Nov 3 2009 Successful Film Begets Sequel: 'Paranormal Activity 2'?

Surprising absolutely no one, a brief article in the Hollywood Reporter reveals that Paramount is looking at making a sequel to Paranormal Activity, the recent shaky-cam hit that, at $85 million gross and climbing, has made roughly one billion times its $15k budget back.

Have we really learned no lessons from our rich shaky-cam horror history? Must we repeat our mistakes to remind us of the terrible lessons learned by making Blair Witch 2? (Apparently, since the Blair Witch guys want to make a new Blair Witch 2 to replace the current Blair Witch 2.) Come on, Paramount. We don't need another Paranormal Activity--the current one already has more than enough recognizable scenes to easily, lazily parody in the next Scary Movie, so what's the point of making another? That is the point of these movies, right?

Apr 30 2009 Who Framed Roger Rabbit This Second Time He's Being Framed?

Now that we have digital tools and performance capture, the power to re-create the effects of a 20-year-old movie is at our fingertips. Time to make another sequel to a decades-old film. From MTV:

[W]hen MTV News caught up with director Robert Zemeckis recently, he dropped a news bomb that had our eyes popping cartoon-style out of our sockets. “I’ll tell you what is buzzing around in my head now that we have the ability—the digital tools, performance capture—I’m starting to think about ‘Roger Rabbit,’” he told us.

I have no idea what performance capture would have to do with animating a madcap, intentionally cartoonish, animated rabbit. It sounds like you're planning to ruin things, Robert Zemeckis. Please don't motion capture Tom Hanks to animate Roger Rabbit.

Besides, clearly HD TVs and Blu-ray are the more impressive technologies when talking about a Roger Rabbit sequel. It's going to look so good when I meticulously, frame-by-frame, step through the movie looking for any possible Jessica Rabbit upskirts.

Jan 31 2008 Inevitable 'Cloverfield' Sequel Looming

What did you think upon first walking out of Cloverfield? That was enjoyable enough, if gimmicky and unbelievable? What a letdown after six months of marketing? I feel incredibly nauseous? If any of these are close, you obviously aren't a Paramount executive; their reaction to your leaving the theater was pupils transforming into dollar signs and the audible ching of cash register. Yes, as you've probably already suspected (and despite a massive box office drop from its opening week, an indicator that maybe audiences don't want to see more Cloverfield), Paramount is in talks with director Matt Reeves to direct a sequel to the shaky-cam hit.

Matt Reeves is in early talks with Paramount to direct a "Cloverfield" sequel, and he has also made a deal with GreeneStreet Films to direct "The Invisible Woman."

Timing of the projects will depend on how quickly Paramount can complete discussions with Reeves, producer J.J. Abrams and scribe Drew Goddard to scare up another monster tale for the "Cloverfield" sequel. There's a good chance the sequel will be Reeves' next film, in which case he will direct "The Invisible Woman" afterward.

I think there's a metaphor to be made here about something huge rising out of nowhere, creating a huge spectacle, and drawing massive crowds, only to have it mercilessly bombed to a painful oblivion. I'm not willing to piece it together, but you get the idea.

Paramount sows 'Cloverfield' sequel [Variety]

Sep 11 2007 Tron Sequel: Tron Guy Speaks Out

On the one hand, it's utter sacrilege to even consider touching the masterpiece that is the "Electronic Gladiator," Steven Lisberger's 1982 classic, Tron. Kevin Flynn's journey through a computer, forced to battle the very programs he created (I can understand this, as a computer programmer) is so masterful in its epic battles, groundbreaking special effects, and engrossing, realistic story that I can't imagine what could be added to this science-fiction keystone. It would be like adding paint to the Mona Lisa! Though I guess painting on a luminescent helmet and energy disk might add something...

UPDATE: What appears to be the actual Tron Guy has added some words in the comments section, noting that he didn't write this entry, and that his true feelings are here (though not that dissimilar). There may be some truth to this.

