Nov 20 2009 'Last Song' Trailer: Miley Cyrus Gets Her Shot at Bland Teenage Drama
Britney Spears had Crossroads; Mandy Moore had A Walk to Remember; now Miley Cyrus (or is it Hannah Montana when she's acting?) gets her shot at moving from pop songs to insipid melodrama with The Last Song. Based on a Nicholas Sparks book--like A Walk to Remember--the film seems to be about Cyrus/Montana visiting father Greg Kinnear's beach house, meeting a boy, kissing that boy, and the boy executing the fucking strangest, most puzzling romantic gestures he can muster. It's like watching a girl fall in love with a handsome psychotic:
Continue Reading " 'Last Song' Trailer: Miley Cyrus Gets Her Shot at Bland Teenage Drama "
Nov 17 2009 Anna Faris Also in Another Horribly Titled Movie
Remember how annoying girls about a decade ago would sometimes be like, "Yikes, tee em eye! (Too much information!)" Well, someone thought that would make a good title for a modern feature film, and Ryan Reynolds and Anna Faris will be starring in it:
Universal Pictures has acquired "TMI," a comic vehicle for Ryan Reynolds and Anna Faris.Scripted by Kirsten "Kiwi" Smith and Marc Klein, the comic premise is that while honesty is the best policy for a relationship, "too much information" might not be the best thing.
Ah, how beautifully high concept. Couple makes agreement to tell each other everything; arrangement leads to anger, jealousy, and Yes Man-style comedy; couple finds moral that maybe complete openness really can lead to... TOO MUCH INFORMATION; audience forever forgets hollow film ever existed twenty minutes after exiting theater. Once you've got the cast in place, the "you did WHAT???"s practically write themselves.
Nov 17 2009 Anna Faris Joins [Title Too Offensively Punny for Headline]
Wedding BANNED. She's joining a Robin Williams movie called Wedding BANNED:
Anna Faris is in negotiations to star as Robin Williams' daughter in "Wedding Banned," a romantic comedy for Touchstone."Banned" revolves around a long-divorced couple who kidnap their daughter (Faris) on her wedding day to prevent her from making the same mistakes they did. The parents rekindle their relationship as they elude cops and the angry groom.
Williams is on board as the father; the mother has not been cast.
See, a wedding BAND is a ring you wear to signify that you're married. This is a subtle twist on that: the word "band" has been replaced with the similar sounding "banned." Because Robin Williams is stopping Anna Faris's marriage, effectively banning it. Wedding Banned. The title is Wedding Banned.
I have to go punch some things now.
Nov 13 2009 'Leap Year' Poster: Monogamy Fickleness Sells
Apparently this poster takes place on top of the Knocked Up poster. Which is actually a surprisingly popular location. Nothing sells them tickets like the sensation you're staring into the glowing light of a nauseating green afterlife.
Oct 28 2009 Adam Sandler Takes on Wacky Double Role!!!
It's official: Adam Sandler is the heir presumptive to the Eddie Murphy throne. Variety is reporting Sandler's next project will be the romantic comedy Jack and Jill, in which the actor will be playing--oof, you guessed it--both Jack AND Jill:
The actor will next star in the romantic comedy "Jack and Jill" and produce via his Happy Madison shingle. Sandler will play Jack as well as twin sister Jill.Project was brought to Happy Madison by Todd Garner ("Paul Blart: Mall Cop"), who will also produce alongside Sandler's partner Jack Giarraputo. Steve Koren, whose relationship with Sandler dates back to their "Saturday Night Live" days, penned the screenplay.
This must come as a huge blow to Martin Lawrence, who has been paying his dues in a fat woman suit in the hopes of becoming neo-Murphy. Sorry, Martin, but you're going to need more absurdist family comedy (some Clicks and Bedtime Stories to match Murphy's Imagine Thats and Pluto Nashes) if you want to usurp Sandler for the lead in the Meet Dave remake someone will be doing in another ten years.
Oct 16 2009 'Serious Moonlight' Trailer: More Middle-Aged Marriage Rekindling!
You may have seen Meg Ryan find love by way of radio show, AOL emails, Einstein, and probably hundreds of other ways, but there's one method of Ryanlove still unexplored: Meg Ryan finds love by way of Stockholm Syndrome. Until now! From director Larry David's Fictional Wife, it's Serious Moonlight:
Continue Reading " 'Serious Moonlight' Trailer: More Middle-Aged Marriage Rekindling! "
Oct 16 2009 New Diane Keaton/Jack Nicholson Movie Confuses Me
I don't get it. Why are Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson being played by Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin? Nancy Meyers is getting so post-modern.
