Nov 19 2009 'New Moon' and Other Non-Abstinence-Vampire Films Open This Weekend
Films for those with an unnatural obsession with Robert Pattinson and those without such an affliction hit theaters this weekend. Here are your options:
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Director: Chris Weitz
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner
Good if you want to see: you know full well exactly what this is. You can stop pretending.
Planet 51
Director: Jorge Blanco, Javier Abad
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Seann William Scott, Jessica Biel
Good if you want to see: a Twilight Zone-esque "it turns out man is the alien!" concept mixed with E.T. and crammed into the broad, animated family comedy mold; the cast of The Rundown vocally reunited for some reason
The Blind Side
Director: John Lee Hancock
Starring: Sandra Bullock, Quinton Aaron
Good if you want to see: Sandra Bullock forcing her way through a Southern accent to show how rich, white, trophy wives are capable of changing the lives of a poor, black kid if the kid is giant enough to be good at football; the exchange, "You're changin' that boy's life," "No... he's changin' mine" (oof!); an explanation for the shot in the trailer where the biological son and foster son are high-fiving over a table covered in assorted condiments (if you find that out, please tell me personally)
Broken Embraces (limited)
Director: Pedro Almodóvar
Starring: Penélope Cruz
Good if you want to see:an Almodóvar film. If you're into his stuff, go for it; if not, don't. If you don't know, see Talk to Her or something first, OK?
Red Cliff (limited)
Director: John Woo
Starring: Tony Leung Chiu Wai, Tekeshi Kaneshiro, other names you probably won't recognize
Good if you want to see: some huge battles between old fashioney Chinese warriors; some warlords and generals talking with subtitles to explain why all these huge battles keep happening
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (limited)
Director: Werner Herzog
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes
Good if you want to see: who know what you'll see in a semi-remake of Bad Lieutenant directed by Werner Herzog and starring Nicolas Cage (besides the imaginary iguanas seen in the trailer)? It's probably going to be pretty strange, though.
Nov 16 2009 People (12-Year-Old Girls) Really Excited About Seeing 'New Moon'
With days of ticket sales to go before NewMoonday (Friday), The Twilight Saga: New Moon has, in human history's record, become the top selling pre-sales film in Fandango history. The vampire/wolfman teen melodrama, which debuts on the 20th, currently accounts for 86% of ticket sales, and has found itself at the top of a top pre-sales list that includes the last Star Wars thing, the last Harry Potter thing, the last Batman thing, the last Twilight thing, and the series finale of M*A*S*H.
Enjoy the spotlight while it lasts, New Moon. The young teen girl taste is fickle; you can't reign forever. Today's Jonathan Taylor Thomas is yesterday's Mark-Paul Gosselaar, or whatever three-named thing girls are into now. You won't always be the high school jock they all want. Soon you'll be their fat husband who married them because they were pregnant, and now everyone on Facebook is judging you. What now, New Moon? What now?
New Moon Becomes Top Advance Ticket-Seller in Fandango History [ComingSoon]
Sep 29 2009 'New Moon' Posters: The Most Thorougly Unlikable Collection of Faces
Summit has released some new posters for The Twilight Saga: New Moon, amassing all the main characters in three one-sheets, making it very convenient to decide whose expression deems them most worthy of being slapped in the face over and over and over. Convenient, yes, but definitely not easy. This decision is far from easy. Just when you think the dubious goddammer in the upper-right has it locked, that he's definitely the one to slap and slap and slap, you notice all these guys making a strong case to also be slapped:
Continue Reading " 'New Moon' Posters: The Most Thorougly Unlikable Collection of Faces "
Sep 14 2009 'New Moon' Trailer: Being a Teenage Girl Torn Between Vampire and Werewolf Boyfriends is Rough
The Twilight saga continues! And now there's a vampire king or something! Which is a bit ridiculous, because it isn't Dracula. If a vampire king is named, it's obviously going to be Dracula. Who's going to run against Dracula in a vampire king election? Get with it, Stephenie Meyer.
Anyway, here's the new New Moon trailer, Twilightiacs.
Aug 27 2009 'New Moon' Photos: Hey, It's the Volturis! You Know, the Volturis
From Yahoo and MTV, here are the first looks at Aro and Alec of the Volturi clan--a series of words that presumably mean something if you've read the Twilight series. All I can figure out is that this new film apparently stars Wayne's World Dracula and the smuggest boy on earth.
Jun 1 2009 'New Moon' Trailer, Girls
It's Bella's birthday, and you know what that means: time for the annual kiss from her undead boyfriend! It's every girl's dream; the perfect birthday--someone even bought her an intricately decorated cake from a Food Network contest! But when Bella experiences the most dramatic paper cut scene ever committed to film, one that leads to Yacht Club Vampire attacking her, Edward realizes they come from different sides of the vampire tracks. He knows what he must do: abandon her in the forest, home of the Rastafarian vampires who wear colored contacts so that you'll know they're bad guys.
