Oct 1 2009 Hugh Jackman To Play Boxer, Robot Boxer Trainer
Hugh Jackman, our premiere song-and-dance-man/clawed-superhero, is in talks to join the ridiculous robot boxer movie Real Steal.
The Shawn Levy-directed film would reportedly star Jackman as a Rocky Balboa-esque down-and-out fighter making a comeback. Except, you know how Rocky had to train hard to fight a younger, tougher opponent? Instead of that, Jackman would be training a boxing robot, in order for that boxing robot to fight another boxing robot. It's that kind of comeback. A real man-finds-redemption-through-fighting-robots story.
Dreamworks is hoping to get the film shooting by May, and John Gatins and Levy currently are working on the third draft for the script in preparation. Keep at it, guys. With seven months until production, I know you'll figure out a way to make it believable when, inexplicably, the robot refuses to fight and Jackman has to put on a robot disguise and win the match, earning the respect of his son and himself (and robotkind).
Sep 22 2009 John Malkovich Playing a Jockey?
That doesn't make sense, does it? He's 6'1". Yet still:
John Malkovich is set to join "Secretariat," the Randall Wallace-directed drama for Disney.Malkovich will play Lucien Laurin, the former jockey who became the trainer of the 1973 Triple Crown-winning racehorse. At the core of the film is the relationship between the horse and his owner, Penny Chenery (played by Diane Lane), a housewife who knew little about horse racing when she took over her ailing father's Virginia horse farm.
Disney, if I want to watch a film about the relationship between a racehorse and its owner who knows little about the sport, I'll stick with with Hot to Trot. That way I also get the added benefits of a full monthly dose of talking horses and Bobcat Goldthwait voice.
Sep 16 2009 Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots: The Movie (Unofficially)
Night at the Museums director Shawn Levy has signed on to direct Real Steel, a film--sadly, unassociated with Shaq's Steel--that will make you wonder how no one had yet thought to combine the Terminator and pugilism:
[T]he "Steel" story line takes place in a near future where human boxing has been outlawed, and heavy, humanoid robots slug it out in the ring instead. Into this world step a father and his estranged teenage son, who train an extraordinary fighter.
Wait, so in the future robots have to be trained to fight? What happened to programming them to be natural fighters and then having them flip through a boxing book super-fast like in Short Circuit? That seems like a step backward in boxing robot technology. Unless, à la Rocky IV, maybe evil programming and accelerated book reading is what only the Russian, Aryan boxing robots do.
Jul 15 2009 Christian Bale Gains and Loses Weight Like Oprah! Remember When That Would Have Been a Joke?
Why does Christian Bale look like a crack addict? Oh, because he's playing crack addict former boxer Dickie Eklund, "The Pride of Lowell," in The Fighter. And as we learned from his 60-pound weight loss for The Machinist, when Christian Bale is asked to get himself gaunt and sickly, Christian Bale gets himself gaunt and sickly.
Making the transformation even more impressive, apparently his jeans in the above shot are the same jeans he wore in The Dark Knight, which the actor hand-stonewashed and will soon have to re-dye dark in just three months for another role that requires dark jeans again. The guy is tireless in his commitment to weight and pant accuracy.
More crack-head photos at Just Jared. Check out the close-ups to see how Bale somehow made himself go bald for the part also.
Apr 21 2009 Two Notable On-Set Fighters Joining 'The Fighter'
Can we just figure out who is fighting who and be done with it already? The Fighter, a boxing script once attached to Darren Aronofsky with plans for Matt Damon, and then Brad Pitt, to star alongside Mark Wahlberg, is changing hands once again. Now Relativity Media is in negotiations with Christian Bale and director David O. Russell, both of whom have become famous for on-set freak outs (here and here, if you missed those), to take on the project:
Christian Bale and director David O. Russell are poised to get into the ring with Mark Wahlberg on "The Fighter."The picture is expected to begin production in July, though Relativity stressed that the principals’ deals are still being negotiated.
Pic tells the story of Boston fighter "Irish" Mickey Ward and how he was helped to the world lightweight championship by half-brother Dicky Eklund. Eklund once decked Sugar Ray Leonard and went the distance against the boxing legend before forfeiting his career to drugs and crime. He redeemed himself by training Ward through his Rocky-like run to the title.
So basically they've abandoned the film and decided to instead make a really, really pricey viral video of some adults yelling at each other. Someone should let the boys down at Relativity know that filming a cat with an empty soda box would get the same kind of attention for a lot cheaper.