'It's Complicated' Poster [IMPA]
Oct 14 2009 'Dear John' Poster: Where Is Judd Hirsch?
Possible inspirations for this poster:
- Herpes medication commercial imagery
- '70s teen romance novel covers
- The ancient myth of the Two-Headed Asshole From High School
- A Getty Image search for "romance"
- True (clichéd) love
- Whatever would be most likely to get your fucking boring girlfriend excited
'Dear John' Poster [IMPA]
Oct 13 2009 Pun Deemed Best Title for Cruise/Diaz Movie
The Tom Cruise/Cameron Diaz romantic-comedy-action film once titled Wichita, née Trouble Man, has a new title. Variety reports 20th Century Fox has decided that Knight & Day is an even better title than either of those previous, completely unrelated titles.
I'm just going to go out on a limb here and guess that the lead characters' names are something like Tom Knight and Cameron Day, and that they're also comically opposite in personality? Is that close? Did I just write a movie? I think I did.
Sep 24 2009 'Did You Hear About the Morgans?' Trailer: They're City People in the Country!!!
As you may have learned from Yin-Yang tie dye shirts and trite movies about the universe maintaining a delicate balance between light and dark, the universe must maintain a delicate balance between light and dark. For every good, there is an evil, etc.
You probably knew that, but did you realize the same principle applies to clichéd fish-out-of-water comedies? There must always be equilibrium between outsiders coming to the big city and city folk stuck in the country. For every Crocodile Dundee, we need a Crocodile Dundee II; for every Tim Allen in Jungle 2 Jungle, a Tim Allen in For Richer or Poorer; for every Elf, a Renee Zellweger is: New in Town.
What I'm getting at is that we should be expecting a new naive bumpkin-in-the-city comedy soon (Barbie, perhaps?), because there's this now:
Sep 22 2009 'Valentine's Day' Trailer: Another VoltRom-Com Fuses Several Romantic Comedies Into One Powerful Monster
Can you believe that, come Valentine's Day, it will have been almost exactly one year since we last saw roughly a dozen celebrities of various caliber crammed into a single romantic comedy in which every other piece of dialogue has to reiterate the title? (See He's Just Not That Into You, web-slingers.) Thankfully, that will be the exact day that a new VoltRom-Com takes the throne, appropriately titled Valentines Day. This one manages to cram in two Roberts (Julia, Emma), two Grey's Anatomi, Bradley Cooper, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine, Queen Latifah, and the two celebrities most noted for being "so fucking hot" before the arrival of Megan Fox (Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel).
The trailer feels like watching an Oscars montage reel for The Year in Romantic Comedy. Or, maybe more accurately, like simultaneously hearing the scream of every single ugly friend that ever had to listen to their extremely attractive friend complain about relationships that ever existed:
Sep 14 2009 'New Moon' Trailer: Being a Teenage Girl Torn Between Vampire and Werewolf Boyfriends is Rough
The Twilight saga continues! And now there's a vampire king or something! Which is a bit ridiculous, because it isn't Dracula. If a vampire king is named, it's obviously going to be Dracula. Who's going to run against Dracula in a vampire king election? Get with it, Stephenie Meyer.
Anyway, here's the new New Moon trailer, Twilightiacs.
Sep 10 2009 Barry Manilow Songs: The 'Love Actually'-Style Movie
Haven't you always wanted a movie to take place at the Copacabana, with a woman named Mandy? No, of course not. No one has besides Barry Manilow. And also Michael Stipe et al:
Single Cell partners Sandy Stern and Michael Stipe and Playtone partners Tom Hanks and Gary Goetzman have joined forces to develop a romantic comedy that will exploit the song catalogue of iconic singer/songwriter Barry Manilow.The project was hatched by Stern, who hooked Manilow with the idea making a character-driven romantic comedy with intersecting storylines involving Manilow fans who are all arriving in Las Vegas on a weekend where Manilow will headline Mandalay Bay, the largest venue on the Strip. His music will be heard through the movie. Manilow will also perform a song or two in the film.
Telling a romantic tale amidst Manilow's songs sounds easy; what I'd rather see is the tale of why someone would willing convert their head into a more-plastic Rod Stewart. Can we get Mickey Rourke on that?