Continue Reading " Tron Sequel: Tron Guy Speaks Out "

Sep 6 2007 Talk of Throw Momma From the Train Sequel Perfectly Embodied in Original Poster

In news I would have never even considered, Danny DeVito told MTV Movies that he's seriously considered doing a sequel to Throw Momma From the Train, saying:

I actually haunt Billy [Crystal] all the time. I always call him and say we should do a sequel. I called Billy at 7AM one morning. I must have woken him up and I was like, 'I have this idea.' He was like, 'Are you done?' He went back to sleep.

While this is strange news, I find it even odder that Billy Crystal is suddenly so picky with his sequels. What, were Analyze That and City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold such great scripts that you couldn't turn them down? You should be grateful this project wouldn't involve you standing around telling 20-year-old jokes with Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams. And besides, how else will we know...

...has Momma been thrown from another train?
...what other transportation has Momma been thrown from?
...have other relatives have been thrown off things?
...if Momma is thrown north off a train at 50 mph, how long it would take for her to reach another train traveling south at 65 mph?
...what is Momma's relation to Mama of Mama's Family?
...where is Curly's gold?

You may have answered the last one, actually.

So Would It Be 'Throw Momma From The Train...Again'? [MTV]

Aug 13 2007 Jurassic Park IV features dinosaurs with weapons

Universal Pictures has begun casting for Jurassic Park IV, which is set to start filming in Kauai, Hawaii later this year. Laura Dern confirmed she'll be returning as Dr. Ellie Sattler, though Sam Neill will not be returning. Curious why? Maybe it's because the plot of this one features the government training dinosaurs to carry weapons and use them for battle purposes. No, seriously. This is what they came up with. It's like a practical joke that's gotten way out of hand. Like Universal Studios was having a pitch meeting and somebody jokingly said, "Let's give the dinosaurs guns." And somebody in charge took him seriously and approved it. Then it just kept going up the chain of command until BAM Jurassic Park IV was born. The only way the plot could get any more ridiculous is if the dinosaurs also talk and wear parachute pants.

EDIT: For some reason I had Jurassic Park IV spelled Jurassing Park IV in the title. Wanna know how that happened? Beekuz I spel reel gude.

'Jurassic Park IV' Story Details Revealed, Casting Begins! [Bloody Disgusting]

Aug 3 2007 Futuristic Snow White Sequel (with Shaolin Warriors!)

Hong Kong's Wen Wei Po newspaper has always stood for truth and integrity in journalism, but I'm finding it slightly difficult to believe the premise they're reporting of a new Snow White movie starring Natalie Portman and Jet Li. Aside from the fact is isn't being reported in the major trades, it's also a bat-shit crazy idea that gets crazier as it goes on:

It is set thousands of years after the original Snow White story, when the princess has reincarnated into a young woman, played by Natalie Portman.

Her evil stepmother wants to collect the seven pieces of her magic mirror to resume her power.

The Shaolin temple in central China, which has been protecting the mirror for thousands of years, sends seven warriors, led by Jet Li, to protect the mirror and the young woman.

Can this possibly be real? If so, can there also be some kind of battle where the dwarfs mount talking dinosaurs to fight ninjas? It would make just as much sense and would be really awesome.

Source

Jul 27 2007 A Bunch of Dark Knight Stuff

With the launch of another new viral marketing site by Warner Bros, supposedly made by The Joker, and more being done at ComicCon, new Dark Knight stuff has been flooding in.

You can apparently get an official HD copy of the already-leaked teaser trailer here, and there are more images and promo materials here. As a warning, I haven't finished downloading the trailer yet, so don't blame me if it's just more chipmunks eating poop.

Source

Jul 19 2007 The Coreys Are Still Acting

In a clip faker than a hooker's orgasm (though the crying is usually genuine), Corey Feldman tells Corey Haim about the Lost Boys sequel and that he's not going to be in it. If it were anyone else, I'd say "Buck up, kid, you dodged a bullet on this one, trust me." But even a crappy, direct-to-DVD movie directed by a guy named "PJ" is better than playing on a Casio keyboard and listfully staring out the window.

