas invasively prodding a Death Star model.
It's really great how the internet affords us such a division of geek labor. Instead of everyone scrambling and fighting to get their own Star Wars pictures, we can have this guy work on gathering this sci-fi photo treasury while someone else works on constructing life-size replicas of cast of Dr. Who out of Lego, and in the end we all share the triumph of minutes of idle entertainment.
Apr 30 2008 10 Cool (i.e. Crazy) Japanese Star Wars Posters
George Lucas may have made a few trillion dollars on the Star Wars franchise, but that doesn't mean he didn't have to sell a few satellite dishes along the way. Using a very loose definition of "cool", starwars.com has collected "10 cool Star Wars posters from Japan," including the above ad for the Panacolor X--a system that apparently involves both a satellite dish on a tetherball pole and a 29" television. Besides being massively entertaining in their strangeness, the collection provides a helpful lesson in the Japanese way of thinking. In the U.S., we'd probably just do something like mount the dish on the side of Millennium Falcon, replacing the dish that's already there; you know, something that makes some degree of sense. There, the most obvious selling strategy is the unsettling image of George Lucas riding a satellite dish like a broomstick, sandwiched between Chewbacca and an Ewok, which is insane.
See the other nine here.
Feb 1 2008 Padawan Ahsoka Tano is Your New Favorite Jedi
The redundantly-titled upcoming CG-animated series, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, has a new character, and her name is just as hard to say as you'd expect--Ahsoka Tano. Described as "able to wield a lightsaber and pilot a spacecraft with great talent," she sounds like pretty much every other Jedi. At least she's hip to the popular fashion trends of today. The boots/tights/skirt combo is all the rage, particularly when paired with the cold gaze of apathy.
Full shot below the cut.
Continue Reading " Padawan Ahsoka Tano is Your New Favorite Jedi "
May 29 2007 Star Wars: The Clone Wars Sneak Peek
George Lucas has added some more water to his lemonade, further diluting the Star Wars universe with The Clone Wars, which you can see in this Lucasfilm sneak peek. "But wait," you ask, "Wasn't Episode II already about the Clone Wars?" No, dummy, that was just Attack of the Clones, not full-scale war. And this is an animated TV series.
"Oh, so it's the animated series Star Wars: Clone Wars by Genndy Tartakovsky, as seen on Cartoon Network," you foolishly say. No, though that was indeed animated and about the Clone Wars, this one is 3-D, moron.
"So it's an excuse to make another series, redesign the characters so they look like they're from a video game, then sell that video game with toys, t-shirts, and collectible Burger King watches?" Yes! Now you got it.
May 10 2007 Two Live-Action Star Wars Headed to TV
George Lucas announced to Fox News that he has decided to continue making the Star Wars universe shittier, injecting more of his out-of-touch ideas of humor and romance into two hour-long made-for-TV Star Wars movies. The director added that the stories won't involve the Skywalker family, and he has not yet determined what network they will air on.
At this point, having completely given up on the chance of a respectable Star War, I'm hoping they do this on the Lifetime Channel. Dean Cain stars as The Perfect Jedi, a young Jedi powerful with the Force and great with the son of single mom Shmoora (Tracey Gold). But it seems her suitor has a dark side, and as his Sith powers (and alcoholism) take control, Shmoora must go to extreme lengths to save her son... and the galaxy.
Oh, and ol' Lucas also said Spider-Man 3 was "a silly movie." I don't think the irony of this needs to be explained.
May 3 2007 Robot Chicken Star Wars Clips
Somehow Seth Green and the folks at Adult Swim's Robot Chicken got the fat, hairy tube wrapped in flannel known as George Lucas to participate in a half-hour spoof of that Star War of his. The stop-motion series will feature the voices of both the creator and Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill. The special airs June 17, but until then you can see the skit above and a trailer here. Shortly after this, expect a new line of Star Wars Robot Chicken Action Figures you'll have to buy, because you're f***ing obsessed.
Mar 13 2007 First Shot From New Star Wars Series
Despite the fact there won't be anything to stand in line in a costume for, many Star Wars fans are getting worked up for the new animated series planned to continue the Clone Wars saga. Starwars.com has released the first shot from the new show, which looks to combine the stylized look of Genndy Tartakovsky's Cartoon Network series with slightly more realistic 3D renderings. In short, Yoda is now a Pokemon.
Feb 22 2007 Zoo Poster
With now-famous video sensations like Star Wars Kid, Numa Numa Guy, and Nintendo64 Kid (search YouTube for these if interested), sometimes the Internet can make celebrities out of the unwilling when their personal videos find their way online. Such was the case of Mr. Hands, a Seattle man who let a horse have sex with his butt on tape as his friends watched/masturbated (search disgusting places for this if interested, pervert). Rather surprisingly, the horse's forearm-size member would eventually cause serious damage to Mr. Hands' standard-size internal organs, killing him.
Though he is now gone, Hands lives on through poorly-shot video and the warning not to ram a horse's penis into your intestines, but that is not his only legacy. His epic tale has now been immortalized through film in the movie Zoo, and here is the poster.
You know in a cartoon, when someone sees a lot of money and their eyes turn into dollar signs? This is the equivalent effect for when a horse sees that he gets to have sex with some dude.
