Jul 14 2009 Natalie Portman Loves Thor
More information about real-life humans playing ridiculous comic book characters! Confirming previous rumors, Natalie Portman has been cast as Jane Foster, the love interest, in Kenneth Branagh's Thor adaptation. The casting brings a name to the largely unknown cast, but also comes with a vague but foreboding red flag: "the character will be updated." From Marvel Studios:
Marvel Studios announced today that Academy Award® nominated actress Natalie Portman has been cast to star as Jane Foster in the studio's highly anticipated movie "Thor."In the early "Thor" comics, Jane Foster was a nurse who became Thor's first love. The character will be updated for the feature adaptation.
Portman will star opposite Chris Hemsworth who will play Thor and Tom Hiddleston who will play the villain Loki. Kenneth Branagh will direct the film.
Congratulations, Natalie Portman. With V for Vendetta, a trilogy of Star Wars, and now Thor on your resume, you can now rest assured that, if this acting thing doesn't work out, you will have a permanent, guaranteed seat at any and every nerd convention until the day you die. You can just walk in and Lou Ferrigno will have to stand up, give you his chair and hold your coat.
Jul 10 2009 'Brothers' Poster: Time to Learn the Two Extremely Specific Sides of Every Family
There are two sides to every family: the side on which naked Tobey Maguire shuns Natalie Portman's intense back adoration, and the side where Jake Gyllenhaal thinks, "Man, I never get invited to the back-kissin' party. I wonder whose backs-of-heads these are, anyway." If your family is missing one or both of those sides, sorry, but you aren't a real family.
'Brothers' Poster Premiere [Cinematical]
Jul 6 2009 'Brothers' Trailer: No, Not the Movie About the Reunited Tiger Cubs
When news comes back that Tobey Maguire has died in the line of duty, brother Jake Gyllenhaal makes sure he really "takes care" of the widowed Natalie Portman. Yeah, that's right, "takes care" with quotes. (Sex.) Which wouldn't be such a big deal, except it turns out Maguire has survived! He's home! He's making intense, award-baiting faces! And he's understandably displeased with the whole wife-sleeping-with-his-brother thing.
I can't believe the trailer gives away the shot where he turns into Vader:
Continue Reading " 'Brothers' Trailer: No, Not the Movie About the Reunited Tiger Cubs "
Mar 18 2009 Or Does Natalie Portman Love 40ish Photographer Brad Pitt?
Sorry for the silent morning. Con Edison decided to dig some trenches and knock out the power for most of the day, disabling all my electricity-based devices. I'm probably upgraded to some sort of super electricity now though, so a fair trade all in all.
Anyway, let's do movie news. Natalie Portman and Brad Pitt have signed on to star in an adaptation of the Leanne Shapton lengthy-titled book Important Artifacts and Personal Property from the Collection of Lenore Doolan and Harold Morris, Including Books, Street Fashion, and Jewelry. Romantic comedy just got incredibly pretentious:
The book takes the form of Sotheby's-like estate auction catalog, with 325 entries and photographs depicting items that reveal the private moments and the rise and fall of a four-year relationship between the fictitious couple Hal Morris (a 40ish photographer) and Lenore Doolan, (a New York Times food columnist in her late 20s).The project will be developed as a romantic comedy, with Pitt to play Morris, and Portman to play Doolan.
Shapton, an illustrator and art director of the NYT's Op-Ed page, uses items that range from clothes to notes, e-mails and heirlooms to convey the excitement, the hopes and dreams, and ultimately the heartache of a love affair that runs its course.
I can't wait for the scene when the Sotheby's-like auction house is about to sell off all of Natalie Portman's emails, but then Brad Pitt, camera dangling from his neck to show he's a photographer, steps in and silently raises his number paddle--because he still loves Natalie Portman, and he doesn't want her to auction away her emails.
My bet for the title: Auction. No, wait... Bidding on the Heart.
Pitt, Portman to star in 'Artifacts' [Variety]
Mar 17 2009 Natalie Portman Loves Thor?
Who will play Thor? Who will play Thor's arch-enemy, Loki? And who will play Thor's Kim Basinger character? These questions continue to plague us, but Deadline Hollywood has some new semi-answers:
...there's a big push to cast Josh Hartnett either in the winged helmet and/or as nemesis Loki......besides Hartnett, the following actors are being tested: Charlie Hunnam (the British co-star of the F/X series Sons Of Anarchy); Tom Hiddleston (award-winning British actor and RADA graduate who played Winston Churchill's son in HBO's The Gathering Storm), Alexandar Skarsgard (Stellan's son who has appeared in the HBO Iraq War miniseries Generation Kill and vampire drama True Blood, and who's definitely visually right for the role), Liam Hemsworth (offered a significant role in The Expendables after Sly Stallone saw his tape), and Joel Kinnaman (some Swedish-American dude).
Meanwhile, I'm told Natalie Portman is in the lead for the female lead.
