Oct 1 2009 Save the Date: Giant Robots Fighting Each Other Again July 1, 2011
If Transformers 2 left you wanting to see more robot stereotypes, explosions, and general mechanical nonsense, make sure your mom can drive you to the theater July 1, 2011 (you can't drive, silly 10-year-old), because that's the next time Michael Bay will cough up a few reels of CGI and sell it to you for $12. From the BayBlog:
Well its official: We have a great Transformers 3 story. The release date is now July 1st 2011. Not 2012.Today is Day One. This morning started with an ILM meeting for five hours in San Francisco. Currently I'm flying with writer Ehren Kruger to Rhode Island to talk to Hasbro about new characters.
P.S. Megan Fox, welcome back. I promise no alien robots will harm you in any way during the production of this motion picture. Please consult your Physician when working under my direction because some side effects can occur, such as mild dizziness, intense nausea, suicidal tendencies, depression, minor chest hair growth, random internal hemorrhaging and inability to sleep. As some directors may be hazardous to your health, please consult your Doctor to determine if this is right for you.
Is the postscript meant as some kind of strange flirting he posted under the assumption Megan Fox actually reads his blog? That's kind of sad.
Aug 31 2009 'Bad Boys 3'!!!
Bad Boys 3!!!:
Columbia Pictures is developing a third installment of the high-octane "Bad Boys" franchise, tapping Peter Craig to pen the screenplay.The hope is to have a script that would reunite director Michael Bay, producer Jerry Bruckheimer and stars Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. At this point, with the project in the early stages, none has a deal to return.
God, get that deal going! My eyes are already spinning with 360-degree camera spins as my ears ring with anticipatory sassy dialogue and blowing ups!
Jul 8 2009 "You Can Be in 'Transformers' After I Record You Washing My Awesome Car" - Michael Bay
I question the validity of this story, but if it is indeed true, Michael Bay is even worse than we thought. Director of some our most expensive stupid movies and egregious sexual harrasser?
U.K. broadcaster Jason Solomons wrote in a recent column that Bay had Ms. Megan Fox wash his (unspecified) Ferrari at his home as part of her audition for her role in the first Transformers movie. And since Bay was doing "official" auditions, he apparently recorded every minute of it.Solomons reportedly asked Fox if she knew where the footage was, and he says she was unsure where the footage was, adding that she was "concerned" as to where it may be. According to Solomons, Bay all but confirmed the tape's existence, allegedly saying "Er, I don't know where it is either" when asked by the broadcaster.
Well, I guess it's not that big of a deal by Hollywood standards, when you consider the things (handjobs) I'm sure many actresses have had to do to get parts. And, come to think of it, this isn't that unusual; I've actually had to wash a car for a job, too. That job was "washing someone's car."
(Thanks for the tip, sh3lby.)
Michael Bay filmed Megan Fox washing his Ferrari as part of her Transformers audition?! [Autoblog]
Jun 25 2009 Michael 'Turd' Bay Wants 'Transformers 2' More Event-Like, Less Lame
It should go without saying that Michael Bay is something of a turd. There's already plenty of turd evidence to support that theory, and I don't think anyone, including Bay himself, is really disputing the notion, but just in case you find yourself in a conversation where you need the additional support of a turdy email to prove that Michael Bay really is something of a turd, fellow turd TMZ has this report on a turdy email the director sent:
Michael Bay sent a scathing email to Paramount Studios before the release of "Transformers 2," complaining in effect that his famous director friends would be shocked at the way Paramount was promoting the flick.We've obtained an email dated May 4, 2009 -- from Bay to Paramount head Brad Grey, along with a bunch of other Paramount honchos. Bay complains bitterly that Paramount's ad campaign for "Transformers 2" was tepid and ineffective.
"... I have been waiting, and waiting for the anticipation of an 'event movie' to make it into the 'public zeitgeist,'" Bay writes.
Bay calls the print campaign an "abject failure," with a "pathetic presence" in the L.A. Times. He's especially pissed about the profile of the movie on the MTV Video Awards, calling it "so lame."
But here's the best part. Bay name-drops Jerry Bruckheimer, saying Jerry always told him "a studio that does not make [the opening of a movie] an event ... will get bitten in the ass." He then adds, "Besides my good friend Steven [Spielberg], Jerry has made a lot more successful movies then (sic) all of us."
Why isn't Transformers 2 in the public zeitgeist, guys!? SO LAME. If this were a Stevesy--Spielberg, heard of him?--film, it would definitely be in the public zeitgeist. That print campaign was just so lame. Everyone knows print is the way of the future, so that really should have been the focus for this public zeitgeist event, you lame-heads.
