Nov 13 2009 'Grown-Ups' Trailer: The Bad Boys of SNL Plus Surrogate Have Aged
The trailer for the childhood-friends-reunite-as-adults film Grown-Ups is here. Watching it, I have to think this will probably be a new generation's The Big Chill. Except no it won't, because The Big Chill was college friends, and it never included gags where Jeff Goldblum swings into a tree and comically rolls down a hill. Maybe it's a new generation's Now and Then, without any of the flashback scenes? Or maybe it's just The Bad Boys of SNL Reunite as Dads, and Also King of Queens Is Here Instead of Chris Farley (RIP):
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May 21 2009 'Paul Blart: Zookeeper' Gets Its Ridiculously Unlikely Love Interest
The beautiful, miniature-panty-licking Rosario Dawson has signed on to play the love interest in Kevin James's newest pedestrian job-based comedy, The Zookeeper. Because that's a believable couple. And also a thoroughly believable movie story involving animal matchmakers:
Rosario Dawson will star opposite Kevin James in romantic comedy "The Zookeeper," with Happy Madison producing along with James, Todd Garner, Jeff Sussman and Jennifer Eatz.Live actioner centers on zoo animals trying to teach the keeper their methods of dating and mating to help him win back the woman of his dreams.
Ohhhh, he's winning back Rosario Dawson. I thought he'd be wooing her for the first time. That makes sense then. He used to date Rosario Dawson, but then they broke up because he didn't know how to mate, but now the two will get back together because sentient zoo animals have since taught Kevin James animal methods of sex. That plot is sound. I see how this could work out well:
Penguin: "Insert your penis into her vagina."
Paul Blart: "I can't! I'm on a Segway! This is crazy!"
Rosario Dawson: "I love you. Again."
Announcer: "Buy The Zookeeper on DVD and Blu-ray this Tuesday."
'Zookeeper' locks up Rosario Dawson [Variety]
Feb 13 2009 Kevin James Hired for Another Dull Profession
He's played a UPS driver; he's played a fireman; he's played a Paul Blart mall cop; he played a profession I can't recall in Hitch; but what blue collar profession will Kevin James tackle next? A zookeeper. He'll play a zookeeper:
Kevin James, fresh from "Paul Blart: Mall Cop," will star in the title role in MGM's "The Zookeeper" for director Frank Coraci.In a reteam of "Blart" producers, Happy Madison's producing with James and Jeff Sussman through their Hey Eddie shingle and Todd Garner through his Broken Road banner.
"Zookeeper," penned by Jay Scherick and David Ronn, centers on a lonely zookeeper who decides to leave his job because he can't meet a girl, leading to intervention by the zoo's animals.
Kevin James is truly a jack-of-all-trades-that-don't-require-a-degree. He'd better watch out with the animal intervention thing though--he's getting dangerously close to Brendan Fraser's territory.
Feb 11 2009 1992 Cast of SNL and King of Queens Making a Movie
This can't go well:
Kevin James, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider and David Spade are in negotiations to star in an untitled comedy for Columbia Pictures.Frequent Sandler collaborator Dennis Dugan ("You Don't Mess With the Zohan") will helm, with the studio gearing up for a summer start date.
Sandler's Sony-based Happy Madison shingle, which recently teamed with James and the studio on the box office hit "Paul Blart: Mall Cop," is producing.
Sandler penned the screenplay with "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star" scribe Fred Wolf. High-concept story is a comedy about five best friends from high school who reunite 30 years later on a Fourth of July weekend.
So what they're getting at is that this is a movie about SNL, but instead of calling it "a popular, weekly sketch comedy program" they're calling it "high school", and instead of Chris Farley it's Kevin James. I can't quite figure out what the reuniting on "Fourth of July weekend" part represents. Maybe a declaration of independence from genuine laughter?
Columbia pic gets Sandler and friends [Variety]
Oct 2 2008 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' Trailer Will Make You Cry
What do you get when you combine Die Hard, The King of Queens, Martin Lawrence: Security Guard, and fat jokes? This unfortunate thing:
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Aug 11 2008 This 'Mall Cop' Video is Going to Go So Viral You'll Need a Once-Daily Pill to Fight It
You guys have got to see this crazy video where this dude skateboards in a mall and spraypaints the outside wall. Crazy already, right? That's just the beginning! This stodgy old security guard on a Segway--who looks suspiciously like the King of Queens with a fake mustache--tries to stop him, but this skater guy is all like, "I don't think so, K.O.Q." and starts spraypainting the security guard! And doing awkward, repetitive improv with him! If there is ever a movie called Paul Blart: Mall Cop based on this completely unplanned event that I want to show all of my internet friends, I am totally going to see it. Then kill myself.
Sep 26 2007 Kevin James to Play 'Mall Cop' ...of Queens
You know one profession that hasn't been degraded enough through history? Mall cops. Despite the late hours, the goofy cop-like uniforms, the incessant mocking by teenagers, the stupid little cart with the flashing yellow light, and the lack of absolutely any actual power, I worry this group may be getting a bit haughty. And though the security guard is almost always portrayed in film as a bumbling boob sleeping on the job, an ineffective protector, or a comic relief, no one has really laid into these guys to let them know just how worthless they are.
Thankfully, Kevin James is set to deflate their egos a bit with a writing/starring gig in Mall Cop. The story tells of a fat, mild-mannered security guard who's forced to try to prevent a gang of organized thieves from robbing the mall. It should be hilarious to see how such an feeble waste as a mall cop will handle a dangerous situation! Probably much like the actual impotent law-keepers would handle it--stupidly! And because this is a Happy Madison production, we've got a great chance of Rob Schneider playing an ambiguously-retarded security guard with a funny voice! Take that, mall cops!
Kevin James to star in 'Mall Cop' [Variety]