Does Natalie Portman playing a female lead mean Thor has a love interest? I'm not that familiar with the Thor mythos, but I thought his only true love was the hammer Mjolnir. Maybe she'll end up being more of a Scully character to Thor's Mulder, where he's always insisting he's a Norse god, and she's like, "Thor, there are no such thing as Norse gods!" And he's like, "Then where did I get this sweet hat!?"
Feb 9 2009 Paying Fugitive Directors to Make Commercials for Fake Products is Art
Questionable artist Francesco Vezzoli commissioned famed rapist director Roman Polanski to make this 60-second ad for the perfume Greed, which is not a real perfume. Why? Because it's a statement, man. Art. It's like when I ordered all those pizzas for a party that no one was ever going to attend. The statement I was making was "I don't have any friends, so I'm going to eat a shit-ton of pizza."
I'll tell you up front, this non-existent perfume is so hot that Michelle Williams and Natalie Portman have a catfight over it. The lesson is that truly great scents have the power to destroy even the strongest hair-brushing buddy relationship.
Aug 25 2008 'New York, I Love You' Trailer Tries to Sell Idea of Affection Towards Popular City
Here's the trailer to New York, I Love You (the thematic sequel to Paris, je t'aime), the upcoming film in which 13 directors pretend there aren't already a lot of movies proclaiming love for New York and make some of their own. Who are these directors? All your favorites. Rush Hour director Brett Ratner? Got him. Natalie Portman the Director? She's there. Natalie Portman's Other Boleyn Girl co-star, Scarlett Johansson the Director? Yup. Plus, it stars everyone, and is going to make Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon ridiculously easy from now on.
Mar 18 2008 'My Blueberry Nights' Poster, for YOUR Blueberry Nights
It's like looking at a Jeremy Blake painting through a haze of tears and pensive women. Or something like that.
'My Blueberry Nights' Poster Premiere [Cinematical]
Jan 10 2008 'My Blueberry Nights' Stills, For a Trashier Natalie Portman
Egotastic has a bunch of new images from My Blueberry Nights, starring Norah Jones, Jude Law, Rachel Weisz, and Natalie Portman as Sharon Stone's inflated self-perception. A worthwhile collection if you like Natalie Portman but wish she looked "truck-stoppier".
Natalie Portman Has Big Fake Breasts [Egotastic]
Jan 3 2008 'Other Boleyn Girl' Has 16th Century Indie Cred
Think it's impossible to transplant the quirky humor (and Natalie Portman) of Garden State into an over-the-top period drama? You are so wrong. In this scene from The Boleyn Girl, Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson have just finished staring blankly into a mirror--a natural reaction to learning their shirt somehow perfectly matches the bathroom wallpaper--and now they're going to off to scream and listen to Ye Olde Shins or whatever. Wearing eye-hurting clothing is totally dramedic.
Many more Boleyn Girl stills here.
Nov 21 2007 'Other Boleyn Girl' Trailer Raises Important Questions
Someone has, at long last, externalized the heterosexual male's deepest and most torturous emotional conflict: who would we rather do, Natalie Portman or Scarlett Johansson? Set in gorgeous 16th-century England, The Boyleyn Girl features a powerful performance from the talented Eric Bana as King Henry VIII that brings a nuanced reality to the absurd fantasy we've played out in our mind so many times.
On the one hand, Natalie Portman perhaps has the more striking features, and a delicately slim body that recalls the not-quite-matured girls of junior high, lusted for but never quite attained. One gets the impression that, on a particularly passion-filled night with the Garden State beauty, she may be broken along with the bed. But is that not part of her appeal?
But after one look at the ample bosom of the curvaceous Scarlett Johansson, our darling Natalie begins to look immature, even boyish. Like a ripe peach, ScarJo has blossomed into a soft and desirable woman. Who, after seeing the first shot of Lost in Translation, did not whisper to themselves the need to "get up inside them panties?"
With such tempting options before him, how is Eric Bana to choose? Is that even the plot? I sort of stopped paying attention when my mind asked the question, "What about both, at the same time?"
Continue Reading " 'Other Boleyn Girl' Trailer Raises Important Questions "
Oct 3 2007 Some Other Crap That Happened...
- More pictures from the Sex and the City set reveal Carrie appears to be marrying Mr. Big in the same garish, over-the-top manner as the rest of the show. [The Superficial]
- Rumor is spreading that McG, director of the Charlie's Angels franchise, is attached to direct Terminator 4. Just as soon as he can find a way to stretch cute boy underwear over liquid metal. [CHUD]
- IMDB added a new character profiles to the database, allowing users to see who has played a particular character and in what films or shows the character has appeared. This will aid me in my quest to see every movie featuring the character of "topless slut." [IMDB]
- Gullermo del Toro may finally get to shoot his passion project, At the Mountains of Madness, adapted from the Lovecraft novel. This drastically decreases my hopes of seeing a reality series about that Pan's Labyrinth guy with the eyes in his hands. [Latino Review]
- Natalie Portman will star in Brothers alongside Jake Gyllenhaal and Tobey Maguire, who play some sort of blood relatives. [Variety]
- Over 2,000 production stills, production budget, breakdowns, and other top-secret materials were stolen from the set of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. TMZ will have the Jones Sex Tape posted within the hour. [IESB]
Oct 3 2007 'My Blueberry Nights' Trailer Can Be Yours, Too
With my feeble notebook's speakers, I wasn't able to really understand most of the sedated dialog in this trailer. Thankfully, near the end I picked up the line, "Goodbye doesn't always mean the end. Sometimes it means a new beginning," telling me it didn't really matter. The only excuse for such a line is if the movie is about people quoting terrible movies, in which case it's brilliant.
