Apr 4 2008 Lindsay Lohan Showing Off Acting Skills (Her Breasts)

Lindsay Lohan has a new strategy for jump-starting her ailing career: desperate nudity! Less than two months after her sad, trashier recreations of Marilyn Monroe's famous nude pictorial, it's been reported that Lohan will again drop trou for a stripping scene in Florence, in which the clearly-rehabilitated actress plays a nymphomaniac waitress. Why will this give her more credibility? A source revealed, "She just wants to remind people she can act and she's worth hiring."

Man, that's right! After I Know Who Killed Me, I totally forgot that Lindsay Lohan is a great actress. Sometimes you just need to see a heavily-freckled tit or two to jog your memory, you know?

Lindsay Lohan to Strip Naked in 'Florence'? [Ace Showbiz]

Oct 16 2007 Lindsay Lohan Would Be Good Playboy Bunny

Since Brett Ratner announced he was making Rush Hour 4 in the form of a Hugh Hefner biopic, gossip has been swirling about who will play the speaking-part Playboy Bunnies. (It's obvious from The Girls Next Door that they can barely play their constructed existences in real life, let alone a film.)

Finally, has B.R. given us the first hint of who we could see objectified. Responding to E!'s in-depth, alliterative question of "whether or not the rehabbed hottie could hack it," he said...

She's very talented...if she's sober. She would be great as a Playboy Bunny.

Whether he meant Playboy Bunny in the movie or as an alternative to getting sober wasn't clear. But on that subject, here are some other, similar good potential roles for Lindsay Lohan:

- Stripper (done!)
- General Slut
- Attention whore
- Drug addict
- Anthropomorphic crashing plane, spiraling to the earth in the showiest way possible
- Defendant in a Law & Order case clearly based on Lindsay Lohan
- Any combination of the above

Struts 'n' Such [E!]

Jul 25 2007 Homer Does Monologue, Schneider Does Lohan

In case you missed it, and I'm assuming you did because who the hell watches Jay Leno anyway, here's Homer's monologue from last night's Tonight Show. Later in the show, Rob Schneider came in dressed as Lindsay Lohan (video after the jump). This is Rob Schneider's first foray into non-ethnic impressions in a while. Impressions are good because you can make bad jokes and when people don't laugh you just claim you were in character.

"What? No, I'm not making bad topical jokes about the astronaut from two months ago and catholic priests, I'm pretending to be Lindsay Lohan! Because she totally does that! Get it? I'm an actor."

It was brave of him to play Lindsay Lohan as a hacky, old school comic, not a lot of people would've take that risk. By the way, anyone else notice that even with platform shoes on, Schneider's still a head shorter than Jay Leno? Is he like 4' 11"?

Continue Reading " Homer Does Monologue, Schneider Does Lohan "

Jun 29 2007 Lindsay Lohan Playing Paris Hilton?

In news that's given the editorial staff of Us magazine huge boners, Lindsay Lohan is rumored to be in talks to portray Paris Hilton in a movie about her life, with Britney Spears supplying the music! Besides the obvious issue--that Paris Hilton hasn't done anything in her life worth telling--I don't see why Paris wouldn't be playing herself. In case you missed The Hillz or National Lampoon's Pledge This!, Ms. Hilton is fully capable of delivering riveting performances, and has in-essence been playing herself for years, being that she is a completely disingenuous fraud.

So is casting a coked-up party girl as a coked-up party girl the best casting ever or a huge cop-out? Would you feel differently if they were casting one freakish, alien-worshiping closet homosexual as another (John Travolta playing Tom Cruise, or vise versa)?

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