Nov 20 2009 'Last Song' Trailer: Miley Cyrus Gets Her Shot at Bland Teenage Drama
Britney Spears had Crossroads; Mandy Moore had A Walk to Remember; now Miley Cyrus (or is it Hannah Montana when she's acting?) gets her shot at moving from pop songs to insipid melodrama with The Last Song. Based on a Nicholas Sparks book--like A Walk to Remember--the film seems to be about Cyrus/Montana visiting father Greg Kinnear's beach house, meeting a boy, kissing that boy, and the boy executing the fucking strangest, most puzzling romantic gestures he can muster. It's like watching a girl fall in love with a handsome psychotic:
Continue Reading " 'Last Song' Trailer: Miley Cyrus Gets Her Shot at Bland Teenage Drama "
Nov 20 2009 So Many People Are Doing the Acting in 'Thor'
So many people are doing the acting in Thor! Some people joined the cast a few days ago; one just joined today. Let's finally get to filling them all in in our Thor scrapbook, OK?
Firstly, the Heat Vision blog is reporting that Idris Elba--who you may remember from The Wire, The Office, and the ridiculous Beyonce-fights-a-stalker film Obsessed--will be playing Heimdall, another mythological Norse character called "whitest of the gods." Which is funny. Because Idris Elba is black. Not white.
Variety, meanwhile, has news that Stuart Townsend (Charlize Theron's husband), Ray Stevenson (the Punisher that wasn't Thomas Jane) and Tadanobu Asano (Ichi the Killer) will be playing the Warriors Three, Marvel-created Asgardian gods who form a classic trinity of fat guy, Errol Flynn-esque guy, and Genghis Khan-looking guy.
To those thinking this is weird because black guys and Asian guys don't belong in the world of Norse mythology... well, you're probably technically right, but you're still assigned ten minutes in the racist penalty box.
Nov 19 2009 Game That Hasn't Come Out Already Becoming a Movie
Thanks to Reliance BIG Entertainment and Brad Pitt’s production company! Risky Business reports the two companies are developing Capcom's upcoming Rocketeer-looking, third-person shooter that you've never played into a feature film, with an eye for Pitt to star:
“Void” centers on a a cargo pilot named Will (Pitt’s presumed character) who, after crashing in the Bermuda Triangle, ends up in a parallel universe where a band of humans must fight an alien threat they had long been thought extinct. Will and the other humans are outmanned but have a number of weapons and powers to help them beat back the alien incursion.
Fans of the game are already of mixed opinion, split between, "We don't exist yet; the game hasn't even fucking come out! You're speculatively making this, but a film based on the hugely successful Halo series can't get off the ground? Jesus Christ, no wonder studios are going out of business," and, "Sounds gay."
Nov 19 2009 'Remember Me' Trailer: Robert Pattinson Has Movies Besides 'Twilight' Sequels, You Know
Pierce Brosnan is as surprised as you.
See R. Pattinson continue his bad boy boyfriend shtick while trading in sparkly vampirism for throwing things and smoking indoors (so bad!) in this trailer for Remember Me. As a bonus, you'll also get to see Pattinson get his face slammed into the pavement (therapeutic if you're really sick of this whole Twilight thing) and how a former James Bond has transformed into George Hamilton.
Nov 19 2009 'New Moon' and Other Non-Abstinence-Vampire Films Open This Weekend
Films for those with an unnatural obsession with Robert Pattinson and those without such an affliction hit theaters this weekend. Here are your options:
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Director: Chris Weitz
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner
Good if you want to see: you know full well exactly what this is. You can stop pretending.
Planet 51
Director: Jorge Blanco, Javier Abad
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Seann William Scott, Jessica Biel
Good if you want to see: a Twilight Zone-esque "it turns out man is the alien!" concept mixed with E.T. and crammed into the broad, animated family comedy mold; the cast of The Rundown vocally reunited for some reason
The Blind Side
Director: John Lee Hancock
Starring: Sandra Bullock, Quinton Aaron
Good if you want to see: Sandra Bullock forcing her way through a Southern accent to show how rich, white, trophy wives are capable of changing the lives of a poor, black kid if the kid is giant enough to be good at football; the exchange, "You're changin' that boy's life," "No... he's changin' mine" (oof!); an explanation for the shot in the trailer where the biological son and foster son are high-fiving over a table covered in assorted condiments (if you find that out, please tell me personally)
Broken Embraces (limited)
Director: Pedro Almodóvar
Starring: Penélope Cruz
Good if you want to see:an Almodóvar film. If you're into his stuff, go for it; if not, don't. If you don't know, see Talk to Her or something first, OK?
