Nov 12 2009 OK, I Understand the 'Monopoly' Movie Now

And it sounds terrible. Read this description by story writer Frank Beddor, and you too can enjoy the knowledge that Ridley Scott's Monopoly isn't going to be as much like Blade Runner with Monopoly as previously described. It's more like something between a Parker Bros. sponsored Wizard of Oz and history's goofiest Twilight Zone episode:

"I created a comedic, lovable loser who lives in Manhattan and works at a real estate company and he’s not very good at his job but he’s great at playing Monopoly. And the world record for playing is 70 straight days – over 1,600 hours – and he wanted to try to convince his friends to help him break that world record. They think he is crazy. They kid him about this girl and they're playing the game and there’s this big fight. And he’s holding a Chance card and after they’ve left he says, ‘Damn, I wanted to use that Chance card,’ and he throws it down. He falls asleep and then he wakes up in the morning and he’s holding the Chance card, and he thinks, ‘That’s odd.’"

Can you see where this is going? Let's continue then...

Continue Reading " OK, I Understand the 'Monopoly' Movie Now "

Oct 29 2009 'Alien' Prequel To Take Place Prior To 'Alien'

Big news about Ridley Scott's Alien prequel. It's going to take place before the original! Specifically, about thirty years prior:

“It’s a brand new box of tricks,” said Sir Ridley. “We know what the road map is, and the screenplay is now being put on paper. The prequel will be a while ago. It’s very difficult to put a year on Alien, but [for example] if Alien was towards the end of this century, then the prequel story will take place thirty years prior.”

I just hope this doesn't turn into something like The Wedding Singer, where it's just a string of jokes about how funny the fashion of the 2970s were.

Ridley Scott Talks Alien Prequel [Empire]

Oct 15 2009 'Red Riding' Being Remade, Just in Time

Red Riding, a British adaptation of David Peace's Red Riding Quartet, aired on Channel 4 as a three-part miniseries in March. That was like seven months ago, though--that shit is old!--and, even more offensive, it stars Britons! Yuck! Who wants to see them!? Their voices are slightly different than mine!

Luckily, Columbia Pictures understands the need for recent British works to be immediately, senselessly remade with marketable American stars I'll recognize, so they're doing just that:

Columbia Pictures has acquired rights to remake the U.K. miniseries "Red Riding," and is negotiating with Steve Zaillian to write the script and Ridley Scott to direct.

The miniseries is a study of power and police corruption framed around the investigation of the disappearance of several young girls. For the pic, the setting will be transferred from Britain to the U.S. The mini clocked in at more than five hours, so Zaillian and Scott have their work cut out for them to compress it into one film.

Hey, that sounds like it would be a pretty good movie if it were to take place in locations I can more easily locate on a map! But, ugh, Ridley Scott is directing? I'm not sure he's quite right for the project. He just seems so... you know. Can't we get a Bay in here for this? Each frame of his films are like American flags waving their explosions with national pride.

Jul 31 2009 Ridley Scott on 'Alien' Prequel: "Alright, Guys, I'm In!"

Ridley Scott, who parted from the continually-declining Alien franchise after his first installment, is officially returning to direct that prequel people have been talking about. Says Variety:

Twentieth Century Fox is resuscitating its "Alien" franchise. The studio has hired Jon Spaihts to write a prequel that has Ridley Scott attached to return as director.

Spaihts got the job after pitching the studio and Scott Free, which will produce the film.

The film is set up to be a prequel to the groundbreaking 1979 film that Scott directed. It will precede that film, in which the crew of a commercial towing ship returning to Earth is awakened and sent to respond to a distress signal from a nearby planetoid. The crew discovers too late that the signal generated by an empty ship was meant to warn them.

Of course, this assumes he'll still have a career after Monopoly: The Movie. Because Ridley Scott is making a Monopoly movie, and you'd think that would be enough of an indicator of dementia people would stop letting him use film cameras.

Apr 28 2009 Let's Find Out How Those 'Alien' Guys Got Started

What came first, the Alien or the face-hugger egg? What was the Alien Queen like as a teenager? How do those guys build such complex, Swedish surrealist interiors to their cave homes? Answers may be on the way. From IESB:

[Fox co-chairman] Rothman said of the possible [Alien prequel] film, "There's been some talk. Ridley Scott, Ridley is right now working on Robin Hood, but I think he's toying with the idea and that would be great for us. I mean, it's always been a matter of, really, if you can get the originator to do it that would be the greatest thing, so I've got my fingers crossed, all of them."

