Oct 26 2009 Unwanted 'Footloose' Remake in Peril!
Paramount just can't hang on to alumni of Disney's musical high school. Variety reports Kenny Ortega, director of This Is It and heir to the Ortega taco-making supplies fortune (unconfirmed), has departed from the studio's planned Footloose remake over disputes about tone and budget. Fellow High School Musical participant Zac Efron had earlier left the project to be replaced by his faerie brethren, Chase Crawford.
Paramount is still looking to keep the film on track for March shooting, and is looking for an immediate replacement. Personally, I'm less concerned about who's going to replace Ortega than who's going to replace original theme composer and certified hitmaker, Kenny Loggins. Because the answer is no one can replace Kenny Loggins. A Loggins-less world is not one worth small-town-dancing in, that much I can tell you.
Oct 20 2009 'Rock of Ages' Becoming a Movie; Jack Black Just Assumed To Be Involved
Rock of Ages, the Tony Awards-nominated Broadway musical known for combining live theater with frat boy karaoke--and, locally, for having this really, really obnoxious guy in the commercials (above)--is getting the ol' movie treatment. Variety reports Adam Shankman (Hairspray) will direct, working from a script from Ages creator Chris D’Arienzo.
With fellow musical adaptation Mamma Mia! having raked in over $609 million worldwide, New Line Cinema expects similarly impressive numbers for this film--assuming that, between now and the release, no one realizes you can listen to the same songs, sung by the actual artists and without all the annoying story elements, by turning on a radio.
Sep 4 2009 'Aladin' Trailer: The Lack of 'D' Means It's Indian and Crazy
It's what everyone who thinks Indian and Arab are the same people has been waiting for: an Indian version of Aladin! It's like Aladdin, only with one "d", Bollywood dance numbers instead of Gilbert Gottfried the Parrot, and someone called "The Ringmaster." And apparently it's coming to theaters because some people might think it's Slumdog Millionaire 2.
Here's the trailer. I like that the initial titles first make you think it's a porn, then a cheesy corporate video, before finally revealing that it's actually a lost '90s NBC TV movie.
(Thank you, faithful tipster Brayden Jamez.)
Sep 2 2009 'Hands on a Hard Body: The Musical' Only Makes Sense
The difficult-to-find cult documentary Hands on a Hard Body is become a musical? So Variety tells me! The film focused on a group of eccentric Texas characters competing in a contest of endurance to hold their hands on a truck the longest, thereby winning the vehicle; the Doug Wright and Amanda Green-scripted musical would presumably focus on the same, but with occasional song-and-dance breaks.
Well, at least this might bring enough attention to Hands on a Hard Body for the film to get a proper DVD release. And now visiting tourists have an alternative to Shrek: The Musical that they'll never see under the assumption it's "some kinda gay thing."
Aug 4 2009 Wolverine Playing P.T. Barnum
Good news to anyone who's been desperately hoping to once again see the cocktail of Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway, song and dance that made the Oscars so song and dancey. Wolverine has signed on to star as P.T. Barnum in some kind of musical biopic, while the subject of his infatuation is being written with hopes for Devil Wears Prada to take the part. From Variety:
Twentieth Century Fox has attached Hugh Jackman to play American showman P.T. Barnum in "The Greatest Showman on Earth," an original contemporary musical to be scripted by Jenny Bicks ("Sex and the City").Jackman will play the showman with a penchant for hoaxing a gullible public as he creates the three-ring circus that made him famous. The musical also focuses on his infatuation with singer Jenny Lind -- the so-called Swedish Nightingale.
The Lind role is being scripted for Anne Hathaway, who teamed with Jackman in his opening Oscars number.
Perfect casting:
It probably came down to Jackman and George Wendt. You could really only flip a coin to decide who's better suited for the part.
May 14 2009 'Nine' Trailer: Some Babes Dancing Around Daniel Day-Lewis
Hey, there's this now: a trailer for Nine. No, not numeral 9, the animated, post-apocalyptic ragdoll film that looks so promising--this is spelled-out Nine, a new film by Chicago director Rob Marshall that, to the untrained eye, looks basically like Chicago with mostly better actors. (To my untrained eye, anything with burlesque musical numbers is some kind of variant of Chicago.)