Bale in ring with Wahlberg for 'Fighter' [Variety]
Apr 3 2009 This Movie Needs a Sentient Animal: 'Free Style'
Through repeated viewings of Air Bud, Air Bud: Golden Receiver, Air Bud: World Pup, Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch, Air Bud: Spikes Back, MVP: Most Valuable Primate, MVP 2: Most Vertical Primate, and MXP: Most X-Treme Primate, I've come to easily identify when a kid-oriented sports film would benefit from the addition of an athletic animal: always. A kid-oriented sports film always benefits from the addition of a pet competing at a professional skill level.
Some kid from High School Musical on a dirt bike? I suppose that's alright if you haven't seen a chimp snowboarding, but that just doesn't cut it for those of us who have. What this movie needs is a sentient animal. So I added one:
Continue Reading " This Movie Needs a Sentient Animal: 'Free Style' "
Feb 3 2009 'Slap Shot' Remake Will Cross Check Your Brain
Remake time! Universal is going ahead with plans for an update of Slap Shot:
Universal Pictures is ready to drop the puck on its "Slap Shot" remake, setting Dean Parisot to direct the redo of the 1977 hockey comedy classic.Peter Steinfeld ("21") is penning the script; Kathleen Kennedy and Frank Marshall will produce.
The original starred Paul Newman as the fading player/coach of a minor league hockey team. Trying to hype the Charlestown Chiefs for a possible move South, the coach ramps up interest by turning his team into a group of brawling thugs.
Well, at least Paul Newman isn't around to hear about this, and the musically-inclined Hanson Brothers are hopefully too irrelevant to star. But still no word on if a chimp will be on the team this time.
Parisot skates to 'Slap Shot' remake [Variety]
Jan 6 2009 Dwarfs Playing Basketball... with Dennis Rodman
It looks like this already was released, so I guess I missed the boat on this one, but whatever. When I saw the plot description for this movie, I knew it had to be shared: "Dwarfs playing basketball... with Dennis Rodman." And understand, it's not Dennis Rodman playing a role; it's just dwarfs playing with Dennis Rodman, who is playing Dennis Rodman the basketball player.
So here's that:
Continue Reading " Dwarfs Playing Basketball... with Dennis Rodman "
Nov 25 2008 Basketball, Plus There's Fighting: The Movie
Though it's been a decade-and-a-half since video games Arch Rivals and Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball swept us off our feet and into a paradise filled with equal parts punching and slam dunking, Thailand just got the memo that shooting hoops and breaking a dude's jaw is a great combination. They'll never catch up, the fools! But that doesn't mean they won't try. Here's the trailer for Fireball, their first attempt (that I know of) at fusing fightin' and b-ballin':
Continue Reading " Basketball, Plus There's Fighting: The Movie "
May 29 2008 'The Longshots' Trailer, from the Guy Who Brought You a Rap-Metal Cover of 'Faith'
Fred Durst made a movie about a rag-tag group of underdog athletes and their zany, unlikely rise to the championship? No, Fred Durst made a Ice Cube-supported inspirational comedy based on the true story of an adolscent girl quarterback facing discrimination based on her gender that has a title that implies it's about a rag-tag group of underdog athletes and their zany, unlikely rise to the championship. But it's still no less confusing that the leader of Limp Bizkit was given such a responsibility, or that the trailer is more like grueling Cliff Notes than a teaser.
Thanks to Kyle for the tip, and for tipping me off to Durst's next project: Screwballz! (The Jackie Robinson Story).
May 9 2008 Watch: First Seven Minutes of 'Speed Racer'
0-:30 - Help! I'm trapped in a sponsored kaleidoscope! Phew, I'm out. Apparently that was just the portal to a Nickelodeon locker room.
:30-4:00 - The constant rhythmic movements, the paralyzing hallucinations, the guttural outbursts, the insane scribblings, the Asperger-level singular obsession mixed with complete social disregard: it's abundantly clear that childhood Speed has some serious mental issues to overcome. I can't wait to see how they address such crippling psychoses in a family movie.
4:00-end - Never mind. I guess we're going to ignore all that in favor of a sneak peek of Nintendo's upcoming F-Zero Played on the Wario's Coliseum Mario Kart Course.
Continue Reading " Watch: First Seven Minutes of 'Speed Racer' "
Apr 29 2008 'Murph' Has a Poster and a Little Secret That Better Not Be What I Think It Is
Is the world's fastest horse's (Murph, I presume) "little secret" that he's small? Because unless most of the movie is about how Murph is going around in a long trenchcoat, standing on the back of another miniature horse to pretend he's a full size horse, that's not a secret; it's perfectly obvious Murph is small. I don't think he'll be sneaking that past any racing officials. So is the secret that the horse is a donkey? Again, I feel that if Murph were a donkey--as it appears he may be--that would be picked up pretty quick, particularly because, as mentioned, he's also exceptionally small, and looks like a donkey.