Nov 20 2006 Peter Jackson Won't Return to Middle Earth
In a sad letter to the TheOneRing.net, Peter Jackson has confirmed that, due to problems with New Line, he will not be continuing his work on the Lord of the Rings saga with an adaptation of The Hobbit, and the company will find another director. I think a fan captured all our feelings best when he said, "One ring to rule them all, one director should make them all. Now back to waiting in line for something." Well spoken, anonymous nerd. Well spoken.
I've heard some fans are so outraged by the news that they already plan to boycott the movie when it eventually comes out. Sure, just like you "boycotted" the third Star Wars after you got so angry about the first two. Sorry, guys, but seeing it out-of-costume is still seeing it.
Sep 25 2006 Home of the Brave (America) Trailer
Like a hypodermic, watching the trailer for Home of the Brave will inject you with enough patriotism to support America's efforts abroad all week, immune to the dangerous virus of "logic." Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson and Jessica "Biel" Jackson, Brave takes us through the humanitarian effort of four soliders nearing the end of their tours of duty and the personal traumas they face once they get home--like Star Wars in Iraq. I'd definitely see this one if I didn't get all of my war propoganda from bumper stickers and begging street veterans.
Home of the Facts: While it took nearly half a century (1776-1819) to relocate all of the world's brave to the United States, it took nearly as long to finish production of Home of the Brave; Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson had to leave shooting several times to be shot.
Aug 31 2006 Star Trek: TOS Getting CGI Update (getting "Lucased")
Between keeping track of the reissuing the Star Wars films and their personal duties of repainting new uniforms on G.I. Joes, nerds just can't get a break when it comes to the renovations of their old obsessions. The latest to fall victim to the hand of progress is Star Trek: The Original Series (we in-the-know call it TOS, but quietly, so no one beats us up). Trek Movie claims the series will be re-aired with new CGI effects for the opening and outer space scenes created for HDTV broadcast. Great idea. Don't they know nerds hate it if you tamper with anything they have an obsessive following for? That's why so many have run away from home when their mothers replaced their Mountain Dew with Big K's Citrus Drop.
The studio hopes the updated effects will attract a younger audience, primarily by digitally replacing Chekov with Raven-Symone.
Aug 21 2006 Indiana Jones IV May Happen Thanks To McGuffin
Will Indiana Jones IV finally escape its temple of doom and make its last crusade onto screens? Does that even make sense? The answer to at least one of those questions was given by the Indy triumvirate--Lucas, Spielberg and Ford--as the trio revealed that, yes, they probably might make Indiana Jones IV in maybe mid-2007 for a 2008 release possibly. How are they so nearly certain? Because Lucas has a new philosophy on the series: make it as shitty as he made Star Wars.
"We're basically going to do The Phantom Menace", says Lucas (stay with him here, he's making a point). "People's expectations are way higher than you can deliver. You could just get killed for the whole thing...We would do it for fun and just take the hit with the critics and the fans...But nobody wants to get into it unless they are really happy with it".The 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation has freed up an idea for a plot that was originally deemed too incendiary.
"I discovered a McGuffin," continues Lucas, still reluctant to name said McGuffin. "I told the guys about it and they were a little dubious about it, but it's the best one we've ever found... Unfortunately, it was a little too 'connected' for the others. They were afraid of what the critics would think. They said, "Can't we do it with a different McGuffin? Can't we do this?" and I said "No". So we pottered around with that for a couple of years. And then Harrison really wanted to do it and Steve said, "Okay". I said, "We'll have to go back to that original MacGuffin and take out the offending parts of it and we'll still use that area of the supernatural do deal with it".
So the possibility for Indiana Jones IV has opened because of a McGuffin, eh? But of course, when Lucas throws around an unspecified McGuffin in an interview like this, fans are only going to be wondering one thing--why the hell does he keep saying "McGuffin"? Honestly, did he just hear the word?
Jul 7 2006 French Snakes on a Plane Poster
From what I can tell, this French version of the Snakes on a Plane poster is just hacked together from some production stills, and, from the way Sam Jackson's holding that Taser, possibly a Star Wars screenshot with a leather jacket drawn over Mace Windu. But somehow the parenthetical "Snakes on a Plane" below the title makes up for all of that.
Jun 27 2006 New Talladega Nights One-Sheet
Compared to the previous poster, the new one-sheet for Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby gives it a much more epic feel--like if Star Wars were set in the world of rednecks. But this galaxy far, far away is the American south, where your "Force" is measured by the number of American flags in your truck's rear window, and, I imagine, their lightsaber is some kind of more efficient way of beating women with light.
May 18 2006 Original Star Wars Trilogy DVD Covers
Starwars.com has given fans a glimpse of the September 12th release of the DVD theatrical release of the original Star Wars trilogy by providing the first look at the cover art. Each cover is an imitation of the classic, painted, original posters for the films, remade in a pieced-together, photo-montage style. These reinterpretations are nearly as good as when that middle-aged Creedence Clearwater Revival cover band at the bar down the street plays "Fortunate Son," but without the overweight dancing man who sometimes takes his shirt off.
I don't know why they've chosen to ruin the posters instead of just using the originals, but I can only assume it will somehow make George Lucas millions of dollars.
See the other two under the cut, then look at your walls to compare them to the original posters. Then look at that awesome poster for "Dark Side of the Moon," because we both know you have that one right next to it.
