Apr 3 2009 This Movie Needs a Sentient Animal: 'Free Style'
Through repeated viewings of Air Bud, Air Bud: Golden Receiver, Air Bud: World Pup, Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch, Air Bud: Spikes Back, MVP: Most Valuable Primate, MVP 2: Most Vertical Primate, and MXP: Most X-Treme Primate, I've come to easily identify when a kid-oriented sports film would benefit from the addition of an athletic animal: always. A kid-oriented sports film always benefits from the addition of a pet competing at a professional skill level.
Some kid from High School Musical on a dirt bike? I suppose that's alright if you haven't seen a chimp snowboarding, but that just doesn't cut it for those of us who have. What this movie needs is a sentient animal. So I added one:
Continue Reading " This Movie Needs a Sentient Animal: 'Free Style' "
Jan 6 2009 'Hotel for Dogs' Clip: Oooooh, I Hate That Dog Catcher!
Who's getting drunk and seeing Hotel for Dogs opening night with me? Come on, it will be a great time. If confusion about the film's premise is what's holding you back, let me clarify: it's about this hotel. Specifically, a hotel for dogs. If for some reason you need more than that rock solid plot, here's a new clip. It will make you hate dogcatchers for how they drive around in their puppy paddy wagon indiscriminately capturing dogs--even if children are claiming the dogs--just to meet their dog quotas. But don't hate the dogcatchers--hate the dog catching system.
So who's coming?
Dec 31 2008 Let's Continue Celebrating 'Marley & Me'
Marley & Me may already be out in theaters--and dominating!--but that doesn't mean we have to stop enjoying Earth's ever-increasing supply of Marley & Me propaganda. Hey, Marley, stop chewing that shoe--that might be a Prada shoe! Hey, Marley, something something at the gym! Marley, Owen Wilson loves Jennifer Aniston! Marley, why is the "22" on a post-it note? Hooray for Marley! And me!
Marley & Me Poster [IMPA]
Nov 25 2008 Another Poster for That Movie Where There's a Hotel for Dogs
Here's the new poster for what's basically the most anticipated movie on Earth right now, Hotel for Dogs. It's a good a.m. reminder that we have a allowed a movie to be named Hotel for Dogs. "What's the concept for your movie, movie writer?"
"Well, we're thinking something where there's this hotel, and it's for dogs."
"Sounds good. Let's make that movie, and we'll call it Hotel for Dogs, as in the entire concept."
Why not at least Mutt Motel? Canine Inn?
Hotel for Dogs Poster [IMPA]
Nov 10 2008 This 'Beethoven's Big Break' Trailer is MY Bacon!
My friend Kevin just sent me this trailer to the new Jonathan Silverman-starring Beethoven movie under the assumption I had been avoiding recognizing it for a month-and-a-half. In actuality, I knew nothing of it because only Jonathan Silverman's parents had been notified of its existence.
It's called Beethoven's Big Break, because this is a meta Beethoven: Beethoven the giant, horrible, misbehaving dog with a penchant for inappropriately jumping on things gets his "big break," and becomes a film star, playing himself in a Beethoven-like movie. It appears to be written and/or directed by someone who never saw as much as a preview for a prior Beethoven, and thinks jumping on a dining room table and shaking himself on a bed is somehow a new place to go with this character. Either that or they think that shaking off mud on a bedspread is Beethoven's equivalent of a catchphrase. And they found the weirdest looking kid to co-star:
Continue Reading " This 'Beethoven's Big Break' Trailer is MY Bacon! "
Oct 17 2008 'Marley & Me' Trailer Reminds Us Dogs That Aren't Talking Chihuahuas Are A-Holes
Why would you take a by-the-books Owen Wilson/Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy and combine it with the dog-as-a-mildly-sentient-asshole antics of Marmaduke? Because it's possible!
My favorite part is when "Bad to the Bone" starts playing. At that point I know, this dog must be a truly horrible dog. The music is laying it all down for me. Euthanize that puppy before he pulls his own logo into the frame and that familiar red-on-white lettering tells us this is meant to be a comedy. Give this dog the canine parvovirus before it ruins your fictional marriage, Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston. It's the only way when a dog is that bad to the bone.