No word on whether the Sax Man will be back for part 2. I'd rent it for that.

Source

Jul 18 2007 Shrek the Fifth is Coming!

Remember two months ago when Jeffrey Katzenberg said there would be one more Shrek, insisting he'd always envisioned a fourth and final story of the character's origin? Well, Richard Sullivan, a Dreamworks animation rep, has now essentially told the LA Times, "Did he say four? He meant five--but then that's definitely, probably it." That's right--they're making a fifth Shrek!

I know that a lot of you must be thinking that they're only doing this because Shrek has made enough money to fund the scientific creation of a real, living and breathing Shrek that shits hundred-dollar bills. Well, you couldn't be more wrong. Shrek has never, and will never, be about money. Shrek has always been about creating boring, inoffensive family entertainment. It is only that strong commitment to mediocrity--a pledge made by Dreamworks and signed by Smashmouth--keeping the Shrek franchise alive. As long as there are banal, uninspired stories to tell, Shrek will continue to tell them, whether that means making billions of dollars or not.*

*they will stop making them if they stop making billions of dollars.

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Jul 17 2007 Further Indiana Jones Adventures?

Harrison Ford (right) in a rarely captured embrace with greed.

I thought we had the promise that the fourth Indiana Jones film would wrap up the series, but now comes word from IESB that Harrison Ford has signed on to a three-picture deal in the series, with his co-star Shia LaBeouf signing on for four. Now if they somehow manage to not destroy the series with this one, they get three more chances! Though I do find it strange that Ford would be planning films so far past his death.

UPDATE: And it's already being denied by Lucasfilm. But you'll notice he never denied the possibility of a second E.T.

Source

Jul 17 2007 More, Better Looks at Joker

Yes, someone has gotten slightly closer to the set of The Dark Knight and grabbed even more shots of the anticipated villain. Until Warner Bros. supplies us with the quality and quantity of pictures expected from Sears Portrait Studio, expect more of the same. This one gives a better idea of the costume and the manner in which Joker requests sexual favors.

In addition, this Chicago Fox affiliate nabbed some additional Joker footage where he's standing around. I won't be happy until someone gets a "nip slip."

Jul 16 2007 Paramount Can Make Indy Sequels Long After Harrison Ford's Death

Bay was too distracted by Megan Fox's tits to notice that his characters were reacting to the same offscreen action while looking in two different directions.

Despite reports that 65-year-old Harrison Ford is doing all his own stunts and is fighting a courageous battle against incontinence, Paramount has taken no chances with the franchise, signing Shia LaBeouf for three additional Indy pictures, or at least the option to.

LaBeouf has also starred in Disturbia, Surf's Up, and Tranformers this year. His contract with Paramount reportedly includes an option to come to your house and bang your girlfriend, then hang out all day drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Should you choose to initiate conversation, he retains the right to playfully punch you in the shoulder and call you "sport".

Source

Jul 16 2007 Ace Ventura Now Young, Fat

If you love sequels where the main character is replaced by his/her son or daughter, you're going to drop a load of excitement over this news! Ace Ventura's son will be played by husky department frequenter and Nancy Drew/License to Wed star Josh Flitter in a second sequel to Jim Carrey's breakout movie.

To me, the biggest shock here is that this is actually a 12-year-old. I'd assumed he was just one of those small men that have the chubby kid disease, like Andy Milonakis or the Campbell's soup kids. Now I feel kind of bad for all the times I've said how hard he is to look at.

Source

Jul 6 2007 Danny Boyle Says Ewan McGregor is Soft

The invention of the "Scottish Filter" allowed Boyle to shoot love scenes with his countrymen, whose skin tones made the operation impossible with earlier technology.

In a recent interview on Kurt Loder's MTV show, I Can't Believe I'm Still Alive, Danny Boyle says it might be a while before we see a movie version of Porno, Irvine Welsh's sequel to Trainspotting. The main reason being that the cast of the original don't look old enough yet.

