Dec 21 2007 'Hottie and the Nottie' Trailer Ruins Christmas
Even after the horrendous poster yesterday, the trailer to The Hottie and the Nottie has somehow managed to outdo itself in detestability. If we're meant to root for the guy to get with the leper (the "nottie), shouldn't Paris Hilton (the "hottie", I suppose) be at least as obnoxious as she actually is? It's not that Golem-with-acne-and-octogenarian-thighs isn't a brilliantly crafted, nuanced character; it's just hard to find hope for her dating situation when she's flinging infected toenails around willy-nilly, all while Hilton is acting genuinely noble towards her friend's plight.
Maybe their whole point is that, with enough effects makeup and snot gags, someone could temporarily seem less appealing than Paris Hilton. But in the end, you'll always come to realize--even when she's balding and covered in sores--the tomboy from Step-by-Step is still less likely to spread her problems to your bathing suit parts.
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Dec 20 2007 'The Hottie and the Nottie' Poster Dares to Call Paris Hilton 'Hot'
As sad as it is that they had to turn the "nottie" into a lanky Garbage Pail Kid for Paris Hilton to look comparatively hot, and that Hilton is so desperate for roles that she's resorted to playing a less-caricaturized version of herself, it's even sadder to learn that the plot of this is exactly what you think it would be. A guy in love with Paris Hilton hates having to deal with her hideous best friend, but eventually learns the friend has something called personality that might make up for her deformities. At least once she gets that inevitable 11th-hour makeover.
After pondering why an ugly person's legs would age so prematurely, try to figure out exactly what point the filmmakers decided the ugly makeup was "too much." I'm guessing they got somewhere between an extra limb and full-on leprosy before deciding to reel it in.
Oct 24 2007 'Repo! The Genetic Opera' Trailer Combines Many Awful Things
For years, I've been at least vaguely aware all of these things existed, for one reason or another: the unchecked music career of Paris Hilton, the declining judgement/career of Paul Sorvino, the goth adolescent mentality that keeps Hot Topic and Marilyn Manson relevant, leftover sets from the Saw series, flamboyancy.
Who could have guessed they would one day merge to create a terrible, operatic Voltron of bad taste?
Video evidence under the cut.
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Jun 29 2007 Lindsay Lohan Playing Paris Hilton?
In news that's given the editorial staff of Us magazine huge boners, Lindsay Lohan is rumored to be in talks to portray Paris Hilton in a movie about her life, with Britney Spears supplying the music! Besides the obvious issue--that Paris Hilton hasn't done anything in her life worth telling--I don't see why Paris wouldn't be playing herself. In case you missed The Hillz or National Lampoon's Pledge This!, Ms. Hilton is fully capable of delivering riveting performances, and has in-essence been playing herself for years, being that she is a completely disingenuous fraud.
So is casting a coked-up party girl as a coked-up party girl the best casting ever or a huge cop-out? Would you feel differently if they were casting one freakish, alien-worshiping closet homosexual as another (John Travolta playing Tom Cruise, or vise versa)?
