Jul 18 2007 Shrek the Fifth is Coming!
Remember two months ago when Jeffrey Katzenberg said there would be one more Shrek, insisting he'd always envisioned a fourth and final story of the character's origin? Well, Richard Sullivan, a Dreamworks animation rep, has now essentially told the LA Times, "Did he say four? He meant five--but then that's definitely, probably it." That's right--they're making a fifth Shrek!
I know that a lot of you must be thinking that they're only doing this because Shrek has made enough money to fund the scientific creation of a real, living and breathing Shrek that shits hundred-dollar bills. Well, you couldn't be more wrong. Shrek has never, and will never, be about money. Shrek has always been about creating boring, inoffensive family entertainment. It is only that strong commitment to mediocrity--a pledge made by Dreamworks and signed by Smashmouth--keeping the Shrek franchise alive. As long as there are banal, uninspired stories to tell, Shrek will continue to tell them, whether that means making billions of dollars or not.*
*they will stop making them if they stop making billions of dollars.
May 22 2007 Shrek 4: The Origin Story
Though I'm barely recovered from the pure joy that was this weekend's box office winner, Shrek the Third (I'm already calling it "Shrek the Best!"), Jeffrey Katzenberg has announced DreamWorks is starting on an origin story for the lovable ogre, since he'd always envisioned Shrek's story as a four-parter. Thank God it's not just because this one made $122 million in one weekend! I worried they'd try to milk something like that for more sequels just to make more money, so it's refreshing to hear that's definitely not what they're doing. He clearly always thought there would be four of them: three in succession, then one that seems like an afterthought, but definitely isn't. Another victory for integrity, quality family entertainment, and Shrek-loving audiences!*
*Everyone loves Shrek.
May 10 2007 ALL SEQUELS, ALL THE TIME!
"Quick, somebody beat it!"
If you're a big Hollywood exec, why take a chance on a new project? It's a safer bet to go with something that's already established and then milk that cow till it shits blood.
Here is just some of the sequel news that's floating around:
L.A. Confidential 2
Terminators 4-6
Step Up 2 [Ed. Note: Yeah, I hadn't heard of it either]
Pirates of the Caribbean 4
Fantastic Four 3
Superman 2 (or is it 6?)
Hostel 2
Shrek 4
Sin City 2
Indiana Jones 5
Harry Potter 6
Rambo 4
Lost Boys 2
And I'm sure I missed a few. I didn't even bother with spinoffs and remakes.
Apr 2 2007 Shrek the Third Poster, Plus Shrek 4!
I'd love to smack that smug grin off his big fat ugly face. Would you?
Along with this new French poster for the latest Shrek film comes the information that there is a fourth addition to series already forming. With this news, it just keeps getting more and more likely that these animated movies are the horsemen of the apocalypse. Our end will come to the funky tunes of Smashmouth.
Mar 20 2007 Shrek the Third Poster
In the new poster for Shrek the Third, it's revealed that our portly green hero is "in for the royal treatment." If you've ever been in prison, you know exactly what that means and can understand the disgust in Shrek's face. I have the feeling that outfit isn't going to help either.
Mar 2 2007 Paprika Trailer
While American animation continues to stagnate in the world of Shrek sequels, the Japanese are reinventing my nightmares with strange, surreal imagery and terrifying mutations, as seen in this trailer for Paprika. I don't know how to explain what it looks like except by saying that this might be your new "playing Pink Floyd and staring at a black light poster."
Feb 8 2007 Shrek the Third Full Trailer
Shrek continues the business of keeping Smashmouth recording by means of fairy tale parody in Shrek the Third, and the full trailer is now available. Certain religious groups may be punished in the afterlife for celebrating this green, hellish demon's exploits, so try to enjoy the mediocre humor while you still can.
Dec 19 2006 Shrek the Third Trailer
If you loved Shrek 1 and 2, you've got to see the trailer for Shrek the Third! Maybe that will finally beat the misplaced interest out of you.
Nov 9 2006 Free Jimmy Trailer
All the way from Norway, re-written for English by Simon Pegg, comes Free Jimmy, a film combining the animation style of Shrek with the dialogue, accents, and sex and drug themes of Trainspotting. If your child has been resistant to accepting drug culture, criticizing your interest in black lights, jam bands and hangin' out, the goofy, drug-addicted cartoon elephant of Free Jimmy might be the perfect guide to lead your children into the world of recreational substance abuse. Let's face it, your kid needs it; he's boring and doesn't fully "get" Power Rangers.
Oct 24 2006 Shrek the Third Princesses
A look at all five princesses of Shrek the Third or the cast of The View? Only God can decide.
High resolution here, suitable for computer desktop, printing, taboo masturbation.
Sep 27 2006 Shrek the Third the Poster
Hey Shrekophiles (that's right, I've named you freaks), here's your poster for the last piece of the Shrek trilogy, Shrek the Third. Strangely, it leaves out the film's new tagline, "Still Big, Still Green, Still Buying/Trading Vintage Child Pornography." But this is just the teaser, and not even finalized. There's still time.