My prediction: Alien Zero (the zero is represented by an alien egg), starring Christian Bale. It ends with Bale and his pregnant wife narrowly escaping from planet LV-426 in a small shuttle pod, the two vowing to never again speak of all those crazy aliens they just fought. Suddenly, the wife grabs at her stomach. An alien spawn? No--it's the standard baby. It's time. Bale smiles.

"We'll name her Sigourney Weaver."

Apr 22 2009 'Ridley Scott Making Monopoly Movie' Not the Made-Up Part

From The Onion Radio News:

Funny, but also raises a good question: will the pieces be characters in the Monopoly movie? It would be ridiculous, but no more ridiculous than a Monopoly movie already is, and a tuxedo-wearing Ian Holm complaining about medical bills is probably only enough meat for half a film.

Apr 20 2009 Here's Russell Crowe as 'Robin Hood'

Oh, good, he has the exact haircut and beard of Gladiator Man. Now I can watch the two films back to back and pretend it's all one long, nonsensical narrative. Dreams are coming true.

First look: New Robin Hood on point with 'Gladiator' [USA Today]

Feb 18 2009 A Couple On-the-Nose Title Changes

If you've been confused about some upcoming movies because their concepts weren't completely spelled out in their titles, I've got some helpful, clarifying news for you. Nottingham, Ridley Scott's cryptically-titled Robin Hood tale, has been re-titled Robin Hood. Not as easy-to-understand as my title choice, The One About Robin Hood, but probably catchier.

Also, it appears Ricky Gervais's comedy about the invention of lying, previously titled This Side of the Truth, appears to have been renamed Invention of Lying and pushed back to an undetermined date in 2010. Hardly a death knell, but hardly a mitzvah.

(Thanks, Kevin.)

Jan 28 2009 'A-Team' Acquires New Teammate

For reasons unclear, it looks like the A-Team is still driving its racing-striped van into theaters. THR is reporting that Smokin' Aces' Joe Carnahan is in talks to direct the Ridley and Tony Scott-produced adaptation:

Joe Carnahan is in negotiations to helm the action movie with Ridley and Tony Scott's shingle Scott Free coming on board as producers. Stephen J. Cannell, who co-created the show, is also producing.

The trek to bring "A-Team" to the big screen has been a long one, with various actors, directors and writers landing on it before springing off of it. John Singleton was last attached, but ultimately left after casting issues stalled the project.

Fox is betting this is the right combination, setting a June 11, 2010, release date for the feature, which is written by Skip Woods.

I expect to hear the cast announcements soon; otherwise it means Joe Carnahan will have to deal with daily calls from Mr. T for that much longer.

Dec 8 2008 Scott, Weaver working on Aliens Movie Sans Alien?

Sigourney Weaver has been doing some chatting with MTV, during which it was revealed she's talked with Ridley Scott about the two returning to the Alien franchise. If I had to name one thing that seemed odd about their conversation about another Alien, I'd say it's that they might be eliminating the whole alien thing:

"We’d have to go back to the drawing board on [the alien],” she said. “Ridley said that right away when we first talked about [a fifth film].”

And finally, the quote that’s gotten me mighty curious, “What we’re interested in is taking the character of Ripley and seeing what other science fiction story we can tell about someone who has lived several lives.”

I didn’t really process what Weaver was saying at the time I suppose but it sounds to me like we might be less looking at “Alien 5″ and more of “Chronicles of Ripley.”

The participation of original Alien director Ridley Scott makes this better than most spin-off cash-in attempts, but let's not forget that Steven Spielberg was also involved in a questionable attempt at bringing back a action hero now in their 60s back to screens, and that didn't work out that well.

Personally, I'd rather have a spin-off starring that horrible, pale human/alien hybrid from Resurrection. That thing filled my mental inbox with nightmares that I'm still sorting through. You put that guy in a suburban neighborhood with a samurai sword and you've just created a six-movie franchise. I think it works for either horror or comedy.

Nov 13 2008 'Nottingham' Double-Role Controversy Clarified. PHEW!

Speaking to Digital Spy, Ridley Scott has clarified the duel-role/split-personality controversy regarding Russell Crowe's part in Nottingham. Sort of:

"In the context of the story he starts off as one thing, becomes the guise of another and then has to retire to the forest to resume his name Robin," [Scott] explained. "So he was momentarily the Sheriff of Nottingham."