Red Cliff (limited)
Director: John Woo
Starring: Tony Leung Chiu Wai, Tekeshi Kaneshiro, other names you probably won't recognize
Good if you want to see: some huge battles between old fashioney Chinese warriors; some warlords and generals talking with subtitles to explain why all these huge battles keep happening
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (limited)
Director: Werner Herzog
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes
Good if you want to see: who know what you'll see in a semi-remake of Bad Lieutenant directed by Werner Herzog and starring Nicolas Cage (besides the imaginary iguanas seen in the trailer)? It's probably going to be pretty strange, though.
Nov 19 2009 Anne Hathaway Could Be in the Spider-Man
How do you like the idea of Anne Hathaway as Black Cat, Spider-Maniacs (fans of Spider-Man who are psychotic)? I ask not arbitrarily but because she might actually have been offered the role.
According to Nikki Finke, producers for the superhero series have approached the Bride Wars warrior with an offer for an unspecified part. Using the knowledge that Kirsten Dunst is still in and Black Cat supposedly has a part in the next Spider-Man film, me and the rest of the internet is guessing that offer was for Black Cat.
Of course, there's also the rumor going around that Rachel McAdams was rumored last week, so we're probably at least a Michelle Williams rumor away from an official announcement. In the meantime, let's continue complaining that Sam Raimi for some reason isn't keeping true to the character and casting a young actress with actual white hair and disproportionately enormous breasts.
Nov 18 2009 New 'Wolfman' Poster: Very Telling Cane Choice
If I were a wolfman, I would NEVER use a wolf cane. Or even if I'm not wolfman, if there's a wolfman issue going on locally, still not using a wolf cane. Casts too much suspicion on myself. If you're in an area with a werewolf, get yourself a cane with whatever the opposite of a wolf is on it. Maybe a toddler?
The Wolfman Poster 3 [IMPA]
Nov 18 2009 Jennifer Hudson Playing Controversial Winnie
No, not Winnie Cooper (thought the way she treated Kevin was sometimes kind of bullshit). Mandela!
Jennifer Hudson, the former American Idol contestant who won the oscar in her first screen role in "Dreamgirls," is ready for her next challenge. Hudson will star in “Winnie,” a drama that casts her as the former wife of South Africa’s first black president, Nelson Mandela.While Nelson Mandela—who’ll be played by Morgan Freeman in the Clint Eastwood-directed “Invictus”-- is a universally sympathetic figure for his struggle against apartheid, his former wife is a far more complicated figure. She has been depicted as the mother and wife who was a steadfast supporter of her activist husband and who was jailed herself for campaigning for his release and fighting against apartheid. Her image was subsequently tarnished by association with a bodyguard who murdered a 14-year old alleged informer, and she was later convicted of fraud.
The filmmakers will tell the whole story, good and bad.
But will Jennifer Hudson sing a special Winnie theme song?
Hudson, who is expected to sing the film’s theme song...
Yessss. I've always said even human rights violators deserve the same theme song opportunities granted to the Men in Black. Otherwise, aren't we all violating some basic human rights? Specifically, the right to a movie theme song sung by one of your film's stars.
Nov 18 2009 'Percy Jackson' International Trailer: Your iPod Touch Could Fashionaly Save Your Life
Say you're a half-god teenager up against Uma Thurman Medusa. What sort of reflective surface do you think you could you use against her while also communicating a strong brand image? What has the necessary sheen to direct her image back at her while at the same time letting her know, before she permanently turns to stone, that you care about cost, quality, and conformity in your choice of music player? What item could cast back Medusa's powerful gaze and download an application called "iFart"?
Find out in the new Percy Jackson and the Olympians and Zeus and his Lightning Bolt trailer!
Nov 18 2009 In French, 'Avatar' Looks a Lot More Made-for-TV Fantasy Miniseries-ish
The lack of John Rhys-Davies is all that's separating this from being a SyFy original called Effigy.
The French Poster for Avatar [ComingSoon]
Nov 18 2009 This Is the Droid You Were Looking For
As noted by one of my girlfriend sites, a search for R2-D2 in the new Star Trek has ended. (Also of note: there was a search to find R2-D2 in the new Star Trek?) The above shot has been confirmed to be the fabled cross-franchise, fan-fiction-like appearance by the droid in J.J. Abrams' reboot.
Fans of both series should enjoy the subtle nod from one fictional universe to another, whereas superfans of either series should be vexed for years trying to figure out how to justify a being from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away showing up in the 23rd century, and determining what disastrous consequences this anomaly may hold for both universes.
Nov 18 2009 Proof Japan Remade 'Sideways'
The person who posted this trailer on YouTube labeled it "bizarre," but the Japanese have created too many genuinely bizarre things to really say this is bizarre. It's more surreal, like you've woken up in a parallel universe where everything is the same, except in Japanese. Though I guess it is a little bizarre how quickly the trailer devolves into a karaoke video:
Nov 17 2009 'Crazy Heart' Trailer: God, Jeff Bridges' Heart is So Crazy
Don't count your Best Actor trophies (one trophy) yet, Morgan Freeman. You may do a good impression of Nelson Mandela in Invictus, M.F., but in Crazy Heart we've got Jeff Bridges in an inspirational return-to-relevance-after-fall-from-grace country singer story. That ranks just below retarded and Holocaust stories on the Guaranteed-an-Oscar scale.
