Feb 20 2009 Live Oscar Blogging Sunday, Let's Say 8-ish!
Make the Oscars marginally more interesting this year: come here for live blogging! On Sunday (8 ET, 5 PT), I'll be posting up-to-the-minute coverage of the out-of-touch event, giving you the best in largely uninformed but modesty entertaining commentary. Remember how much fun we had last year? (Note: last year's makes nearly no sense now, out of context.) It will be about the same fun this year. Drag the computer desk in front of the television and join me for a night of constantly hitting the refresh button, OK?
Feb 24 2008 Oscar LiveBlogging! (Part III)
10:05 - How have they made us hold our collective breath for two hours, waiting expectantly for the winner of Best Sound Editing? A deserved win--those Bourne Ultimatum people really made those tire squeals sing.
10:07 - Something else I noticed about The Bourne Ultimatum: not only were the tire squeals awesome, they really had a great balance with the gunshots and stuff. Great mixing, in a sense.
10:09 - Did you know women have been allowed to win Oscars as well? It turns out they have for some time now.
10:15 - Marion Cotillard wins Best Actress, leaving most of America asking, "who?"
10:19 - Colin Farrell presents Best Grunge Band.
10:24 - Was it not timely enough to make Nicholson say, "You make me want to be a better presenter"? I would love to knock those f***ing glasses off his grinning face.
10:26 - Did you know this isn't the first Academy Awards ceremony? Films have existed, and won prior to this year!
10:30 - The Bourne Ultimatum wins Best Editing, continuing to take home all of the awards no one pays attention to.
10:31 - Nicole Kidman looks like she just found a pirate's treasure, and immediately covered herself in it.
10:34 - It's really uplifting whenever an award-winner has to be carried out.
10:42 - Of course they let Penelope Cruz present Best Foreign Film. Might as well give Tom Cruise Best Short. You know? Because he's short. And she's foreign. Anyway, The Counterfeiters won.
10:45 - "The versatile and handsome Patrick Dempsey"? Did he write this introduction himself?
10:48 - If John Travolta weren't still needlessly in the public eye, I'd believe he were the adult Eddie Munster.
10:51 - Once wins best song after Enchanted splits its vote three ways, with three equally terrible songs. And can you believe the female wanted to speak? Luckily, she was promptly denied.
11:00 - There Will Be Blood wins Best Cinematography; Hillary Swank wins Best Muscley Woman. Try again next year, Zellweger.
11:03 - When they showed the scene from Hook, I was terrified Rufio died.
11:05 - As usual, the obituaries was run like an episode of Kid's Court: hold your full applause until you want to crown a posthumous winner. Did I miss Roy Scheider or was he snubbed yet again?
11:06 - Oh yeah, and Brad Renfro.
11:09 - God, do they really need to point out the relevance of music? I understand that music is important to films. Everyone understand this. If you're going to do this, at least do it for editing or something that's actually overlooked. And Dario Marianelli of Atonement wins, for creating whatever that collection of notes played behind the images is all about.
11:15 - The constant threat on your life that enlisting presents has just been justified: you might get to present an Oscar!
11:18 - Taxi to the Dark Side wins Best Documentary Feature, denying Michael Moore the chance to make a long-winded political diatribe. I'm genuinely disappointed.
11:24 - Stewart's comment that Harrison Ford sounds like the name of an auto dealership may be my new favorite joke for the night. Besides Harrison Ford's earring.
11:26 - Diablo Cody wins for Best Original Screenplay and for Being Totally Awesome and Edgy, and Always Bringing Up Being a Former Stripper.
11:28 - If I'm to believe this last commercial, maybe JC Penney is actually a really great department store?
11:30 - I can't make this clear enough: this is not the first Oscars. There were previous winners!
11:35 - I mean, yeah--who else was going to win Best Actor besides Daniel Day-Lewis?
11:38 - Did I mention I'll also be liveblogging Jimmy Kimmel Live? They finally talked me into it after that last preview. (This isn't true.)
11:40 - Wait, who are these other people receiving awards? Isn't this a one time, never before occurring event?
11:43 - Wow, the Coen Brothers won Best Director. I thought What's-His-Nuts would win.
11:45 - Fair enough--No Country For Old Men wins Best Picture. Though most voters admitted they hadn't yet gotten out to see that pregnant girl one yet.
11:48 - I guess that's it. And not even an hour over schedule. Goes to show how much time you can save just by cutting an obituary or two.
Note: Oscars, from now on always close with an '80s saxophone riff.
Feb 24 2008 Oscar LiveBlogging! (Part II)
9:03 - It was torturous how they made Amy Adams go out there, alone, in the middle of the stage, to sing this cheerful song. That made it sort of enjoyable.
9:09 - The Golden Compass winning over Pirates of the Caribbean and Transformers: an organized atheist conspiracy?