The only way I can figure this "little secret" thing would make sense is if the world's fastest horse is an entirely different horse, and it's about how he has to hide his illegitimate, idiot mule-child (Murph) to keep from disgracing his racing legacy. A friend suggested it might also work if it's like a mix of Cars and White Chicks: a story told from the perspective of the racing vehicle--horses in this case--with Murph going incognito to race with larger horses. I'm not sure I buy it, but I'm sure that's better than what it will end up being (probably an hour-and-a-half male-empowerment lesson that size doesn't matter).
Murph Poster [IMPA]
Jan 31 2008 'Leatherheads' Poster Attempt #2: Big Heads & Romance
Whereas the last Leatherheads poster confusingly left out all of the love-triangle elements to make it sports-centric, this one seems to be focusing exclusively on the romance between George Clooney and Renee Zellwegger, not even mentioning that co-star John Krasinski is a third romantic lead. Believe me, I wouldn't have decried the previous one had I know that my other option was seeing overly-airbrushed smugness beside a fourth-wall-breaking attempt at adorability.
New Leatherheads Poster [Empire]
Jan 30 2008 'Leatherheads' Poster Possesses No Rules
I'm confused as to why the marketing department for what appears to be a screwball romantic comedy set around early football decided to push the film's actual football playing as the sole selling point. Superbowl Fever? And now I'm torn which supplement would best finish the tagline: "...in love", "...until she came around", or "...actually, I guess there were still some rules."
The Leatherheads One-Sheet! [ComingSoon]
Dec 26 2007 'Semi-Pro' R-Rated Trailer Pushes D-Sucking Envelope
This is yet another goofy sports movie, with Will Ferrell playing the standard wacky, funny-haired Will Ferrell character you've come to expect, but this R-rated trailer seems to be differentiating itself in an odd way: with a deluge of dick jokes (particularly in reference to the sucking thereof) that push beyond even the running gag of Dewey Cox. Truth be told, if you can move beyond the aching feeling that you've seen this movie several times, the presence of Will Arnett, Tim Meadows, Andy Richter, and Matt Walsh adding to Ferrell's overwhelming comedic presence might make this a high point for the genre.
Continue Reading " 'Semi-Pro' R-Rated Trailer Pushes D-Sucking Envelope "
Dec 20 2007 'Kung Fu Dunk' Trailer Like 'Shaolin Soccer', Only Basketball
Kyle, who sent this in, described it as "Shaolin Soccer - Soccer - Stephen Chow + basketball," (i.e., basketball, but with near-flight and the ability to run so hard that your shoelaces snap) and that pretty much sums it up. The only thing I have to add is that I was pretty disappointed a movie called "Kung Fu Dunk" wouldn't involve Shaq.
Continue Reading " 'Kung Fu Dunk' Trailer Like 'Shaolin Soccer', Only Basketball "
Dec 14 2007 Let 'Leatherheads' Trailer Take You to Platonic Male Crush Heaven
You think George Clooney's taking any cues from his work with the Coens? The goofy hairstyles, the period setting, the fisticuffs fighting stance and subsequent cross-eyed reaction all seem familiar. Considering the uproarious love triangle story line, Clooney probably just saw Sabrina and thought it would be better with the sensibilities of O Brother, Where Art Thou? And football. Added props for having his gentlemanly referee replicate Stephen Tobolowky's punch reaction from Groundhog Day flawlessly.
I'd say he robbed the fast-talking female reporter character from Hudsucker Proxy, but I doubt Georgie would even bother to watch the Coen movies he doesn't appear in. Besides, we all know that role for Renee Zellweger and the entire movie itself were conceived merely so Clooney here could get himself some steady ex-sex. He's probably immune to that post-coital shame, too. He IS George motherf***ing Clooney, after all.
Leatherheads Trailer [Yahoo!]
May 31 2007 Myeah, See? Clooney and Soderbergh Make Football Movie
Shooting has just wrapped on Leathernecks, a 1920s football movie directed by George Clooney and written by Clooney and Steven Soderbergh. The plot, according to co-star Jonathan Pryce:
George plays for a ragtag, over-the-hill football team. They attract John Krasinski, star college football player to come and play. I’m [his] sleazy agent and manager,” Pryce divulged. “[There’s a] bit of a scandal involved. Renee Zellweger, ace reporter, is dispatched to expose [it].”
My only hope on this one is that everyone talks like they're in a 20s gangster movie, or the Hudsucker Proxy.
"Lookey heah, see? I though I toldja to button hook. Now hand me the pigskin, and make it snappy, see?"