We won’t be able to do it for a while because the guys don’t look any different. They haven’t aged at all! They give this impression to the public that they’re out drinking and smoking, when in fact they are in a spa somewhere in the country!

Danny Boyle must shout a lot! Or maybe the writer just had too much coffee! Anyway, don't fret, fans - Kevin Smith's already making a Porno movie. Except in Smith's version, the nihilistic Scottish drug addicts will be replaced by neurotic Jersey douchebags who argue about Star Wars in stilted dialogue.

Source

Jun 27 2007 Sam Raimi is Nerd Baiting

Sam Raimi never let a receding hairline stand in the way of his desire to grow emo bangs.

In an effort to further smear mud on the retainers of everyone who criticized Spider-Man 3 for having too many villains (oh shit, I was one of those people, wasn't I?), Sam Raimi now says he'd like to see Spider-Man 4 with, like, six villains.

I would love to see Electro, Vulture, maybe the Sinister Six as a team.

Honestly though, I wouldn't read too much into this. Despite what the dorks on the other movie blogs are spitting about this, the source article they're quoting from is basically about Sam Raimi saying nicely that he's not coming back for a fourth Spider-Man. So when he talks about the number of villains that might be in it, he's just talking out his ass. Kind of like the time he told me my utility belt was just an extra long red vine and that my loin cloth had fallen off. Yeah, sure buddy, whatever you say.

Jun 25 2007 Kill Bill 3 and 4

Just when you were ready to lay down some cash for Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair, which finally merges the two volumes of the kung-fu epic, word has come that volumes 3 and 4 have been plotted and may shoot in China. The new chapters would involve the daughters of the Bride's victims seeking revenge, and knowing QT, that revenge will likely involve swords and enormous amounts of blood.

Now it's time for the grueling wait for the four-part box-set to be released sometime around 2045, but it will be worth it--did I mention it's a hologram and comes in pill-form?

Source

Jun 21 2007 Kevin Smith Interviews Bruce Willis, Wears 'Jorts'

People are always asking me, 'Kevin, why would you let your 7-year-old daughter be your stylist?' and I always say, 'Look, I could just give her an allowance, but I wanted her to learn the value of hard work.'

Kevin Smith always seems to be at his best when he's not making movies. In this clip, he gets to interview Bruce Willis, asking such gems as, "Do you think if you were from anyplace else [besides Jersey], that you'd be Bruce Willis today?"

That is truly a question for the ages, Mr. Smith. Perhaps if he were from Houston instead, he'd be Stanley Griggs, a nebbish accountant with a hirsute fetish spawned when he was molested by a fur seal during a trip to the gulf. But really, I don't blame Smith for this interview - it's obvious it was edited by some studio suit's ADD-afflicted cousin and probably cuts out anything interesting that they covered. Bummer, 'cause I would kill for another giant spider story.

Jun 18 2007 The Dark Knight Rides a Bike

The guns on the batbike can by operated by speaking the magic words "Pew pew pew!"

The L.A. Times has two new pictures from The Dark Knight of the bat bike, or "Batpod" as it's referred to in the movie. I've managed to combine the two pictures here for easy browsing, utilizing Photoshop skills the likes of which the world has never seen.

It's hard to see from the picture, but the Batpod actually has a chain link steering wheel and a rack for mounting a boombox from which to blast Cypress Hill while cruising through East L.A. Odelay, guey!

Jun 15 2007 10 Minutes of Die Hard Are....Eh?

I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom

10 minutes of Live Free or Die Hard (or as I like to call it, Die Hard 4: Someone is Trying to Die Me, Hard, but I Wanna Live Free and Not Die. Hard.) is now online at Yahoo Movies Japan. Medium Quality Version, High Quality Version

Judging by this, I'd say... eh. I'm not sure. It looks like they got the wisecracking down, but the music's a little much and I'm a bit worried they've turned John McClane into superman. But what the f***, I'll give it a chance. 'Cause I mean it's either go see that or bang supermodels. My life is so predictable.