Nov 4 2009 'Machete' Shuffles One Step Closer to Reality
With Robert Rodriguez every week claiming he's working on a new project (where are Sin City 2, Barbarella, and The Jetsons, Rob?) it's hard to take any film he says he'll do too seriously until there's hard evidence. Well, here's a little. Machete takes one dainty step towards actualization this week with the first character poster premiering at the American Film Market. I'll remain skeptical of its existence until I end up accidentally seeing it on a plane (even if I see it in a theater, only that later plane viewing will convince me of its existence). After all, the film will reportedly also star Robert De Niro, Lindsay Lohan, and Steven Seagal, which sounds like such an incredibly unlikely, fake cast that it basically negates the reality any posters of Jessica Alba in Linda-Hamilton-in-Terminator mode.
Sep 25 2009 More Screams and Spy Children En Route
I've always said, give David Arquette enough time, he'll eventually find a reason to get himself out of bed. And this spring, looks like he'll have one: Bob Weinstein has revealed that, to fight waning elongated-white-mask sales, Dimension Films will begin production on Scream 4 in April or May. Series regulars Wes Craven, Neve Campbell, David Arquette, and Courtney Cox are all not doing that much besides being in Cougar Town/watching Cougar Town, and are expected to return to kick off a new rapidly-declining trilogy.
Weinstein also announced Robert Rodriguez is working on a new Spy Kids movie to be shot in 3-D, thus rendering Spy Kids 3-D not that special anymore. Additionally, the studio hopes to have a Halloween 3-D ready by next year's holiday that the film is most appropriate for, and Weinstein confirmed plans for remakes of Children of the Corn, Short Circuit, and American Werewolf in London and 3-D sequels to Hellraiser and Scanners.
Sounds like if you're the kind of person who wants to put on annoying glasses and watch a piece-of-shit remake/sequel, Dimension is the studio looking out for you.
Apr 24 2009 Predator Getting Remade, Pluralized
At a news conference yesterday, Robert Rodriguez confirmed rumors he's going to relaunch the Predator series, but judging by the film's new title, sounds like there's going to be a slight change:
Director Robert Rodriguez has taken on the 20th Century Fox PREDATOR franchise and creating a newly rebooted "PREDATORS."We've heard the rumblings that this was coming via B-D, but now it's been confirmed. IESB has also confirmed it will be Rodriguez' own take on the original concept and he is in fact not only producing the reboot, he's also directing it.
Rodriguez talked to the audience of press members and revealed his upcoming film slate.
"I'm going to be able to shoot my upcoming Machete here, a sci-fi action film called Nervewrackers, a re-boot of the Predator series called Predators, and a couple of smaller movies called Sin City 2 and The Jetsons."
Wait a minute--did he just say Predators? As in more than one Predator!? What a sly change. Great work, Double R. Get to work on that after you finish all the other movies you probably aren't ever going to start. And make sure Rose McGowan plays the majority of the Predators.
UPDATE: Oh, and it will be out July 7 next year.
Jan 28 2009 'Machete' Getting Less and Less Fake
Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's Grindhouse collaboration's tragic underperformance at the box office might not have killed the chances of one of the film's fake trailers becoming reality. Bloody Disgusting has posted that the Weinstein Company still has plans to shoot Machete, Rodriguez's Mexsploitation trailer about a knife-toting ex-Federale's revenge on his former boss, as early as this year:
Although we can't confirm the news, it is nice to hear rumblings around town. We're being told that Weinstein Co. has serious plans on shooting Robert Rodriguez's highly anticipated Machete later this year. Starring Danny Trejo, Machete was introduced to us as a faux trailer in Dimension Films' GRINDHOUSE, which bombed at the box office back in April of '07. In the trailer it was revealed that after being betrayed by the organization who hired him, an ex-Federale (Trejo) launches a brutal rampage of revenge against his former boss. No word on if this would go theatrical or direct-to-DVD.
I don't know about this one. I kind of feel like I already saw all the good parts of Machete in the trailer. Personally, I'd rather see Edgar Wright's Don't, which teased with basically some startled reactions and random violence. Instead of seeing the full story of Machete, let's find out why a bespectacled Nick Frost is applauding in a diaper.
Jul 25 2008 'Red Sonja' Looks a Lot Like 'Brenda Starr: Barbarian'
From Comic Con, we get our first look at Red Sonja, and what it would look like if Dungeons & Dragons ever merged with Glamor Shots. One more under the cut.
Continue Reading " 'Red Sonja' Looks a Lot Like 'Brenda Starr: Barbarian' "
Jun 27 2008 Robert Rodriguez Producing 'Red Sonja', Guess Who's Playing Her!
Robert Rodriguez has announced plans to produce a Red Sonja film slated for 2010, and surprise, for once he isn't trying to inappropriately cast his girlfriend, Rose McGowan, in the lead role. No, I'm kidding; he's obviously inappropriately casting his girlfriend in the lead role. From USA Today:
The Grindhouse co-director will produce a new big-screen adventure featuring the flame-haired comic-book vixen. While Brigitte Nielsen wielded Sonja's sword in the poorly received 1985 version, Rodriguez's Planet Terror zombie slayer and real-life leading lady, Rose McGowan, will wiggle into the metal mesh bikini in the 2010 release.