In an interview, Ron Howard added:

As an aside, he also mentioned that Ridley Scott's Nottingham will probably be seen like the "Gladiator version of Robin Hood," referring to Scott's Oscar-winning epic, "an origin story."

So Robin tries to work within the system as a pseudo-sheriff, then goes loose cannon and becomes classic thief Robin Hood? That could work. Let's hope there's a scene where the Commissioner of Nottingham demands Robin Hood's badge and bow. So dramatic whenever that happens.

Nov 12 2008 Deed Runner: Monopoly Movie Update

Despite all logic, the rumor that Ridley Scott would be directing a Monopoly movie has been confirmed by the Hollywood Reporter:

The feature project has brought on Pamela Pettler to write the screenplay; She penned Tim Burton's "Corpse Bride," Gil Kenan's "Monster House" and the upcoming animated adventure "9," produced by Burton and Timur Bekmambetov.

And Ridley Scott, who has been attached as a producer on "Monopoly" and has been mentioned as a possible director, is now officially attached to helm the project, with an eye toward giving it a futuristic sheen along the lines of his iconic "Blade Runner."

Something along the lines of Blade Runner. Yeah, that's fine. That works. Rich Uncle Pennybags flies around in a thimble buying up all the property in gritty Neo-Chinatown, and every time Edward James Olmos pays to stay at the hotel there, the booming synth of Vangelis reminds him that $1250 is a bit hefty for one night.

Hollywood, collectively, needs to start carrying around a tape recorder and listening back to what they're saying.

Oct 14 2008 Ridley Scott Back to Making Best Sci-Fi Movies

Ridley Scott, director of Blade Runner and Alien, two of the greatest sci-fi movies ever made (non-debatable fact), is finally returning to the science fiction genre? Yes, please:

Fox 2000 has acquired rights to Joe Haldeman’s 1974 novel "The Forever War," and Ridley Scott is planning to make it into his first science fiction film since he delivered back-to-back classics with "Blade Runner" and "Alien."

"I first pursued ‘Forever War’ 25 years ago, and the book has only grown more timely and relevant since," Scott told Daily Variety. "It’s a science-fiction epic, a bit of ‘The Odyssey’ by way of ‘Blade Runner,’ built upon a brilliant, disorienting premise."

Book revolves around a soldier who battles an enemy in deep space for only a few months, only to return home to a planet he doesn’t recognize some 20 years later, Scott said.

I'm so glad he listened to the people wanting more sci-fi instead of the people begging for "something else where two best friend ladies drive off a cliff, or G.I. Jane 2."

Ridley Scott takes on 'Foreve War' [Variety]

Sep 30 2008 Russell Crow May or May Not Be Playing Multiple Roles in 'Nottingham'

Does anyone have any idea what's going on with Russell Crowe and Nottingham? MTV is saying Crowe, in a patently Eddie Murphy move, is playing both the role of the Sheriff and Robin Hood in the Ridley Scott film; CHUD agrees with that, but adds they totally broke the story, and that the two characters might be the same person (CRAZY); but then Murph's Place, which is apparently a popular, semi-official Russell Crowe site run by someone named Murph, says Crowe has told Murph, "I won't be playing two roles in Nottingham. If I ever were to do that I'd pick roles that were more diverse, say Tuck and Marion." Who to believe!? And if Crowe is playing both roles, which one will be the fat suit one and which one will be the one with the funny facial hair and goofy accent?

Aug 29 2008 'Body of Lies' Poster, Where Leo DiCaprio Becomes Ben Affleck

Same guy. No question:

Did DiCaprio eat Affleck's soul or is he being haunted by the ghost of Affleck's goatee. Either way, he's fucked.

Brand-New Poster for Ridley Scott's 'Body of Lies'! [Cinematical]

Jul 17 2008 'Body of Lies' Trailer is Made of Oscar Nominations

Here's the trailer to Body of Lies, a Ridley Scott political thriller starring Russell Crowe and Leonardo DiCaprio. In other words, the narration might as well say, "to be nominated for at least six Academy Awards for sure, even though Crowe is sort of playing this like a dramatic Skipper from Gilligan's Island."

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Apr 17 2008 Ridley Scott, Casey Affleck Join 'Kind One'

Casey, the increasingly more-respected Affleck brother, has signed on to star in Ridley Scott's The Kind One. Based on a Tom Epperson novel and screenplay, the story is set in 1930s L.A., and "centers on an amnesiac who finds himself working for a mobster -- a killer given the nickname "the Kind One" -- and falling in love with the thug's girlfriend."

If you're not familiar with mob culture, this is one of the worst things you can do. Because the thing is, even if this mobster is nicknamed "the Kind One", he might not actually be kind. You'll find more often than not that these thug types have names opposite to their actual traits. Someone named Tiny may actually be quite large; No Pants may always wear pants. It's strange but true. Just a little mob nickname lesson for you.

WB taps Ridley Scott for 'Kind One' [Variety]

Feb 27 2008 Reagan/Gorbachev Reykjavik Summit Will Make Riveting Film

As times goes on--possibly as a sign of impending dementia--Ridley Scott has been taking on projects that seem increasingly likely to be incredibly boring. The director, known for directing two of the best sci-fi films ever made (Alien and Blade Runner), announced last year that he was interested in developing a Monopoly movie, and now the director is adding the inherently exciting 1986 Reykjavik Reagan/Gorbachev summit to his list:

Scott, who has not made a final decision on whether he will direct, said he wants to be as impartial as possible in the movie. "If you do a dramatic version of an event, you have to get as close as possible to the truth. You need to make intelligent judgment call to get under the veneer of perception. It's like dramatized journalism," he said.

Though I clearly have my doubts, Alex P. Keaton insists it will be f***ing great.

Scott Free shines light on Reykjavik [Hollywood Reporter]

Feb 20 2008 Universal, Hasbro Announce Bad Idea Partnership

Universal Pictures and Hasbro have announced a six-year partnership that will produce at least four films based on the following games: Monopoly, Candy Land, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering, and Stretch Armstrong. Aside from Ridely Scott's inexplicable involvement in the Monopoly project, very little is known about how the properties would be developed into feature films. So how about I pitch some ideas?

Ouija - A group of gullible teenagers attribute a string of recent murders to a ghost, only to find out it was just their asshole friend doing it. (Note: This should be made in Asia first, then remade here.)

Clue - A wealthy mansion-owner invites a group of similarly affluent guests over to watch Clue.

Battleship - A hotshot naval commander attempts a daring new formation of lining up his fleet in a row along the border. This fails, but the young leader still finds victory after the enemy can't find his f***ing destroyer.

Monopoly - A light-hearted gathering erupts in argument; the film ends abruptly.

Stretch Armstrong - This movie (and toy) should never be made, but will star Jim Carrey and a lot of low-budget CGI.

Candy Land - A band of outcast teenagers find themselves in a colorful, candy-coated world where their movements are dictated by color. It turns out they're just really, really high.

Magic: The Gathering - An exciting battle between a powerful orc shaman and a dwarf paladin suddenly becomes dull when someone realizes it's a card game.

Any other/better ideas? It seems like the Magic movie should work in woeful virginity, but I'm not sure how.

Universal rolls dice with Hasbro [Variety]

Dec 11 2007 First Look at Adult Leo in 'Body of Lies'

I have high hopes for Ridley Scott's newest, Body of Lies. Based on David Ignatius's novel, and scripted by The Departed writer William Monahan, the film stars Leonardo DiCaprio as Roger Ferris, a former Iraq War journalist employed by the CIA to hunt down an Al Qaeda leader. In this first image, we're given the assurance that Leo has definitely thrown away the boyish image of his past. If The Departed was his Bar Mitzvah, this is whatever Jewish thing would come after that.

How can you tell?

Disconnected facial hair - Leo not only has a moderately pronounced beard, but a beard that is completely removed from the headhair, utterly devoid of sideburn. It is a newborn child composed of wiry hair, too powerful to continue living off the cheek's umbilical cord to the brain. This beard has its own thoughts and dreams. It would clearly never grow on a baby face.

Slicked-back hair - Nothing says "like Shia LaBeouf, or Dracula, I am now a full-fledged adult" like a thick wave of slicked-back hair. Bangs are for pussies.

A suit - Come on, would you dress a boy in a full suit? Only at his own funeral.

Furrowed brow - With age comes the weight of the world, and you can see it in Leo's forehead. "If only I could laugh again," says the brow, "but there's no way, with all this paperwork and background Americana."

Welcome to manhood, Leo!

First Look: Ridley Scott's Body of Lies [/Film]