God, what a turd.
(Thanks, Elmo.)
Jun 8 2009 'Transformers 2' IMAX Cut Slightly Longer, Thus Impossible to Hate
Watch out, haters! You bes' keep yo hatin' to the audience of the Jerry Springer's Security Guy Show and out of IMAX theaters. Michael Bay has made the IMAX cut of Transformers 2 slightly longer, and some shots are on big film, so he's warning "haters" for some reason! From Bay's forum (via Coming Soon, thanks to Rick):
Hey everyone,In Japan today. After a month and half seven days a week most days going till midnight me and my crew have just about finished Transformers. I have never seen such a level of dedication from every crew member in a movie before.
Even today after the press in Japan and right before the premiere tonight, I have to sneak out to a digital house to approve the last few effect shots.
It has been a long hard road, but really fun one to travel. What you will notice that is strikingly different than Transformers 1, is the level of animation detail. The robot characters (42 in all), you really can feel empathy for them. What is also very different is the sheer scale of the movie. We have been very tight holding back much of the best imagery in commercials and trailers.
The way to see this movie is on IMAX. Never before has there been 4k rendered character animation shot on full IMAX 70 mm film. This is a first and the results are stunning. You will see Optimus Prime in a few shots where he is actually perfectly to scale on the IMAX 50 foot tall screens.
For IMAX, I created a slightly longer cut with more robot fighting. Four scenes were shot on IMAX cameras so the screen will fill the full IMAX screen for these scenes.
Haters beware.
Michael
Yeah, haters! Since the only criticism of Transformers 1 was lack of 1:1 scale shots of any of the robots, I don't see what anyone could say about lack of coherent action, absence of compelling characters, and overall feelings of pointlessness. Game, set, Bay.
May 1 2009 K'BOOOOSH!!: 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' Trailer
Shia LaBeouf just got to college, leaving behind his robot friend that turns into a Camaro and his ridiculously hot girlfriend-cum-motorcycle showroom model, and already things are going crazy. A shard of something that fell out of Shia's bag has given him A BEAUTIFUL MIND! And Megatron wants his brain to decode some pots in a pyramid or something! And there's a robot that devours sand like he doesn't even give a shit!
You'd better just see for yourself:
Continue Reading " K'BOOOOSH!!: 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' Trailer "
Apr 28 2009 Breakfast, if the Morning Routine Were Directed by Michael Bay
Obviously there would be more explosions, cameras rotating around characters, and at least one shot where the hero walks in slow motion towards the camera, but otherwise this is pretty accurate:
Continue Reading " Breakfast, if the Morning Routine Were Directed by Michael Bay "
Apr 15 2009 Michael Bay is Living Your Steven Spielberg Fantasies
Some Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen news from Michael Bay's forum: it's AWESOME. To quote Bay:
Steven Spielberg sat next to me in a big 100 person theater at Sony today. There were 98 empty seats. The lights came up after we just watched my cut of Revenge of the Fallen. He turned to me and said "It's awesome".
And I was like, "Sweet, I know. It rules." And then we started making out, but it wasn't gay because it was all just mutual respect oozing between our slightly parted lips. And then he was all like, "Do you have a hoverboard?" And of course I'm like, "No." And he's like, "Good, then you can take mine--I'll ride this dragon." And this giant dragon bursts out from behind the screen! And then--wait, did I say the rest of the seats were empty? Sorry, I meant at first. By this point there were all these babes--swimsuit models--in them, and you could tell how bad they wanted to make it with us. It was really awesome.
(via CS.)
Apr 13 2009 Rob Schneider as Snarf is Too Frighteningly Possible
Thanks to Daniel for passing along this typically hilarious and incisive story from The Onion: Michael Bay Signs $50M Deal To Fuck Up 'Thundercats'. "No filmmaker working today has Bay's ability to somehow direct his actors to be both emotionless and melodramatic at once." So true.
Apr 2 2009 This Year's Transformers Line-Up is as Follows...
Start making your checklists early: Dreamworks/Paramount has released the official list of robo-characters in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. You'll probably notice that Megatron, who has been rumored to return since the moment after his defeat in the first film, is conspicuously absent from the Decepticon line-up, while on the Autobot side, a pants-pooping-themed pair has been added.
My Transformer memory is really fuzzy from all these years of not playing with Transformers, so you guys will have to tell me, are there any other characters whose inclusion/disclusion is disappointing? Personally, I'd have like to see my childhood favorite Rad make the cut, even though my sole reason for liking him so much was that his name was Rad.