9:12 - Sweeney Todd won art direction, because none of the voters had seen a Tim Burton movie before. And how about this plastic woman?
9:16 - That was a Designing Woman, right? In the audience.
9:19 - Jarvier Bardem wins an expected but deserved victory, which he sullies with another joke about the Prince Valiant haircut. And what was that jibberish he said at the end?!
9:24 - These joke montages would be going over a lot better if the actual joke montages weren't so grossly similar.
9:29 - The Mozart of Pickpockets wins, but the real winner is presenter Owen Wilson--for surviving. Seriously though, did anyone else feel a palpable discomfort when he went up there?
9:31 - Nothing--even theatrical release--will stop Jerry Seinfeld from advertising for Bee Movie. When he dies, he will be buried in a bee costume.
9:33 - When this guy walked into the auditorium with a doll of a boy cradled under his arm, do you think anyone questioned that?
9:39 - Tilda Swindon wins, dressed as half a wizard. Or possibly as an art piece: "Woman Emerging From Satin."
9:48 - I stepped out for a moment, but apparently the Coen Brothers won Best Adapted Screenplay.
9:50 - Did you know it's really hard to run the Oscars? You might think it's just watching some free movies, deciding your favorite stuff, and giving the ballots to an accounting firm, but its actually...
It's basically that.
9:52 - "Wow, that was amazing!" - The best thing Jon Stewart has and probably will say all night. And is this really Miley Cyrus, or is this Hannah Montana?
9:55 - OK, I'll admit I didn't see Enchanted. This was seriously a song, and it's now being considered for an award? This is really terrible, and increasingly confusing as more costumed characters enter.
Continued in Part III! (And the Designing Woman was definitely Dixie Carter.)
Feb 24 2008 Oscar LiveBlogging! (Part I)
8:00 - Now that I'm actually sitting down to watch this, I'm having some second thoughts. Catching the tail-end of the Barbara Walters Oscars special was a harsh reminder of the three-hour marathon of self-indulgent I've signed up for. And how long has Harrison Ford (her interviewee) worn an earring? Why?
8:03 - I'm glad they've started the show with Regis Philbin. Going right to Jon Stewart would probably be too jarring for older viewers. Best to start them off easy.
8:05 - Marion Cotillard was dressed as an albino mermaid then?
8:07 - God, I knew they'd have to make some cute joke about Javier Bardem's hair in No Country For Old Men. I can't wait until they ask Daniel Day-Lewis if he's going to be drinking a milkshake tonight.
8:12 - Mickey Rooney, still alive! And apparently decorated by the military.
8:14 - It was really sad when Jennifer Garner revealed Juno was the first time anyone had given her praise for a movie. Funny, but sad.
8:16 - Cameron Diaz once again proves she's the go-to-girl for the dissection of dark, complex characters.
8:17 - What was with the world's oldest fan (with home-decorated shirt) and the kids? Are they trying to work in elements of The Price is Right?
8:22 - I wish I'd been writing down all the times a shot made me think "they're still around?" I've already missed too many to start now.
8:26 - Regis clearly has a bet that he can find the least relevant people to talk to. His latest find: the stage.
8:27 - I'm so sick of Jack Nicholson's sunglasses. Either he's lost his eyes or he's constantly in a poker tournament. I guess we'll find out if he starts wearing a cowboy hat, too.
8:31 - What better way to introduce the Oscars than with an apocalyptic vision of a war-torn Hollywood, dominated by the very icons we once revered. Smart thinking giving Terminator the statuettes.
8:32 - Jon Stewart appeared to be delivered to the stage by a pneumatic tube, or some sort of giant cryo-chamber. I hope they keep that up throughout the night.
8:37 - Man. When the writer's strike ended, did Leno's writers immediately start on this material? The Norbit joke was pretty good though.
8:42 - Thank god Elizabeth won for Costume Design. I was starting to worry no one would ever recognize the brilliance in recreating old, giant dresses.
8:48 - This Oscars retrospective presents a pretty compelling thesis: if this is what we give you, why do you keep watching?
8:53 - I love stilted banter! (This won't be the last time I say this.)
8:54 - No surprise that Ratatouille won Best Animated Picture. Sort of a surprise when director Brad Bird started doing a long anecdote with voices.
8:58 - Once again, an obscure foreign film (La Vie en Rose) beats an American classic (Norbit). I guess the DVD box will just say "nominated" for an Oscar now.
Continued on Part II!
Feb 22 2008 Oscar Liveblogging Sunday Night at 8!
In the interest of keeping up with the trendiest blogging trends, I'll be liveblogging the Oscars this Sunday, 8pm Eastern to god-knows-when, pummeling you with my every thought on winners, losers, obituaries, and song and dance numbers. Why go to a social gathering when you can stay home, glancing back and forth between televised dresses and a computer screen, alone if not for a wine bottle and a stranger's incremental written critique? See you Sunday!