Who will save her birthday now? Answer in the Twilight Saga: New Moon trailer:
May 28 2009 New 'New Moon' Photos: I Get the Sense This 'Twilight' Thing is Being Targeted to a Specific Demographic
Shock Till You Drop has posted 60-some shots from the set of The Twilight Saga: New Moon, and, of course, that means a bunch of photos of shirtless Young Dracula's pale limbs coolly embracing his non-vampire girlfriend. Really giving the people what they wanted. The fans said, "OMG EDWARD + BELLA 4EVER ID LIKE TO SEE HIM SHIRTLESS YUM LOL," and the filmmakers listened. Good to see that even with the change in director, there will still be just as much pandering.
Now time to lie on my stomach across a canopy bed and write out a few glittery diary pages on how I can tell Bella and Edward are still totally in love.
May 19 2009 'New Moon' Poster, Same Rustic Portrait Studio Backdrop
I don't know what it is about this cryptic image, but I get the feeling New Moon might hold some kind of love triangle involving Vampire Luke Perry, Angry Meathead, and Avril Lavigne Protégé. Don't ask me why. I just have this sense that we're finally going to figure out if girls prefer vampires or werewolves to not have sex with.
The Twilight Saga: New Moon Poster [Coming Soon]
Apr 22 2009 It's the Wolf Pack! (Apparently Some Sort of Shorts-Wearing 'Twilight' Werewolf Frat)
USA Today has posted the first shot of The Wolf Pack, a group of four shirtless Native American guys with airbrushed abs, from The Twilight Saga: New Moon. I wonder if the fake woods backdrop is an indication of how the production values have gone up with the larger budget for the sequel. That thing is Sears Portrait Studio quality.
Feb 20 2009 The Twilight Saga's (Possessive!) New Moon Logo
MTV has unveiled the new title artwork for the Twilight sequel, and revealed that the film's official title is The Twilight Saga's New Moon (which is odd, because the title artwork does not quite say that). Good idea, though. This way, after they run out of books, they can start making easily-identifiable spin-off films. The Twilight Saga's Christmas Vacation: Cousin Edward's Island Adventure, here we come.
Jan 22 2009 Dakota Fanning's Overwhelming Paleness Joining Robert Pattinson's Overwhelming Paleness?
E! Online is reporting that Dakota Fanning is in negotiations to star alongside Robert Pattinson (vampire) and Kristen Stewart (human) in New Moon (that's the Twilight sequel, for those of you who don't READ teen girl vampire romance):
I can exclusively report that the 14-year-old child star—she turns 15 on Feb. 23—is in talks to play Jane opposite Robert Pattinson & Co. in New Moon, the upcoming sequel to box office megahit Twilight.“There were no auditions,” a source reveals. “They just offered it to her outright, and now they’re in negotiations. They’ve been going back and forth.”
Jane is a member of Italy’s Volturi, the most deadly group of bloodsucking killers in author Stephenie Meyer’s best-selling series.
In the casting notice we got our hands on earlier this month, Jane is described as a petite blonde with a “Botticelli angel-like face…[and] crimson irises.” While fellow Volturi guards Demetri & Felix “are three times the size of her, they are terrified of her,” the casting notice reads.
I don't know anything about Twilight aside from how often the vampire guy menacingly stares, but I thought a large part of the reason the studio was loving this series was that its fan base is so insane that they can cast whoever they want, regardless of notoriety or talent, and everyone will still see it, giving the films a huge profit margin. It seems pointless to cast a pricey, acclaimed actress when dubbing a voice over a drawing of Dracula with eyelashes would bring in the same box office numbers. And won't the weight of prosthetic fangs added to her head make her neck vertebrae telescope? Anyone more informed about Twilight/physics have some thoughts on this?
Dec 8 2008 'Twilight' Director Not Returning for 'New Moon' (which is the name of the sequel, I hear)
Summit Entertainment, the studio behind the recent hit Twilight, has officially announced they will be moving ahead with the sequel, New Moon, without director Catherine Hardwicke. From Variety:
Summit Entertainment has wasted no time moving ahead with the next installment in Stephenie Meyer's bestselling "Twilight" series, "New Moon." But in an unusual move after the successful launch of a franchise that has already generated $138.6 million, the upstart distrib is not bringing director Catherine Hardwicke back to direct the picture. Summit and Hardwicke cite Summit's wish to rush the movie into production as one reason for their split. Summit wants to release the picture, which will demand substantial CGI work, by the end of 2009 or the start of 2010. A former production designer, Hardwicke wanted more prep time."Twilight" scripter Melissa Rosenberg handed in a draft of "New Moon" the weekend that "Twilight" opened. Hardwicke wanted more time to work on it; Summit announced it was going ahead with "New Moon" on November 22, with no director attached. Negotiations lasted two weeks before Hardwicke formally passed on the film Saturday.
Wow, Summit is acting as if Twilight had questionable production values and tepid reviews and its success was based entirely on its prior name value and had nothing to do with the satisfactory-at-best direction. Who's going to repeatedly tell vampire boyfriend to stare intensely now?
