Aug 13 2007 Bear-like Matt Damon on Arthur
This television news may not be particularly relevant to those over ten, but Matt Damon will be playing himself as some sort of furry mammal with bangs on the September 3rd episode of the PBS series Arthur. I thought it was worth mentioning how f***ing creepy he looks, particularly with his skin-tight phallus jersey. Those in kindergarten who loved The Bourne Ultimatum will want to check it out.
Guess Who's Getting Animated [Pop Candy]
May 23 2007 Underdog Trailer As Good As Expected
I'm sorry, did I say yesterday that Bratz and My Super Sweet 16 were the movies I was most looking forward to? Stupid me, I forgot all about Underdog! This shit is off the chain!*
*Why was this not the tagline?
May 22 2007 Shrek 4: The Origin Story
Though I'm barely recovered from the pure joy that was this weekend's box office winner, Shrek the Third (I'm already calling it "Shrek the Best!"), Jeffrey Katzenberg has announced DreamWorks is starting on an origin story for the lovable ogre, since he'd always envisioned Shrek's story as a four-parter. Thank God it's not just because this one made $122 million in one weekend! I worried they'd try to milk something like that for more sequels just to make more money, so it's refreshing to hear that's definitely not what they're doing. He clearly always thought there would be four of them: three in succession, then one that seems like an afterthought, but definitely isn't. Another victory for integrity, quality family entertainment, and Shrek-loving audiences!*
*Everyone loves Shrek.
May 1 2007 Nine Minutes of Ratatouille Online
Disney gambles on the popularity of a cartoon rodent.
Those interested in Pixar's latest effort should head to Disney's site, where nine minutes of the film have been posted. It appears Disney and Pixar have really taken a gamble with this one, daringly presenting the computer-generated story of an anthropomorphized rodent and an unlikely friendship, all with a dose of non-offensive humor and adventure. Additionally, the filmmakers have taken the risk of adding several goofy, somewhat-unbelievable characters to the mix. Strangely, the untested elements combine beautifully, creating a picture that would actually play quite well to two seemingly disparate groups: parents and children.
"Take ten" and watch the nine minutes of footage here. Use the final minute for reflection.
Apr 26 2007 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Poster
The one-sheet for the new Harry Potter film (above) documents an event rarely seen at all, yet alone in the poster of a children's movie: the Pedophile Temptation Gauntlet. Step 10 of the 11-step road to recovery, the Pedophile Temptation Gauntlet (PTG) must be successfully traversed without signs of visible arousal (yes, "half-wood" counts) before the pedophile can move on to the final step: not kidnapping and raping children.
Apr 12 2007 Strawberry Shortcake and Care Bears Returning to TV
From the Hollywood Reporter, CBS has plans to bring '80s cartoon classics Strawberry Shortcake and Care Bears back to television, allowing another generation of girls and gayish boys to celebrate animated rainbows and desserts.
The article goes on to explain that Care Bears will feature "a new take on such original characters as Cheer Bear, Funshine and Grumpy," and I'm really curious how exactly they're going to do this. I understand that Funshine was always a layered, complex character, but how many takes can you have on a character named Grumpy? His personality seems pretty set in stone.
Apr 10 2007 Bratz Poster(z)
While Transformers may be the big blockbuster toyline-turned-movie this year, there's a sassier, brattier group of us eagerly awaiting another entry in this category. That's right, I'm talkin' 'bout Bratz. In this first poster for the live-action adaptation, we see Shifty Brat, Suspicious Brat, Dead Eyes Brat, and Winksy Brat (may not be actual Brat names) doin' their thang. Right on, grrlz!
Bratz Fact: Though it's officially a poster, I use it more as an abduction catalog. Number 2, you're comin' with me.
Apr 2 2007 Shrek the Third Poster, Plus Shrek 4!
I'd love to smack that smug grin off his big fat ugly face. Would you?
Along with this new French poster for the latest Shrek film comes the information that there is a fourth addition to series already forming. With this news, it just keeps getting more and more likely that these animated movies are the horsemen of the apocalypse. Our end will come to the funky tunes of Smashmouth.
Mar 26 2007 The Golden Compass "Sizzle Reel"
The His Dark Materials trilogy looks to join Harry Potter and Narnia in the genre of young-adult-fantasy-spectacular with its first entry, The Golden Compass. Though the effects are far from finished, what I'm told is referred to as a "sizzle reel" has shown up online, giving a preview of the film. If, like me, you assumed anything with the term sizzle in it included bacon, bikini babes or a Sizzler, you're in for a disappointing surprise.
If you're interested, you'd better hurry. One can only sizzle for so long.
Mar 26 2007 New Ratatouille Trailer
Hey, dudes, here's a new trailer for Pixar's Ratatouille on the scene, so all those old Ratatouille trailers can shove it. Hurry up and watch before Randy Newman writes a stupid song for it.
If the YouTube link goes down, it's on the Disney site.
Mar 21 2007 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Posters
IMPA has a collection of posters from TMNT that would look great on your dorm room walls. Hanging them shares the message that you both embrace the nostalgia of your childhood and never want to have sex again.
Mar 20 2007 Shrek the Third Poster
In the new poster for Shrek the Third, it's revealed that our portly green hero is "in for the royal treatment." If you've ever been in prison, you know exactly what that means and can understand the disgust in Shrek's face. I have the feeling that outfit isn't going to help either.
Mar 16 2007 Chinese Ratatouille Trailer
A new verion of Pixar's Ratatouille trailer is littered with the nonsensical scribblings of the Chinese language, but plays out a scene to set up the story of the film for all those wondering just what this one's all about. It seems a young chef that has no talent for his craft discovers a sentient rat that understands the English they're speaking in Paris and forges a bond wherein the filthy animal will prepare meals for him. Pixar looks to have scored another hit, as with Toy Story and Cars, by animating the insane delusions of a madman.
Feb 22 2007 Scorsese Adapting Children's Novel?
As reported by Variety, Martin Scorsese's future directorial efforts may include the children's novel The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick, which Warner Bros. has just acquired the right to adapt.
Published last month by Scholastic, "The Invention of Hugo Cabret" concerns a 12-year-old orphan who lives in the walls of a Paris train station in 1930 and a mystery involving the boy, his late father and a robot.
I'll be interested to see how Scorsese adapts his typically tough-guy style of filmmaking to a children's book. I'll be even more interested to see how the kids react when the movie's robot, now Italian and played by Robert DeNiro, pulls the orphan boy's teeth out one by one for disrespecting his robot family.