So here it is, Chicago 2:
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Apr 3 2009 These 'Fame' People Are Out of the Loop About Getting Famous
Fame worked well enough in 1980, but how am I supposed to believe these characters want to be famous now if they aren't even standing in a line outside Fox? When we have so many reality competitions that can make you famous with only marginal talent, the whole non-stop practice and dedication thing seems so outdated. I mean, from this trailer, the only thing I believe these kids want is to star in a really, really melodramatic Folgers commercial:
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Feb 27 2009 Carrey, Gyllenhaal Are Damn Yankees
Grandma's always like, "Let's watch the the 1958 musical Damn Yankees!" and you inevitably respond, "But Grandma, I'm young; I only want to watch Ace Venture: Pet Detective!" It's so hard to meet halfway with movie viewing in your Family Matters-esque grandma-present home. Until now! From Variety:
New Line Cinema is playing ball with Jim Carrey and Jake Gyllenhaal on "Damn Yankees," attaching both actors to star in a contemporized film transfer of the classic musical."Damn Yankees," which bowed on Broadway in 1955 and won seven Tony Awards, focuses on Joe Boyd, a happily married middle-aged man whose devotion to a hapless pro baseball team prompts him to make a Faustian bargain with the devil to help the team. He's transformed into slugger Joe Hardy, in exchange for Boyd's soul. Boyd can break the deal, but the deadline occurs during the World Series. For good measure, the devil engages Lola, a gorgeous lost soul, to seduce the slugger and seal his fate.
The plan is for Carrey to play the devil, and Gyllenhaal to play Boyd. It's the first musical for each.
Can we get some kind of assurance that Carrey will wear Grinch-like prosthetics for his part? I feel like that's still needed to fully push this past the realm of good sense. Either that or the announcement that actual Yankee A-Rod will co-star as part of a rehabilitation agreement.
Dec 10 2008 'Alvin and the Chipmunks: The SQUEAKUEL' Gets Director
Betty Thomas, director of Dr. Dolittle, I Spy, and 28 Days (not "Later") has signed on to direct the Alvin and the Chipmunks sequel, which is seriously being called The Squeakuel:
Betty Thomas has signed on to direct "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel," Fox 2000 and Regency's follow-up to the surprise 2007 hit featuring the lovable CGI-animated singing rodents.Although plot details are being kept under wraps, the new movie will introduce the Chipmunks' female counterparts, the Chipettes.
After Alvin and the Chipmunks brought in over $200 million domestically, you might think the studios would want to stick with original director Tim Hill. But no, this change was definitely needed to bring the kind of female perspective necessary to make the Chipettes believable characters when they're eating each others feces.
Dec 9 2008 'Chandni Chowk to China' Trailer is ???????
An INDIAN guy is the reincarnation of a great CHINESE warrior!? From what I can figure from this trailer, that's CRAZY. It's wire-fu meets horrible Bollywood musical? Hollywood will definitely be remaking this with Chris Tucker coming back as the reincarnation of hockey legend Gordie Howe:
Continue Reading " 'Chandni Chowk to China' Trailer is ??????? "
Nov 6 2008 'Soul Men' Sprint at Supersonic Speeds Through a Babe-Filled Blue World
They had to get greedy. They could have used Roger Ebert's quote: "You want a good time? Soul Men will provide it," and I would have sort of believed it. Or the Hollywood Reporter's quote that "The late Bernie Mac scores big laughs in this raucous, music-filled comedy," and I might wonder if I'd misjudged the film. But no, they had to go with some guy from CBS-CW (I think?) Television Group saying Soul Men is "perhaps the best buddy picture EVER," a statement that no one will ever, ever consider. There is no way Soul Men is the best buddy picture ever, just as, despite Larry King's claims, Bringing Down the House is not "one of the funniest movies EVER." And as a tip, marketing guys, those kinds of hyperbolic quotes do not sell movies; they make me wonder if Larry King had ever seen a "talkie" before Bringing Down the House.
But while we're on the subject of "best buddy picture," I think this might be it:
Continue Reading " 'Soul Men' Sprint at Supersonic Speeds Through a Babe-Filled Blue World "
Oct 24 2008 Steven Soderbergh is Making a 3D Cleopatra Rock Musical
I hope no one confuses this with the other three-dimensional live-action story of Cleopatra with music by a '90s indie rock band that's directed by an acclaimed Oscar-winner and stars Wolverine and T-Mobile:
For his next directing effort, Steven Soderbergh is plotting a 3-D live-action rock ’n’ roll musical about Cleopatra.He is courting Catherine Zeta-Jones to play the Egyptian queen and Hugh Jackman to play her lover, Marc Antony.
The music has been written by the indie rock band Guided by Voices, and the script is by James Greer, a former bass player for the band and an author.
I can't make anything out of that. Shake up your movie-element Boggle and try again, because this one is nonsense. Computer-animated kittens telling the story of American independence through hip hop, with voices by Jenna Elfman and Charlie Sheen (performing original songs by Warren G), in a film directed by Peter Jackson, is both more commercially viable and logical, and I just made up that scenario by combining the first things that came to mind. That's a testament to how little sense this makes.
Sep 30 2008 Madonna Made This Movie and There's a Trailer
If you're a big fan of Madonna or Gogol Bordello, you'll probably want to watch this trailer for Filth and Wisdom, the directing debut of Madonna, starring Bordello's Eugene Hütz. If you are not a fan of these things, then please join the rest of humanity in ignoring the directing debut of Madonna.