Feb 16 2009 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' Teaser Has So Many Explosions
My favorite explosion is probably when there's the construction equipment--or so you think!--that starts rotating around and ends up being a transforming metal man, and he's like, BOOSH!! EXPLOSIONS!! What's Your favorite?
Continue Reading " 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' Teaser Has So Many Explosions "
Feb 10 2009 Michael Bay Talks 'Transformers 2', Punches People
At the premiere of Friday the 13th, Collider managed to get Michael Bay to speak at some length about Transformers 2. Between awkward, joking rants about owning the website and pretending to punch people a few times, he revealed:
- He's shot three scenes in IMAX--just like Dark Knight, that Batman movie we all liked!
- The sequel will be darker--just like Dark Knight, that Batman movie we all liked!
- The Transformers will be more emotive this time around. The effects team probably got a new set of Intel microchips and did a virus scan to get more computer power into robot facial expressions. That's my understanding.
- The film is at 2 hours 20 minutes now, but Bay is still editing it down. So basically that means it will be under 2 hours 20 minutes, in case you thought it was going to be like Lawrence of Arabia with an intermission.
- "It's not trying to just be bigger to be bigger." That sentence he was lying about. He's definitely making it bigger to be bigger, and thank god. The only saving grace of another Transformers movie is that it will definitely be bigger. No one is excited about seeing a smaller, more introspective Transformers movie. But yes, it will be bigger.
- Bay will be waiting at least a year if he decided to start on a third chapter of the series. Let's hope my already-deteriorating paper-mâché Optimus Prime head will last until that opening night!
Full video interview here.
Feb 2 2009 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' Super Bowl Spot
I assume most of you watched the Super Bowl last night--there's obviously a huge cross-over between sports fans and fans of complaining incessantly about the quality of a Dragonball adaptation--but in case you didn't, I'll spend some of the day putting up the movie spots that ran during the game. Here's the ad for Transformers 2, which has definitely raised the bar in terms of robot size and number of Transformers that turn into cycloptic robot dogs:
Continue Reading " 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' Super Bowl Spot "
Dec 29 2008 BREAKING: 'Transformers 2' Contains Explosions
Michael Bay has been at work shooting Transformers 2 in New Mexico and Egypt (those pyramids are going to get so fucked up), and USA Today has put up a new piece that includes a new photo gallery of the film. No new robot designs, but as you can see above--phew!--explosions have been confirmed. This Michael Bay movie will definitely contain images and sounds of things blowing up. We've got that. That's our base. From here, the sky's the limit (of how high fragmented matter can explode).
Sep 4 2008 'Transformers 2' Behind-the-Scenes Enacts Dreams
Transformers 2 has teamed up with Walmart (which makes sense, because both Walmart and Transformers are capable of destroying small businesses) to present a series of shorts documenting the film's shooting. Here's day one, which includes explosions and Michael Bay saying, "It's one of those movies that can really help make a lot of kids' dreams around the world." Never thought of it that way, did you? There are kids in Africa who want nothing more than to see a robot car urinate on John Turturro before they die from one of several things, and Michael Bay is the only one providing that. He's the only real hero we've got left. Anyway, here it is:
Continue Reading " 'Transformers 2' Behind-the-Scenes Enacts Dreams "
Jun 6 2008 'Transformers 2' Title Implies Fallen Will Enact Some Sort of Vengeance
Transformers 2 has its subtitle: Revenge of the Fallen. It subtly implies that those giant robots that were defeated in the first film will be seeking revenge, and that Michael Bay has heard of Star Wars titles.
I can't help but wish a more Fast and the Furious-style naming convention was being used. 2ransformer2 would be as much better title--as would ASCII art of Optimus Prime in the Matrix.
May 29 2008 Guess What Mystical Board Capable of Contacting the Spirits and Asking Them Trivial Questions is Becoming a Movie!
When a partnership between Universal and Hasbro formed in February, giving the studio access to Hasbro's board game library and making a movie version of Magic: The Gathering slightly more than just a dream in a lonely 7th grade mind, I figured it was one of those things we'd hear an announcement for but never have to worry about again--like Grandparents Day, or a miscarriage. After all, if no one can even get a movie about Wonder Woman--a popular character with a long history--off the ground, what chance does a game where you move a planchette around a lettered board have?
A lot, it turns out, thanks to the usual suspect in converting childhood fun into film misery, Michael Bay. His Platinum Bay studio and writer David Berenbaum have announced plans to bring the Ouija Board to screens in a movie titled simply, beautifully, Ouija. And it sounds great:
Although the specific log line for the film is being kept under wraps, the film will be a supernatural adventure with the Ouija board playing an integral part of the story. The movie is not taking a "Jumanji"-like approach, which involved a game coming to life.