My Blueberry Nights stars Norah Jones, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, and Rachel Weisz, all trying desperately to earn more indie cred.
Oct 3 2007 AM Poster Post Bonus: 'The Other Boleyn Girl' is Either ScarJo or NatPo
Try to imagine Jay-Z's hit single Big Pimpin' translated into some kind of old Victorian dialect and played by an old-fashioney minstrel. That's what I want to be playing over this poster, but I have no idea how to go about that.
The Other Boleyn Girl Poster [Empire]
Sep 26 2007 'Hotel Chevalier' Free on iTunes
The Darjeeling Limited won't find limited release until Saturday, but you can get the 13-minute prologue, Hotel Chevalier, on iTunes this very second. It's just as sexy and charming and touching as people were saying, and will surely rule the sexiness category of your iTunes at least until Justin Timberlake makes another album.
And if that doesn't convince you, you also get to see Natalie Portman's bare heinie.
Hotel Chevalier [iTunes]
Sep 7 2007 Hotel Chevalier: Good News/Bad News
Wes Anderson's latest, The Darjeeling Limited, has screened at the Venice Film Festival with a short prologue attached to the front called Hotel Chevalier, starring Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman.
Good News: The short is being called "the sexiest thing that Anderson has ever done," partially because Natalie Portman is supposedly nude to some degree.
Bad News: There are rumors that the short will only be attached to prints in the UK, leaving Americans scrambling for bootlegged nudity until DVD time.
Worse News: Once the initial excitement fades, finally seeing her naked body will probably only lead to anger and bitterness on my part. Why should such a thing exist if I can never touch it?
Venice Film Festival 2007 diary part four [TimeOut London]
Sep 5 2007 Mr. Magorium Makes Olfactory Advertisement
Fox and the LA Times announced a special Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium advertisement on September 9th that will treat readers to the "universally beloved" scent of frosted cake, reminding all who smell it to "be young and have fun." The disillusioned press release explains that Mr. Magorium...
"is the story of the strangest, most fantastic, most wonderful toy store in the world and the equally fantastic and wonderfully innovative ad will debut in the paper's annual Fall Movie Sneaks section."
The unique scented inks in the ad place the Mr. Magorium marketing department only two decades technologically behind scratch 'n sniff stickers. Though, unfortunately, the team still trails farts by millenniums.
Smell Mr. Magorium [ComingSoon]
Sep 4 2007 Natalie Portman Looks Good in Darjeeling Ltd.
The first shot from Hotel Chevalier, the short prologue to The Darjeeling Limited, has been released, giving the first look at Natalie Portman's character. Let the image remind you that Natalie Portman will always look better in a "Caesar" haircut and a robe than either the actual Caesar or a lounging ER-era George Clooney. Plus, she's the only one of the three not involved in affairs with boy-servants.
Nat in Hotel Chevalier [NataliePortman.com]
Aug 22 2007 Darjeeling Limited Opening with Short
Why did no one tell me Wes Anderson's new film The Darjeeling Limited will be opened by a 12-minute short, Hotel Chevalier, which will work as an epilogue, telling a love story between Natalie Portman and Jason Schwartzman? Is it because you knew I'd start giddily flapping my arms, squealing, and acting in other ways that would be humiliating in your presence? If that's the case, then thank you for saving us both from some unnecessary embarrassment.
Aug 3 2007 Futuristic Snow White Sequel (with Shaolin Warriors!)
Hong Kong's Wen Wei Po newspaper has always stood for truth and integrity in journalism, but I'm finding it slightly difficult to believe the premise they're reporting of a new Snow White movie starring Natalie Portman and Jet Li. Aside from the fact is isn't being reported in the major trades, it's also a bat-shit crazy idea that gets crazier as it goes on:
It is set thousands of years after the original Snow White story, when the princess has reincarnated into a young woman, played by Natalie Portman.Her evil stepmother wants to collect the seven pieces of her magic mirror to resume her power.
The Shaolin temple in central China, which has been protecting the mirror for thousands of years, sends seven warriors, led by Jet Li, to protect the mirror and the young woman.
Can this possibly be real? If so, can there also be some kind of battle where the dwarfs mount talking dinosaurs to fight ninjas? It would make just as much sense and would be really awesome.
