Sep 11 2009 Coming To Theaters This Week's End
This weekend in theaters, you have your pick of goggle-eyed dolls, snowy murder, girls gone wild murder, or a Madea, you lucky dog.
Details:
9
Director: Shane Acker
Starring: Elijah Wood, Jennifer Connelly, Crispin Glover
Good if you want to see: Post-apocalyptic rag dolls; this short, but longer, and now one of the guys sounds like Elijah Wood.
I Can Do Bad All By Myself
Director: Tyler Perry
Starring: Taraji P. Henson, Tyler Perry, obviously.
Good if you want to see: thick, thick melodrama, and then, out of nowhere, Madea bein' all sassy; what everyone will be talking about at your Baptist church this Sunday; if someone can do bad unassisted.
Whiteout
Director: Dominic Sena
Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Gabriel Macht, snow
Good if you want to see: MURDER! In ANTARCTICA!
Sorority Row
Director: Stewart Hendler
Starring: Briana Evigan, Rumer Willis, Old Leia
Good if you want to see: I Know What You Did Last Summer, now with more sorority girls and a tire iron.
Sep 2 2009 Final 'Sorority Row' Poster: God, College Girls Love Photobooths, and Murder
I would hope this film wouldn't win any sort of awards, but if it does, a good one would be "Most Discreet Masking of Rumer Willis's Unnaturally Large Chin."
Final 'Sorority Row' One-Sheet [Bloody Disgusting]
Jul 6 2009 'Sorority Row' Has a Vacant-Eyed Lady-Pile
You're welcome, guy with a vacant-eyed lady-pile fetish.
'Sorority Row' Poster [MySpace] (via IMPA)
May 15 2009 'Sorority Row' Poster: Death by This MURDER IRON
Remember Sorority Row, the movie where some girls play a prank on a guy, pretending he manslaughtered their sorority sister, he sensibly stabs the pseudo-corpse with a tire iron to chop up the body, she then actually dies, and then the movie becomes I Seriously Still Know What You Did Last Summer? (Trailer, if you need a refresher.) Welp, here's the poster, featuring a hand brandishing a four-way MURDER IRON: one part harpoon, one part glaive, one part undetermined weapon extending past the poster's edge, and, best of all, your classic spoon-type tire iron end. Just in case, you know? What if your tire goes flat? Even if you're driving to murder someone, you still might need something to pry with. That's smart ludicrous weapon design.
The Teaser Poster for Sorority Row [Shock Till You Drop]
Mar 19 2009 'Sorority Row' Trailer: Sorority Life Isn't All Pillow Fights -- Sometimes It's MURDER
Why isn't I Know What You Did Last Summer part of the standard school curriculum yet? College-age kids need to know that, if they accidentally kill someone and subsequently try to cover it up, someone will inevitably know what they did last summer, put on a murderin' hood, and come for revenge. Get IKWYDLS into classrooms. Let the children know it's better to confess their crimes and face the consequences than to face the wrath of a hooded serial killer. Or at least let them know that I Know What You Did Last Summer exists so that they won't grow up and make it again:
