Nov 10 2009 If 'The Matrix' Were a Charlie Chaplin Film, and Russian
I assure you it's way better The Matrix, Again Chockablocked! (1929) and Putsches Within the Matrix! (1931).
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Nov 3 2009 Singin' in the Rain Special Edition: The Way George Lucas Originally Intended for Gene Kelly to Intend
You'd think Lucas could get James Earl Jones or anyone else for voice-over instead of this guy. But personally, I'm more upset Debbie Reynolds no longer sings the Yub Nub song at the end.
Oct 26 2009 Fuse 'Paranormal Activity' and 'Saw' and You Get...
Paranormal Saw, obviously. Important viewing if for no other reason than the startling revelation that the Jigsaw puppet really does look like John Lithgow in makeup.
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Oct 19 2009 Pixar Intro Gets Real
Almost too real. You can't un-imagine Luxo, Jr. being sodomized.
Oct 19 2009 'Scary Movie 5'? No, Even Better...
Two things that have always bothered me about the Scary Movie franchise:
1) Why aren't there more of them?
2) Why is there so much consistency and continuity in the series?
Those issues will plague me no longer: CinemaBlend has heard from trusted sources that the Weinstein Company is planning to REBOOT the Scary Movie franchise. That's right, rather than do Scary Movie 5, the Weinsteins have decided to go for Scary Movie 1... Again. Sixth Sense references off limits since the first film are back on the table! Saw 3 can be parodied again! (Saws 4-6 are obviously much more difficult to spoof.) Anna Faris's character's (did they ever bother to give her a name?) absence of any sort of character arc can be replaced by another character's complete absence of character arc! This idea is so good, I dare pay it the high compliment of calling it "Wayans-esque."
Oct 9 2009 'Black Dynamite' Trailer: Finally, A Shaft That Knows Kung Fu
Black Dyamite comes out next weekend, so time for a final trailer. If you like '70s blaxploitation films, parodies of '70s blaxploitation, or seeing Arsenio Hall doing something other than hosting World's Funniest Moments--the premier series for documenting human history's funniest hit-in-the-balls videos, ever--this is for you:
Continue Reading " 'Black Dynamite' Trailer: Finally, A Shaft That Knows Kung Fu "
Sep 23 2009 'Stan Helsing' Trailer: The Unofficial, Straight-to-Video 'Scary Movie 5'
Here's a trailer that within moments will make you ask, "Dear god, who is making something this terrible?" and then promptly answer, "One of the guys who brought you Scary Movie [obviously]!"
As the title implies, Stan Helsing focuses on a terrible parody of Van Helsing (played by someone who appears to be Mark McGrath dressed as Axl Rose) fighting terrible parodies of Freddy, Jason, Pinhead, Chucky, Michael Myers, and Leatherface (Fweddy, Mason, Needlehead, Lucky, Michael Criers and Pleatherface--seriously). And since one clearly needs assistance for such a daunting, sure-to-be-hilarious task, he brings along two babes and Kenan Thompson in a Superman suit.
It looks even worse than that sounds. As in it begins with a joke about how, with enough forced grunting, pumping and spraying a Super Soaker is reminiscent of masturbating and ejaculating:
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Sep 15 2009 Old Fashioney 'Raiders of the Lost Ark', 'Forrest Gump'
The man who brought us the brilliant, well-crafted trailer for Ghostbusters (if it were made in 1954) has at last satisfied our collective desire for more trailers for modern movies as if they were made way back when. This time we've got Raiders of the Lost Ark starring Charlton Heston and Forrest Gump with Jimmy Stewart.
As a warning, I think the trailer for Raiders of the Lost Ark (1951) includes spoilers if you haven't seen the 1951 version of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
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Aug 14 2009 David Mamet's Effin' 'Anne Frank' Script
Seems I wasn't the only one with the really brilliant (obvious) idea of doing Anne Frank-themed parodies of famous David Mamet quotes after the announcement the writer/director would be adapting The Diary of Anne Frank into a new feature film. Get Your War On's David Rees has taken the notion one step further and written out four most-likely-accurate script pages. Pretty funny if you're familiar with Mamet; otherwise you'll probably have some questions about why the Nazi Commander has a stack of index cards with Jew leads.
May 14 2009 Original Star Trek Given Extraneous Illumination Overhaul
I hope no one here was planning on making old Star Trek look like new Star Trek, because someone has put up a YouTube video called "i made old star trek look like new star trek," and they've pretty successfully done just that. The secret? Lens flares:
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Jan 15 2009 'Checkmates' Trailer: Chess Meets Checkers Meets Stepping Up
My friend Todd just sent over this video he shot with UCB Comedy. What happens when a guy from the world of street checkers steps up 2 a girl from the world of chess? Their white hot romance that no one approves of creates a checkers/chess fusion that no one approves of, obviously:
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Dec 22 2008 'Thundercats' Trailer Made From Old Clips and Computers
I saw this all over the place today, so it's about time I post it behind everyone else. Here's an insanely elaborate fan-made trailer for a Thundercats movie that casts Brad Pitt, Vin Diesel, Hugh Jackman, girl from Farscape, Spy Kids, and CGI Garfield in the lead roles:
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Nov 26 2008 Good Thing 'Shawshank Redemption' Wasn't from 1983
If The Shawshank Redemption was made in 1983, how would the last 20 minutes look? Like this exciting montage, probably, except Jeff Goldblum would have played Andy:
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Nov 14 2008 'Dance Flick' Trailer Contains This Ungodly Image:
Alright, Wayans, I'll give you this much: you've beaten the parody team of Friedberg and Seltzer. Your decision to include a few jokes, rather than just wadding together a series of references held together only by the glue of random violence, paid off. Congratulations. Unfortunately, the "jokes" include a breakdancing baby, a man spinning on his head so fast that he drills through the floor, and domestic abuse. Calling those jokes is like calling crying "laughing" because it involves noisy convulsing. Really stretching the definition, guys.
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Nov 11 2008 'Not Another Not Another Movie': A Nightmarish Parody of Parody Movies
Inside Hollywood's womb, something is growing so grotesquely inbred that I have no way of describing its deformed wretchedness. Luckily, the Hollywood Reporter has already laid it out (via The Hater, via Halcyon):
Chevy Chase, Burt Reynolds, Vinnie Jones, Michael Madsen and "Stuttering" John Melendez are spoofing the nonstop flood of spoof films in the upcoming indie comedy "Not Another Not Another Movie."Chase plays a studio head who quits his floundering company, leaving his ex-con sibling (Madsen) in charge. Soon their equally inept gangster friend (Jones) takes over and assigns a production assistant (David Leo Schultz) to direct a spoof of spoof movies. Reynolds plays an actor playing the director of the chaotic film within the film.
Writer-director David Murphy's "Movie" features cameos from actors playing themselves spoofing their memorable roles, including Richard Tyson (the villian in "Kindergarten Cop") and Wolfgang Bodison (the young African-American Marine on trial in "A Few Good Men").
Look, I can understand wanting to make fun of spoof movies and the people who make them. I do it all the time. I just did it yesterday. But I did not make a movie about people making a spoof movie spoofing a spoof movie that spoofs other movies. That's too many layers for society to handle. The fact that you'll (seemingly) be acknowledging that your movie within a movie is terrible does not make it nor the greater movie any less hellish. If one dog barking makes another dog bark, which then makes yet another dog bark, it doesn't matter if the third dog is actually a guy pretending to be a dog, mocking the second dog. In the end, we're still left with more endless, agonizing noise.
Nov 10 2008 'Dance Flick' Poster: Wayans Bros. Answer to 'Disaster Movie'
From MTV Movies Blog, here's a grim portent of our bleak, parody-filled future. At least we can find some solace that, unlike some other parody movie posters, at least this one mostly sticks to the movie genre it's supposedly spoofing--even if one of those "dance movies" is a decade-old internet video of a 3D dancing baby. Nothing is off limits for these guys, no matter how irrelevant. I hear Thomas Edison's 1894 film of Native Americans performing a Buffalo Dance is recreated with Amy Winehouse impersonators to great comic effect.
Aug 28 2008 How Loosely is 'Disaster Movie' Themed Around the Idea of Disaster Movies?
Loosely enough that, in Brazil, Superheroes: The Injustice League is equally if not more applicable as a title. Isn't that infuriating? Why not just go with the even more fitting title of Recently Popular People and Things?
Also noteworthy: Amy Winehouse is far less prominent in this poster than the American version. What's the deal, Brazil? Are you too good to endlessly follow the drug-addled lifestyle of a British starlet whose tale can only end in her self-inflicted demise? Are you not familiar with this gaunt, decaying friend of the American people, and how funny it would be if she, for whatever reason, had fangs and was holding the corpse of an infant? You guys have no idea what you're missing.
Aug 20 2008 Another 'Disaster Movie' Clip Alludes to Some Things
I expected the Juno simulation, the mentions of Brangelina, pregnant Spears and George Clooney, the nod to home abortion, and the random violence as phantom humor, but man, eBay? An eBay reference? Did they forget to squeeze that into Spy Hard and just now realize it? Well, if that's the standard, I hope they also remembered a joke about how everyone seems to have a cell phone these days, because has anyone else noticed that?
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Aug 18 2008 Kim Kardashian Wrestles Carmen Electra for Tragically Unfunny Arousal
Sex sells, so it's no surprise that, like Superhero Movie before it, Disaster Movie attempts to bring in viewers unaware of ways of procuring actual pornography (i.e., the internet) by promising a brief, cleavage-filled wrestling match. But what makes this clip astounding is how writer-director duo Friedberg and Seltzer are somehow able to make a cleavage-filled wrestling match so intensely frustrating. The secret? Beginning the catfight with a Wanted quote to give the illusion that humor and/or parody are involved (they aren't).
The press release promised a "hilarious new clip from DISASTER MOVIE with a sexy shout out from Carmen Electra." Was briefly referencing Twister the hilarious part? And was the aging sex symbol's half-hearted shilling really the sexy part? I have the feeling whoever writes these descriptions has given up even more than I have.
Continue Reading " Kim Kardashian Wrestles Carmen Electra for Tragically Unfunny Arousal "
Jul 3 2008 'Disaster Movie' Poster Accurately Portrays Terribleness of 'Disaster Movie'
I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that when you're dealing with a movie comprised entirely of lazy references to other movies, the poster is basically going to look like a grotesquely visual works cited page, but it seems pretty daring to present what I'd guess is every "joke" in the movie in a single image. They've just totally ruined the gag where Indiana Jones is a midget, and the gag where the Chipmunks look like nightmares, and the gag where Hellboy is... present.
Click the poster for the large version. But really, don't.
