Oct 6 2009 Mark Wahlberg Will Remake Iceland's Best Thing Since Björk

The Icelandic thriller Reykjavík-Rotterdam has an all-star Icelandic cast, a four-star rating from Iceland's daily paper, won five Icelandic film awards, and is the country's Academy Award submission for Best Foreign Film. But there's one thing Reykjavík-Rotterdam does not have: MARK FUCKING WAHLBERG. Until now, says Variety:

Working Title Films has put in motion a remake of the Icelandic thriller “Reykjavic-Rotterdam” as a star vehicle for Mark Wahlberg.

Aaron Guzikowski (“Prisoners”) will write the script. Baltasar Kormakur, who starred in the film, and produced it and owned remake rights, will direct the remake.

An ex-freight ship worker, fired for smuggling alcohol between Reykjavic and Rotterdam, is struggling as a security guard. His best friend convinces him to sign on for one last crooked job. The worker doesn’t realize his friend has set him up and plans to make off with his family while he’s away at sea.

Ah, classic friend-betraying-friend-to-steal-his-family story. Because that's something that happens. You admire a friend's family, send him on a ship, and finally move into his house with the expectation that his family will accept you as the new patriarch. I can understand why this is such a popular film. Because of realism.

Aug 5 2009 'Lovely Bones' Trailer: To Catch a Stanley Tucci

I've grown so used to having Dateline NBC's Chris Hansen around to stop all the world's predators, it's hard to remember a time before that--a pre-Hansen era when crimes against children still existed. Peter Jackson's The Lovely Bones takes us back to that time, the early '70s, when Hansen was still in school and Stanley Tucci was still able to rape and murder a girl without a camera crew busting in with some chat transcripts. The trailer has just been released, and it looks like the must-see dead-girl-watching-from-Heaven-as-Mark-Wahlberg-solves-her-murder film of the year.

UPDATE: Alright, I guess it's not on YouTube anymore. It's on the Apple, though.

Apr 21 2009 Two Notable On-Set Fighters Joining 'The Fighter'

Can we just figure out who is fighting who and be done with it already? The Fighter, a boxing script once attached to Darren Aronofsky with plans for Matt Damon, and then Brad Pitt, to star alongside Mark Wahlberg, is changing hands once again. Now Relativity Media is in negotiations with Christian Bale and director David O. Russell, both of whom have become famous for on-set freak outs (here and here, if you missed those), to take on the project:

Christian Bale and director David O. Russell are poised to get into the ring with Mark Wahlberg on "The Fighter."

The picture is expected to begin production in July, though Relativity stressed that the principals’ deals are still being negotiated.

Pic tells the story of Boston fighter "Irish" Mickey Ward and how he was helped to the world lightweight championship by half-brother Dicky Eklund. Eklund once decked Sugar Ray Leonard and went the distance against the boxing legend before forfeiting his career to drugs and crime. He redeemed himself by training Ward through his Rocky-like run to the title.

So basically they've abandoned the film and decided to instead make a really, really pricey viral video of some adults yelling at each other. Someone should let the boys down at Relativity know that filming a cat with an empty soda box would get the same kind of attention for a lot cheaper.

Bale in ring with Wahlberg for 'Fighter' [Variety]

Apr 14 2009 Wahlberg, Franco, Others Plan for 'Date Night'

Looking to out-starstud his previous star-studded, night-themed efforts, Night at the Museum director Shawn Levy has added several more notable names to his upcoming comedy, Date Night:

Wahlberg and Franco have signed on for supporting roles in the Shawn Levy-helmed comedy for 20th Century Fox. Leighton Meester, Common, Taraji P. Henson and Kristen Wiig have also boarded the project.

Penned by Josh Klausner, comedy revolves around a married couple who find themselves in harm's way after their routine date night goes horribly awry.

