Nov 12 2009 OK, I Understand the 'Monopoly' Movie Now

And it sounds terrible. Read this description by story writer Frank Beddor, and you too can enjoy the knowledge that Ridley Scott's Monopoly isn't going to be as much like Blade Runner with Monopoly as previously described. It's more like something between a Parker Bros. sponsored Wizard of Oz and history's goofiest Twilight Zone episode:

"I created a comedic, lovable loser who lives in Manhattan and works at a real estate company and he’s not very good at his job but he’s great at playing Monopoly. And the world record for playing is 70 straight days – over 1,600 hours – and he wanted to try to convince his friends to help him break that world record. They think he is crazy. They kid him about this girl and they're playing the game and there’s this big fight. And he’s holding a Chance card and after they’ve left he says, ‘Damn, I wanted to use that Chance card,’ and he throws it down. He falls asleep and then he wakes up in the morning and he’s holding the Chance card, and he thinks, ‘That’s odd.’"

Can you see where this is going? Let's continue then...

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Apr 22 2009 'Ridley Scott Making Monopoly Movie' Not the Made-Up Part

From The Onion Radio News:

Funny, but also raises a good question: will the pieces be characters in the Monopoly movie? It would be ridiculous, but no more ridiculous than a Monopoly movie already is, and a tuxedo-wearing Ian Holm complaining about medical bills is probably only enough meat for half a film.

Nov 12 2008 Deed Runner: Monopoly Movie Update

Despite all logic, the rumor that Ridley Scott would be directing a Monopoly movie has been confirmed by the Hollywood Reporter:

The feature project has brought on Pamela Pettler to write the screenplay; She penned Tim Burton's "Corpse Bride," Gil Kenan's "Monster House" and the upcoming animated adventure "9," produced by Burton and Timur Bekmambetov.

And Ridley Scott, who has been attached as a producer on "Monopoly" and has been mentioned as a possible director, is now officially attached to helm the project, with an eye toward giving it a futuristic sheen along the lines of his iconic "Blade Runner."

Something along the lines of Blade Runner. Yeah, that's fine. That works. Rich Uncle Pennybags flies around in a thimble buying up all the property in gritty Neo-Chinatown, and every time Edward James Olmos pays to stay at the hotel there, the booming synth of Vangelis reminds him that $1250 is a bit hefty for one night.

Hollywood, collectively, needs to start carrying around a tape recorder and listening back to what they're saying.

Feb 20 2008 Universal, Hasbro Announce Bad Idea Partnership

Universal Pictures and Hasbro have announced a six-year partnership that will produce at least four films based on the following games: Monopoly, Candy Land, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering, and Stretch Armstrong. Aside from Ridely Scott's inexplicable involvement in the Monopoly project, very little is known about how the properties would be developed into feature films. So how about I pitch some ideas?

Ouija - A group of gullible teenagers attribute a string of recent murders to a ghost, only to find out it was just their asshole friend doing it. (Note: This should be made in Asia first, then remade here.)

Clue - A wealthy mansion-owner invites a group of similarly affluent guests over to watch Clue.

Battleship - A hotshot naval commander attempts a daring new formation of lining up his fleet in a row along the border. This fails, but the young leader still finds victory after the enemy can't find his f***ing destroyer.

Monopoly - A light-hearted gathering erupts in argument; the film ends abruptly.

Stretch Armstrong - This movie (and toy) should never be made, but will star Jim Carrey and a lot of low-budget CGI.

Candy Land - A band of outcast teenagers find themselves in a colorful, candy-coated world where their movements are dictated by color. It turns out they're just really, really high.

Magic: The Gathering - An exciting battle between a powerful orc shaman and a dwarf paladin suddenly becomes dull when someone realizes it's a card game.

Any other/better ideas? It seems like the Magic movie should work in woeful virginity, but I'm not sure how.

Universal rolls dice with Hasbro [Variety]