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Jul 30 2008 'Princess and the Frog' Trailer Should at Least Sell a Few Dolls
Watching this trailer, in which a frog insists on more and more intense sexual advances from the non-existant royalty of New Orleans, I was pleasantly surprised that the ridiculous Randy Newman parody of Randy Newman music managed to distract me somewhat from the animated ennui that is this minute-long preview. I was really hoping to give more of an endorsement, seeing that this is probably Disney's last gamble on 2D animation and pretending they don't hate black people, but that's the best I can do.
Continue Reading " 'Princess and the Frog' Trailer Should at Least Sell a Few Dolls "
Jul 15 2008 'HSM 3' Trailer! (If You Don't Know What That Means, Try Not To Find Out)
I won't pretend to understand the prolonged relevance of not one but several of Disney Channel's saccharine programs, but it's somehow reality, and here's more evidence of that: the trailer for High School Musical 3, which for some reason will be in theaters instead of basic cable.
I totally can't believe the end of the trailer shows the basketball trophy. Now I know the part where the basketball court turns into American Beauty and Zac Efron, through song, asks Vanessa Hudgens for the strength to "turn it up; game on" must work. Talk about a spoiler.
Continue Reading " 'HSM 3' Trailer! (If You Don't Know What That Means, Try Not To Find Out) "
Jul 11 2008 Sing Along with That Song You Don't Really Know from 'Hamlet 2'
Earlier in the week, I got an email from an Emily suggesting I give some coverage to Hamlet 2, noting that the script is by Arrested Development and South Park writers, and that it stars the usually-funny Steve Coogan putting on an absurd high school production of a made-up Shakespeare sequel. She might be on to something, so here's the just-released sing-along video for one of the film's songs, "Sexy Jesus." Because sometimes, before a movie has even been released, you just want to belt out one of its unfamiliar songs at your computer screen.
Below-the-cut bonus: the two-month-old, F-word inclusive trailer!
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Jun 26 2008 The 'Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog' Trailer I Refuse to Watch
Thus far, I've irrationally avoided the majority of Joss Whedon's work for the sole reason that Entertainment Weekly covered most of it so heavily. My roommate in college had a subscription, and I got really annoyed flipping through so many articles about Buffy. Friends who love Firefly tell me this is a stupid reason to avoid Whedon's work, and that Firefly is very enjoyable, but I have still resisted. Fuck 'em.
Now Whedon has another work for me to stubbornly, pointlessly avoid: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, a three-part web series starring Neil Patrick Harris, still riding high on his How I Met Your Mother/Harold and Kumar/Old Spice ad fame, and there's a trailer. If it looks good, don't tell me. I'm trying to remain blissfully ignorant.
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May 13 2008 'Fraggle Rock' to Stop Being Fond Memory, Become Sad Future
A Fraggle Rock movie is not inherently a bad idea. The characters are varied and lovable, it tells a fairly complex story of inter-species relationships, and there is definitely potential to make something that would attract both new fans and the old ones who had parents rich enough to afford HBO. Giving the property to the guy who made Hoodwinked though? Kind of a bad idea.
Oh, good, that's what happening:
The Weinstein Co. will turn the Jim Henson series "Fraggle Rock" into a live-action musical feature.Cory Edwards, who directed the animated "Hoodwinked!" for TWC, will helm the picture and write the screenplay. The Jim Henson Co. will produce and TWC will distribute.
Weinstein Company, you will be receiving a package soon. Inside, you will find what remaining memorabilia I've saved from my childhood. Because you (and almost every other studio, of course) have taught me nothing can or should be cherished, they are now your property, royalty-free. I trust you'll know what to do with them: give them to someone who will mercilessly destroy them. Maybe a pack of wild dogs? A wood chipper? The voice of Mike Myers? Whatever. It's up to you now. I only ask that you not remind me of them with talking CGI reproductions or too many unnecessary sequels to my blankie.
Weinsteins roll with 'Fraggle Rock' [Variety]
May 1 2008 'High School Musical 3: Senior Year' Poster, Never Change, BFF 4 Ever
Pretending I saw both of the first High School Musicals, I imagine I would have two reactions once the music of the final song faded, transitioning into the opening theme of That's So Raven: 1.) How did I not have to pay for this much entertainment? 2.) What the shit happens next?! October 24, both questions will be answered!*
*Answer 1: Now you do have to pay for it. Answer 2: Punching the air, and probably singing?
New High School Musical 2: Senior Year Poster [Coming Soon]
Apr 17 2008 Ashley Tisdale Hoping to Top 'Teen Witch'
High School Musical and rhinoplasty star Ashley Tisdale is in talks to star as an unpopular high schooler who learns she has magical powers in Teen Witch, a remake of the 1989 original. To some of you, this may not immediately sound like sacrilege. "What the hell is Teen Witch?" you ask. "Why should I care?" You ignorant, non-hip bastards. It's only the funkiest movie ever made. As evidence, I offer the following clip of the legendary Teen Witch freestyle rap battle:
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