Wahlberg plays a successful and crazily buff securities expert who flirts with Fey's character. Franco portrays a not-too-bright conman and petty criminal. Meester is onboard as the couple's babysitter. Henson plays the one good cop who believes the couple is in danger, and Common portrays a villain. Wiig, who worked with Fey on "Saturday Night Live," rounds out the cast as the actress' best friend.

I just hope I'll be able to believe Mark Wahlberg as a muscly security guy after seeing him so convincingly portray a science teacher in The Happening. It can get so hard to reconcile all the varied, often implausible hats worn by Wahlberg.

Wahlberg, Franco join 'Date Night' [Variety]

Feb 26 2009 Will Ferell & Mark Wahlberg Are: A Sort of A-Team Parody

It's the news you've been waiting for. Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg will soon be entertaining you as a comic, crime-fighting duo:

Sony Pictures Entertainment has acquired “The B Team,” a spec pitch package for an Adam McKay-directed action comedy that will team Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg as cops, with Chris Henchy and McKay writing the script.

Pic will be a co-production between Gary Sanchez Productions and Mosaic. Sony has not set a release date on the film, but it is expected to go into production as quickly as the filmmakers can get it ready.

The comedy was pitched around town on Tuesday by Endeavor and CAA, and Sony co-president Matt Tolmach moved quickly. Tolmach was comfortable committing to a film without a finished script, because Columbia worked in exactly the same fashion on “Talladega Nights” and “Step Brothers,” both of which were set up with a pitch and the collaborative track record of McKay and Ferrell.

Good work, men. Now that we've bridged the gap between the Frat Pack and Entourage, the combination of Dude movies at our disposal are endless.

Ferrell, Wahlberg join 'The B Team' [Variety]

Oct 9 2008 Here's Another 'Max Payne' Poster

Max Payne opens in a week, but in case you hadn't picked that up from the previous five posters, here's another one to remind you. Clever photoshopping guns in Mark Wahlberg's hands to mask the actor's actual hopelessness. If we could see his limp, open palms, it would be way too obvious that this is the exact moment he gave up.

Max Payne Poster [Trailer Addict]

Aug 29 2008 You Can't Say 'Max Payne' Doesn't Look Enough Like a Video Game

Well, there's a new trailer for Max Payne, and with it comes more clues to exactly what's going on in this thing besides slow-motion shooting things. Things that happen: Max Payne fights the bald guy mummy from The Mummy; Max Payne fights creatures he comes to know as valkyries, after a freak tells him they're valkyries; Max Payne recreates his favorite scenes from Die Hard; Ludacris is someone dressed as "a detective" for Halloween; That '70s Show takes her top off. Together, these elements form what almost amounts to a movie:

Continue Reading " You Can't Say 'Max Payne' Doesn't Look Enough Like a Video Game "

Aug 21 2008 New Posters Where 'Max Payne' Stares at the Ground

Mark Wahlberg: forever blurring the line between "pensive stare" and "hey, I think that's a quarter."

One more looking-down-to-simulate-emotion poster under the cut.

Continue Reading " New Posters Where 'Max Payne' Stares at the Ground "

Jul 24 2008 'Max Payne' Posters Promise Guns, Angels, Shafts of Light

Well, Max Payne: The Video Game: The Movie has a couple posters, and it looks like they're going to stick with this Mark Wahlberg vs. Angel of Death Thing motif they set up in the trailer. I don't know how relevant that is to the source material, but I guess I can't argue that the promise of guns and angels is a pretty decent way to market to much of middle America.

Under the cut: poster #2, which takes inspiration from the video game cover art and that Banky character's graffiti that's so popular with the kids nowadays.

Continue Reading " 'Max Payne' Posters Promise Guns, Angels, Shafts of Light "

Jul 11 2008 New 'Max Payne' Shots Prove Functionality of 'Rotate °90' Tool

Mark Wahlberg levitates while demonstrating his Spencer's novelty pistol lighters that always fire parallel to the ground regardless of how they're aimed.

More unfortunate Max Payne shots here.