Manilow's Movie Move [Variety]
Sep 9 2009 'In the Air' Teaser: Live Like a Well-Dressed Hobo
Hey, it's the first trailer for Jason Reitman's In the Air. The teaser is built around a motivational speech by George Clooney's character, who endorses a traveling lifestyle free of the burden of material possessions and personal relationships. His viewpoint really rang true for me, since I can't afford owning things, and I'm too obnoxious to have friends. But does it still count as following his philosophy if, instead of flying place to place, I just kind of shuffle around muttering?
Continue Reading " 'In the Air' Teaser: Live Like a Well-Dressed Hobo "
Aug 28 2009 Robin Williams Starring in--God, That's the Title?
Wedding Banned! Since License to Wed, Robin Williams is our go-to guy for wedding conflict comedy:
In the comedy [titled Wedding Banned], Williams will play one-half of a long-divorced couple who kidnap their daughter on her wedding day in order to keep her from making a mistake. The divorced parents rekindle their relationship as they elude cops and the angry groom.
I'm just concerned I'll forget how witty the title is and accidentally type "Wedding Band" into Fandango, costing me precious moments in scoring those sweet 12:01 AM Wedding Banned tickets.
Robin Williams in Disney's 'Wedding' [Variety]
Aug 19 2009 'When in Rome' Trailer: 'Sex and the City' with Fewer Ladies, More Supernatural
What happens when you mix the torturous I'm-a-Manhattan-lady-looking-for-love voice-over of Sex and the City; advertisements for the music of Jason Mraz, The Academy Is, and a group that chose to name themselves 3OH!3; the unfortunate, image-tarnishing presence of Will Arnett; chromakey that somehow looks far, far worse than your local weatherman standing in front of the StormTracker screen; and magic? Let me show you:
Continue Reading " 'When in Rome' Trailer: 'Sex and the City' with Fewer Ladies, More Supernatural "
Jul 15 2009 Bridget Jones Still Keeping Up with Her Journal of Sorts
Hasn't Bridget Jones figured out which British romantic comedy star she wants to marry by now? When I caught the last ten minutes of the second Bridget Jones on TBS last week, it really seemed like she was ending up with Colin Firth, but I guess there are still some things to work out because Variety says Renee Zellweger is plumping up to make the series a trilogy:
The untitled third "Bridget Jones" pic, which is still in its early stages and probably won't go into production until the end of next year, will see Zellweger reprise her role as a British publishing exec struggling to find love.It will likely be based on the weekly columns author Helen Fielding wrote in 2005 for British newspaper the Independent in which Bridget, now in her 40s, attempts to have a baby before it's too late.
Ooooh, so she's with Colin Firth but now she needs to get him to fill her with baby before she's incapable? OK. So the movie is just about a couple middle-aged people having unprotected sex. Doesn't sound like that solid of an idea up front, but I suppose if it devolves into a Look Who's Talking with Hugh Grant as the voice of the baby, we could have a hit on our hands.
Jun 25 2009 'Spread' Trailer: The Longest Ashton Kutcher Commercial Yet
You know those Nikon commercials where we follow Ashton Kutcher, playing himself, as he parades around in a scarf, enjoying his decadent, model-rich life of asshole hedonism? Here's that as a movie, now with even more unnecessary accessories! (Includes Kutchearrings and Kutchspenders!):
Continue Reading " 'Spread' Trailer: The Longest Ashton Kutcher Commercial Yet "
Jun 15 2009 Sci-Fi for Fools: 'The Time Traveler's Wife' Trailer
Have we learned nothing from the Keanu Reeves/Sandra Bullock romance The Lake House? Time travel and love never works out! But that's not going to stop Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana from trying in: The Time Traveler's Wife! Bana plays the oft-dissolving time traveler, who apparently time travels about willy-nilly, randomly reappearing at various times to date and eventually marry his titlular bride. It's really romantic if you disregard corny dialogue and obvious paradoxes.
Don't trust this type, ladies. You know these smooth, time traveling dogs have time traveler's wives all across their given timelines:
Continue Reading " Sci-Fi for Fools: 'The Time Traveler's Wife' Trailer "
Jun 11 2009 Ashton Kutcher's 'Spread' Poster/Newport Ad
It's always good when a poster makes you want to hold someone's head in a microwave and, to horror of the model-esque guests of the digital camera party, watch their arrogant sneer literally melt off their face.
