May 21 2009 'Paul Blart: Zookeeper' Gets Its Ridiculously Unlikely Love Interest

The beautiful, miniature-panty-licking Rosario Dawson has signed on to play the love interest in Kevin James's newest pedestrian job-based comedy, The Zookeeper. Because that's a believable couple. And also a thoroughly believable movie story involving animal matchmakers:

Rosario Dawson will star opposite Kevin James in romantic comedy "The Zookeeper," with Happy Madison producing along with James, Todd Garner, Jeff Sussman and Jennifer Eatz.

Live actioner centers on zoo animals trying to teach the keeper their methods of dating and mating to help him win back the woman of his dreams.

Ohhhh, he's winning back Rosario Dawson. I thought he'd be wooing her for the first time. That makes sense then. He used to date Rosario Dawson, but then they broke up because he didn't know how to mate, but now the two will get back together because sentient zoo animals have since taught Kevin James animal methods of sex. That plot is sound. I see how this could work out well:

Penguin: "Insert your penis into her vagina."

Paul Blart: "I can't! I'm on a Segway! This is crazy!"

Rosario Dawson: "I love you. Again."

Announcer: "Buy The Zookeeper on DVD and Blu-ray this Tuesday."

'Zookeeper' locks up Rosario Dawson [Variety]

Sep 29 2008 'Seven Pounds' Trailer Helps Everyone It Touches (Up to Seven People)

Whoops, sorry for the late start. Here's the trailer for Seven Pounds, more aggressive melodrama from the Pursuit of Happyness team of director Gabriele Muccino and dramatic thespian Will Smith. Smith did some undefined wrong in the past, and now he's going to help some people in a unmentionable way. I can't take all the vagueness and touching, Pax Network-level drama!

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