Jul 10 2008 'Max Payne' Trailer Might Be Best Action Movie Trailer Based on a Video Game Inspired by Action Movies Yet

In an age where many video games are clearly paying homage to the action films that inspired their carnage, I imagine it would be pretty hard to find a way to adapt them into something inspired. The Mark Wahlberg-starring adaptation of Matrixy, John Woo-ish gangster game Max Payne doesn't appear to succeed on that count either, but I will say it at least looks like a generic amalgam of scenes from other, better action movies instead of the usual horrible video game adaptation standard: looking like a horrible video game adaptation. So kudos for that, and further kudos for adding those angel vultures that neither I, in the limited time I spent watching someone else play, or anyone on Kotaku seem to remember from the game. They could have just gone the faithful if boring route, but no, they decided to add some Lord of the Rings wraith-esque elements that will keep Max Payne fan forums buzzing with furious WTFs for weeks. My only real issue is that I find it so hard to believe Mark Wahlberg as a cop after he so thoroughly convinced me he was a science teacher in The Happening.

Thanks to everyone who sent this over.

Continue Reading " 'Max Payne' Trailer Might Be Best Action Movie Trailer Based on a Video Game Inspired by Action Movies Yet "

May 21 2008 Theories I've Formed About 'The Happening' Based Entirely on This Poster

- The "happening" is when a novice graphic designer happens upon a fun new Photoshop filter that makes stuff look "all wavy and shit."

- We're traveling through a time warp to the year 2000, back to when news of an M. Night Shyamalan film caused more than a shrug.

- Someone from the graphics department said, "Maybe we should distort this or something to distract from the terrible job we did making the papers on the ground look real."

- The Happening doubles as an edgy new Eastpak ad campaign.

- This is the twist ending: the film being literally, digitally twisted.

Twisted New Poster for Shyamalan's The Happening [First Showing]

May 16 2008 'The Happening' R-Rated Trailer, Plus: A Scathing Review!

Collider has an early review of M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening, and from the sounds of it, it's come time we stop taking this guy's calls. Here's a sampling:

"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can't really be serious, can they?" kind of way.

If you're dreading the Shyamalan trademark twist-ending, you can breathe a sigh of relief. There's no twist whatsoever. But there's also no ending. I won't ruin it any further by talking about what's not there, but prepare to feel very, very cheated and figure out in advance what consultation you can offer when the person next you confusedly asks, "Is that it?"

With Shyamalan's catalog getting increasingly disappointing with each new addition, it's getting even harder to defend him than it is to defend my everlasting love of Smashing Pumpkins. With both, it's just a lot of, "No, no, no, I know, I know. Yes, their last few were sort of questionable--ignore those. Shut up about Machina/Lady in the Water, OK? Just listen to/watch Mellon Collie/The Sixth Sense. Then you'll get it. What do you mean it doesn't seem all that great? Shut up. I guarantee if you were a teenager when you were exposed to this, you'd be loving it. Shut up. Just shut up."

Oh, and there's a new R-rated trailer under the cut. It proves strangely ineffective after reading that the film is "bad on an epic scale."

Continue Reading " 'The Happening' R-Rated Trailer, Plus: A Scathing Review! "

Mar 11 2008 Mark Wahlberg as 'Max Payne'

It's hard to get too excited about the first shot from Max Payne: the costume is just Mark Wahlberg in a black jacket, the film follows the sorrowful tradition of being based on a video game, and it's a video game that relies heavily on slow-motion "bullet time" effects--meaning we'll get more of the "awesome" slow-motion gunfire treatment Wanted is based around that we already tired of during The Matrix era.

Anyway, now that I've beaten down your expectations, here's the first look at Mark Wahlberg in Max Payne.