Whew! I was worried a Ouija Board movie called Ouija wouldn't prominently feature the Ouija Board, or play out enough like an extended commercial. Or that it would be like Jumanji, in that the sun, moon, and alphabet would literally emerge from the board and trample through a house. Thank you for putting those fears to bed. My only question is if they'll invent some hackneyed story about a hard-to-find antique shop and an old Gypsy woman who sells the kids the magical board, or if the kids will just pick it up for a couple dollars at a closing Kay-Bee Toys in their local mall, like how most people acquire the mystical eventual-TV-tray known as Ouija.
Apr 10 2008 The Uwe Boll Conundrum: Day 3
Following Uwe Boll's rant yesterday--in which he thew insults at Michael Bay, Eli Roth, and George Clooney--responses from all parties have already flooded in thanks to the power of internet-speed communication. Here they are.
Michael Bay's response: "I find people who rant like that - calling shit about both me, and George Clooney - comes from someone screaming because he is not being heard. He is obviously a sad being. When you ask 'do I care'? Not in the slightest."
Eli Roth's response: "GREATEST COMPLIMENT EVER. That is just further proof of what a genius Sasha Baron Cohen is. That’s his best character yet!"
George Clooney's response: An air of unending charisma and self-satisfaction, as always.
Uwe Boll's response to their responses: Rob at RobOnt Radio passed along his interview with the director, in which he basically says he was using those big names as archetypes for the Hollywood Director, and no malice was intended. Also that he propositioned a room of 800 dentists for money?
My response: Drifting towards something akin to this. Let him work; let him live. Otherwise it's one less thing for me to deride.
Mar 4 2008 Another Day, Another Remake: 'Rosemary's Baby', This Time
Like an unnecessary phoenix rising from the ashes of a CGI explosion, Rosemary's Baby has been confirmed as the latest potential remake project from Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes production company:
Platinum Dunes is in talks with Paramount to update Roman Polanski's film starring Mia Farrow, John Cassavetes, Sidney Blackmer and Ruth Gordon. Industry sources tell us the Dunes team - producers Brad Fuller and Andrew Form - are currently looking for a writer (or writers) to tackle the material.
Even worse than the disrespect the surely inferior remake will show to both the original and its source material, let's consider what this means in regards to the Scary Movie franchise. Classic material previously considered untouchable (just because of irrelevance, not respect) is now ripe for parody. A Rosemary's Baby remake means more than Lindsey Lohan getting a Mia Farrow boy-cut to birth the antichrist; it also means Carmen Electra wearing a boy-cut wig to play Katie Holmes birthing a Tom Cruise Scientology joke. Somehow the remake revolver is specially constructed such that even if you take the bullet, you also feel the recoil. Depressing, huh?
Platinum Dunes Eyeing Rosemary's Baby Remake [Shock Till You Drop]
Feb 13 2008 Michael Bay Has Written 'Transformers 2', and Everything Else, It Turns Out
Michael Bay is not to be messed with. He's staged armageddons, forced people to walk in slow motion, spun cameras around things, blown stuff up, and all with the hair of an aging rocker. Michael Bay is not going to let some whining writers interrupt his schedule. That's why, when whoever has the torturous task of writing a two-hour toy commercial/nostalgia generator sat back down at the keyboard today, they were greeted with a little surprise: A Michael Screenbay.
Yes, as my sad amalgamation of "screenplay" and "Bay" nearly implies, Michael Bay has cranked out his own rough draft of Transformers 2, complete with such novel concepts as characters and story--new to Bay's repertoire. But what's really interesting is that it turns out he's been doing this all along:
I've been writing Transformers 2. We've got our characters all designed. I always write all my scripts, my movies anyway so at least I've got something to give the writers. It's like a template. We have a really good outline so I worked on that.
So you mean to tell me that after watching Armageddon, utterly infuriated as to how anyone could combine so many absurd plot points, ridiculous dialogue, and explosions into one film, cursing the names of Robert Roy Pool (story), Jonathan Hensleigh (story, screenplay), Tony Gilroy (adaptation), Shane Salerno (adaptation), and J.J. Abrams (screenplay, and yes, that J.J. Abrams), I should have also been cursing the name Michael Bay? All along, he's been contributing more than just the aesthetic of a car commercial? I mean, it makes sense with the consist level of idiocy he's maintained, but he could have said something earlier.
Michael Bay Says He Already Wrote Transformers 2 [Rotten Tomatoes]