Continue Reading " 'Crazy Heart' Trailer: God, Jeff Bridges' Heart is So Crazy "
Nov 17 2009 Another 'Alice in Wonderland' Poster: Does Caterpillar Have a '60 Minutes' Segment?
Because I'm pretty sure that's Andy Rooney's blue head on a caterpillar body. Let's investigate...
Nov 17 2009 They Forgot To Put the Film's Name on the 'Salt' Poster
Oh, no, there it is.
Salt poster [JoBlo]
Nov 17 2009 Anna Faris Also in Another Horribly Titled Movie
Remember how annoying girls about a decade ago would sometimes be like, "Yikes, tee em eye! (Too much information!)" Well, someone thought that would make a good title for a modern feature film, and Ryan Reynolds and Anna Faris will be starring in it:
Universal Pictures has acquired "TMI," a comic vehicle for Ryan Reynolds and Anna Faris.Scripted by Kirsten "Kiwi" Smith and Marc Klein, the comic premise is that while honesty is the best policy for a relationship, "too much information" might not be the best thing.
Ah, how beautifully high concept. Couple makes agreement to tell each other everything; arrangement leads to anger, jealousy, and Yes Man-style comedy; couple finds moral that maybe complete openness really can lead to... TOO MUCH INFORMATION; audience forever forgets hollow film ever existed twenty minutes after exiting theater. Once you've got the cast in place, the "you did WHAT???"s practically write themselves.
Nov 17 2009 Anna Faris Joins [Title Too Offensively Punny for Headline]
Wedding BANNED. She's joining a Robin Williams movie called Wedding BANNED:
Anna Faris is in negotiations to star as Robin Williams' daughter in "Wedding Banned," a romantic comedy for Touchstone."Banned" revolves around a long-divorced couple who kidnap their daughter (Faris) on her wedding day to prevent her from making the same mistakes they did. The parents rekindle their relationship as they elude cops and the angry groom.
Williams is on board as the father; the mother has not been cast.
See, a wedding BAND is a ring you wear to signify that you're married. This is a subtle twist on that: the word "band" has been replaced with the similar sounding "banned." Because Robin Williams is stopping Anna Faris's marriage, effectively banning it. Wedding Banned. The title is Wedding Banned.
I have to go punch some things now.
Nov 16 2009 'Disney's Oceans' Trailer: See Our Maritime Freaks on the Big Screen
Next Earth Day, spend the holiday the way nature intended: see some of the freaks nature has allowed to thrive in our waters with Disney's Oceans.
This trailer is pretty light on the freak fare, but I imagine the actual film must include at least a few examples of deep sea things with jaws so impossibly giant that it's infuriating/cringe-inducing:
Continue Reading " 'Disney's Oceans' Trailer: See Our Maritime Freaks on the Big Screen "
Nov 16 2009 People (12-Year-Old Girls) Really Excited About Seeing 'New Moon'
With days of ticket sales to go before NewMoonday (Friday), The Twilight Saga: New Moon has, in human history's record, become the top selling pre-sales film in Fandango history. The vampire/wolfman teen melodrama, which debuts on the 20th, currently accounts for 86% of ticket sales, and has found itself at the top of a top pre-sales list that includes the last Star Wars thing, the last Harry Potter thing, the last Batman thing, the last Twilight thing, and the series finale of M*A*S*H.
Enjoy the spotlight while it lasts, New Moon. The young teen girl taste is fickle; you can't reign forever. Today's Jonathan Taylor Thomas is yesterday's Mark-Paul Gosselaar, or whatever three-named thing girls are into now. You won't always be the high school jock they all want. Soon you'll be their fat husband who married them because they were pregnant, and now everyone on Facebook is judging you. What now, New Moon? What now?
New Moon Becomes Top Advance Ticket-Seller in Fandango History [ComingSoon]
Nov 16 2009 Let's Pool Our Money and Buy Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
Because the studio in charge of James Bond and part of The Lord of the Rings is now taking bids. From Variety:
MGM's officially for sale.The Lion said Friday afternoon that it could also find a partner or remain a stand-alone company. In a statement, MGM said it was "beginning a process to explore various strategic alternatives including operating as a standalone entity, forming strategic partnerships and evaluating a potential sale of the company."
According to sources close to the company, MGM's investment bankers Moelis & Co. are overseeing the sales process, while current management will remain in place with feature development and production continuing.
My sources from the '30s tell me the sale should be in the "bunch a' buck-olas" range, as "MGM is tops for Technicolor" and has "all you tops starlets," including "the fabulous Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, and--hubba hubba--Greta Gah-bo!!"