First Look at Mark Wahlberg as Max Payne [Dark Zero]

Feb 15 2008 'The Happening' Trailer Has Disappointing Twist Ending

Another trailer to M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening--this one showing off more of the build-up to the inevitable twist ending. Like the malaise of daily life unavoidably leading to empty tears, the film's payoff apparently has equally unfulfilling results: Kyle, who sent the link, has read the script, and assures us that the reason for the unexplained suicides is "f***ing retarded." I never would have guessed.

'The Happening' Trailer [Cineplex]

Feb 4 2008 'The Happening' Teaser Trailer Finds Self-Awareness

I'll assume that, as he was writing The Happening, M. Night Shyamalan must have realized that making a film about people inexplicably committing suicide would lead to critics citing watching Lady in the Water as the likely cause. So thank you, M. Night, for finally reaching the point of self-awareness that you're willing to make it easy for us asshole bloggers. And thanks to Kyle for the tip.

Continue Reading " 'The Happening' Teaser Trailer Finds Self-Awareness "

Dec 7 2007 'The Happening' Poster Has an Expected Twist Ending

"We've Sensed It. We've Seen the Signs." Get it? It's like his old movies! Except they forgot a few. To correct the issue, mentally add the below text to the poster.

"We've Watched It Unable To Be Broken, But Likely Forgot About That.
We've Stayed In The Village, Then Walked Out Angry.
We Didn't Even Bother With Lady In The Water. Seriously, These Cars Have More People In the Seats Than That Shit Did. Hey-Ohhhh!
And How About That American Express Commercial? That Sure Isn't Winning Any Oscars. Unless They Make One For 'Most Self-Indulgent Douche.' Am I Right, People?"

The Happening Poster [Coming Soon]

Nov 9 2007 Some Other Crap That Happened...

- Josh Harnett and Sam Rockwell have joined George-Radliff's adaptation of End Zone, with Hartnett playing a talented running back and Rockwell taking the role of an excitable publicist. I hope Hartnett can pull off the role of a good-looking jock. [Variety]

- If you're in LA, make sure to catch Life of Reilly, opening this weekend--or at least watch an episode of Match Game 76--to get your regular dose of Charles Nelson Reilly. I'll be catching it in New York next weekend to ward against the phantom ascot pains common to CNR withdrawal.

- Writers Guild members: continue not writing. You're on strike, sillyheads! And it's the weekend!

Oct 22 2007 Some Other Crap That Happened...

- Mark Wahlberg has stepped in to replace Ryan Gosling in Peter Jackson's The Lovely Bones with just a day until shooting. Incidentally, this isn't the first time this has happened, with Wahlberg having previously stepped up when Gosling, at the last moment, abandoned his funky bunch. [Variety]

- Steve Buscemi and Daniel Bruehl have joined the cast of John Rabe, the true story of a German businessman who saved more than 200,000 Chinese during the Nanjin massacre. It sounds like a lot of people, but percentage-wise it's like saving an American's left arm. [Variety]

- James McAvoy is rumored to be up for the role of grunge legend Kurt Cobain in an upcoming biopic. The first screen test will be to see if he can show affection to something that looks anything remotely like Courtney Love. [All Headline News]

Aug 15 2007 Jason Statham May Be Action Man

Statham and Action Man, both covered in a fine moss.

If you haven't been following along, let me catch you up on what's currently known about the in-development G.I. Joe movie:

- Producers want The Mummy/The Mummy Returns Stephen Sommers to direct, meaning they must have never seen The Mummy or The Mummy Returns.
- Producers want Mark Wahlberg in the lead as Duke, though Wahlberg has not yet committed to ending his career so quickly.
- Producers also want to involve the British version of G.I. Joe, Action Man, in the film to give it more international appeal. They seem to have no concern over American audiences saying, "Who the hell is an Action Man?"

Now comes news there's another strong contender for casting. While producers still want Wahlberg as Duke, they'd like to see Jason Statham take on the role of Action Man's equivalent to Duke, Alex Man. Now just add obscure toy G.I.s from the other 192 countries of the world and we've got ourselves a real internationally marketable film.

Jason Statham in GI Joe? [IESB]