Jeez. She will be a horrible Red Sonja. How are they possibly going to rationalize this? With false modesty and claims of an inner commonality to the character? Yes.
Continue Reading " Robert Rodriguez Producing 'Red Sonja', Guess Who's Playing Her! "
May 28 2008 Robert Rodriguez Can't Do Anything Without His GF
Did you know that Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan are, like, totally in love? Well, they are, and Rodriguez wants you to know that besides being the best girlfriend in the world, she's also a tremendous actress worthy of more screen time than just Charmed reruns. So in addition to casting her in Planet Terror and a planned remake of Barbarella, the cowboy-hatted director is apparently shopping around a violent women's prison TV drama starring, you guessed it, his obnoxious goth girlfriend:
Director Robert Rodriguez is shopping around "Women in Chains!" a violent drama set at a woman's prison starring his fiancee, Rose McGowan.The spec script, penned by Josh Miller and Mark Fortin, has been sent to a number of networks, including NBC and FX.
I'm beginning to think Rodriguez and Tim Burton have contest going to see who can make the largest film library that will incite weeping when watched in a few years, after the inevitable breakups. If so, they're both doing a tremendous job.
Oct 18 2007 Rodriguez Being Seriously Uncool About Barbarella Casting
Universal has supposedly dropped backing of Robert Rodriguez's Babarella remake after the director refused to cast anyone but girlfriend Rose McGowan in the lead. And I, for one, totally know where Universal is coming from.
Sometimes you gotta just be like, dude, you cannot bring your girlfriend this time. It's like this one time my bud J-Dog was coming to see Old School with me, and he totally showed up with his girlfriend, who was like this heinous bitch. I had to be like, no way, J-Dog, Old School is our movie, and I don't even mean in a gay way. It's just we seriously identified with the characters and jokes, and this was before the next Will Ferrell movie we identified with. I only bring that up because the point wasn't that she was such a bitch (which she was), it's just that you can't bring your girlfriend everywhere, bro. He was so P-whipped, which I told him right then through little mimed whip cracks. Whatever, man. Whatever.
Barbar-hella! Robert Rodriguez Is Fonda of Rose McGowan in Queen of the Galaxy Role, But Universal Winces (that's seriously the title) [NY Observer]
May 22 2007 Rodriguez Directing Barbarella, Me Masturbating to Barbarella
Yeah, I'll masturbate to that.
In two strangely related stories, Variety reports that Robert Rodriguez will be directing Universal's remake of the sci-fi kitsch classic, Barbarella, while at the same time I've announced, largely through a prior record of doing so, that I'll be masturbating to the sci-fi kitsch classic, Barbarella. Rodriguez said:
I love this iconic character and all that she represents, and I'm truly excited by the challenge of inviting a new audience into her universe.
I said:
I'm going to be in my room for a couple hours, intermittently masturbating to Barbarella.
After playing with camp elements in this year's Planet Terror, it remains unclear if Rodriguez will try for a similar aesthetic using the B-movie feel of the original or if this will be a more dramatic take on the material, but one thing is certain: I'll be masturbating to Barbarella.
May 9 2007 Rodriguez Deciding Between Future and Past
Sleestaks from the horrific drug-induced nightmare of Sid and Marty Krofft's Land of the Lost.
Despite poor numbers from Grindhouse, The Hollywood Reporter claims Robert Rodriguez is still in high demand, with the director currently deciding between two future projects (in addition to Sin City 2): a live-action remake of The Jetsons or a Will Ferrell remake of Sid and Marty Krofft's Land of the Lost. Strangely, no one is mentioning releasing both titles as a sequel to Grindhouse entitled Irrelevant-anachronistic-retro-television-House. Rodriguez could turn Jetsons into an action-packed, gory thrill ride (in 3-D), while collaborator Quentin Tarantino could alternate the exciting dino-action of Land of the Lost with long, tedious conversations where the Sleestaks debate why Silver Surfer is ultimately cooler than a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
But Jesus, please don't really.
Apr 25 2007 Brits: Hold the Grindhouse, Guvna
Via /Film:
Due to the mediocre American box office take, The Weinstein Co have decided to put the film's U.K. release temporarily on hold.
Rumor has it that the new plan is to release both films individually. Unnecessary, says I. Grindhouse would work fine as a double feature if you just cut the fat. Car stunts are great, but they're less great when you have to listen to two chicks who can't act talk about them for a half hour first.
"Should we do the ship's mast?" "You wanna do the ship's mast?" "Yeah, I wanna do the ship's mast." "You ain't doin' the ship's mast, you crazy ass bitch!" "Shut up, bitch, I'm doin the ship's mast." "You really gone do the ship's mast, ain't you?" "Bitch, I told you I'm doing the ship's mast." "Well, if you gone do the ship's mast, at least... wait, no way are you doin' the ship's mast." "I wanna do the ship's mast, bitch!" "You ain't doin' the ship's mast, you crazy ass bitch!"
AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!
