Nov 20 2009 'Last Song' Trailer: Miley Cyrus Gets Her Shot at Bland Teenage Drama
Britney Spears had Crossroads; Mandy Moore had A Walk to Remember; now Miley Cyrus (or is it Hannah Montana when she's acting?) gets her shot at moving from pop songs to insipid melodrama with The Last Song. Based on a Nicholas Sparks book--like A Walk to Remember--the film seems to be about Cyrus/Montana visiting father Greg Kinnear's beach house, meeting a boy, kissing that boy, and the boy executing the fucking strangest, most puzzling romantic gestures he can muster. It's like watching a girl fall in love with a handsome psychotic:
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Jul 15 2009 Miley Cyrus Starring in 'Wings'; Tony Shalhoub and Thomas Haden Church Curiously Absent
Who here is a big fan of Disney's lab-constructed pop icon, Miley Cyrus? [Applause] OK, good, some fans. Then you'll be pleased to hear the toothy daughter of "Doc" will be starring in Disney's upcoming adaptation of Aprilynne Pike's Wings, playing a sheltered girl having a hard time fitting in at her new high school. Classic tale of teenage alienation. Oh, except that the reason she's alienated is because she's literally a fairy. Says Variety:
Pic will be developed for Cyrus to play Laurel, a 15-year-old who grows up sheltered and home-schooled in a small town. Adjusting to a big high school is difficult, and her suspicion that she's not like the other kids becomes a reality when she sprouts a pair of wings and learns that she's a fairy. Published in May, the novel is the first of a planned four-book series.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Not really anything else to say about the matter.
Nov 7 2008 'Bolt' Trailer Fails to Raise the Amazing Dog Bar
Disney has released a new trailer for Bolt, the Homeward Bound-esque story of the dog star of an action series who must find his way home after coming to the terms with the somber reality that he possesses none of the powers of his on-screen alter ego. I'm curious how this will play in a post-Air Bud world, an existence where children have been exposed to a dog that actually has amazing abilities. I know if I were a kid, I would be super pissed that Bolt probably can't even play that great of a game of baseball, whereas Air Bud is adept at every sport, and has solved several serious crimes. Bolt simply does not measure up to the current standard of awesome dogs.
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Jun 27 2008 'Bolt' Trailer: What It Could Have Been Far Better Than What It Is
Empire has the trailer to Disney's Bolt, the new typically-saccharine animated film starring the voices of Hannah Montana and Scientology. Please watch it, because I want to know if I'm the only one disappointed when this trailer transitions from the story of a cyborg dog saving a girl's war-prisoner father into some kind of delusion-driven fusion of Galaxy Quest and Homeward Bound with Animaniac cameos. I'd much rather see the first story, with a candy-colored Disney POW camp being liberated by a robotic canine gnawing through the wires that connect the prisoners' nipples to car batteries. Moreover, I want the Burger King toy that would result from that scene.
'Bolt' Trailer [Empire]
Jun 20 2008 'Bolt' Advance Poster Reminds Us, Oh Crap, I Forgot They're in This
I bet you thought you'd have to wait until the apocalypse to see these two names astride a lightning bolt. Surprise!
Bolt Poster [IMPA]
Jun 16 2008 Information Superhighway-Exclusive 'Bolt' Clip
Disney has released a sneak peek at their upcoming animated film, Bolt, starring John Travolta as the voice of a celebrity dog and Miley Cyrus (or is it Hannah Montana?) as Penny, the dog's owner. The clip contains some new footage from the family comedy, along with an introduction by Miley, who explains that she was the perfect choice for the voice of a dog owner, because she's, like, totally into dogs. She also repeatedly refers to us, the viewers, as "surfers" for some reason, so either this clip was meant to be shown at some kind of surfing competition or Miley and her co-host are the only people under 50 that still thinks of internet usage as "surfing the net."
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