Oct 30 2009 'Old Dogs' Looks No Better in Russian
Этот фильм является самым страшным созданием человека!!!
'Old Dogs' Poster [IMPA]
Sep 17 2009 'From Paris with Love' Trailer: From Travolta's Mouth with Smugness
As if John Travolta hadn't gnawed through enough scenery in Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, that smirking hole in the middle of his ridiculous goatee is chewing it up again, this time with Jonathan Rhys Meyers in From Paris with Love. It's basically Turner & Hooch, except instead of dog drool, the "good cop" character has to cope with Travolta's overacting:
Continue Reading " 'From Paris with Love' Trailer: From Travolta's Mouth with Smugness "
Jun 11 2009 There's a New 'Adjective Animals' Movie About Old Guys!
Ready for exaggerated physical comedy that screams at you like an infomercial host, some timely references to Gilmore Girls, and probably a full serving of spoon-fed life lessons? From the director of Wild Hogs, it's Old Dogs, starring Robin Williams and John Travolta, and featuring John Travolta's family as Robin Williams's family.
Here's the trailer for the comedy that will have you saying, "There will definitely be outtakes playing under the credits." Watch for the completely batshit insane zookeeper:
Continue Reading " There's a New 'Adjective Animals' Movie About Old Guys! "
Apr 14 2009 See a Dog Consoling in This 'Old Dogs' Poster
I apologize for the low quality, but when you see an Old Dogs poster, you do not sit on it. The people need to know.
How much do you think was saved by using a Phenomenon headshot and a body double making a claw hand in place of Travolta? The answer is: enough to pay for a dowel rod, some wire, and some synthetic dog fur.
Old Dogs Poster [IMPA]
Feb 13 2009 'Taking of Pelham 1 2 3' Trailer Needs Less Travolta
Everyone can learn something today from this Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 trailer: if you're going to make one of those good guy versus criminal mad-man psychological battle movies, you've got get a good actor for both roles. A De Niro and a Pacino, maybe a Kevin Spacey and a Samuel L. Jackson if you're desperate. A Travolta does not work. It's an honest mistake, but one we should have known to avoid post-Battlefield Earth.
Now on to the bigger issue: does the subway control center look anything like this representation? A giant screen with all the tracks and trains lit up and moving around is actually the image I've had in my mind for some time (either that or all the tracks connecting to a giant brain under Grand Central), but I recognized I'm an idiot and that it probably looks nothing like that. MTA.info doesn't seem to provide this particular info.
Continue Reading " 'Taking of Pelham 1 2 3' Trailer Needs Less Travolta "
Feb 10 2009 'Taking of Pelham 1 2 3' Poster a Sea of Blue, Gold, and Goatees
When did Denzel Washington become Morgan Freeman? Answer: around the same time John Travolta became a leather daddy. I think it was last year some time.
Pelham poster! [JoBlo]
Dec 23 2008 'From Paris with Love' Teaser: John Travolta Shoots a Rocket Launcher
Everything John Travolta is doing here is great. John Travolta's head, John Travolta verifying the contents of a can of soda, John Travolta calling a cop a motherfucker, John Travolta shooting a rocket launcher, John Travolta saying "Welcome to Paris, baby": all top notch. This is going to be Travolta's second second coming, reinventing him as some kind of bald maniac.
Continue Reading " 'From Paris with Love' Teaser: John Travolta Shoots a Rocket Launcher "
Nov 7 2008 'Bolt' Trailer Fails to Raise the Amazing Dog Bar
Disney has released a new trailer for Bolt, the Homeward Bound-esque story of the dog star of an action series who must find his way home after coming to the terms with the somber reality that he possesses none of the powers of his on-screen alter ego. I'm curious how this will play in a post-Air Bud world, an existence where children have been exposed to a dog that actually has amazing abilities. I know if I were a kid, I would be super pissed that Bolt probably can't even play that great of a game of baseball, whereas Air Bud is adept at every sport, and has solved several serious crimes. Bolt simply does not measure up to the current standard of awesome dogs.
Continue Reading " 'Bolt' Trailer Fails to Raise the Amazing Dog Bar "
Jun 27 2008 'Bolt' Trailer: What It Could Have Been Far Better Than What It Is
Empire has the trailer to Disney's Bolt, the new typically-saccharine animated film starring the voices of Hannah Montana and Scientology. Please watch it, because I want to know if I'm the only one disappointed when this trailer transitions from the story of a cyborg dog saving a girl's war-prisoner father into some kind of delusion-driven fusion of Galaxy Quest and Homeward Bound with Animaniac cameos. I'd much rather see the first story, with a candy-colored Disney POW camp being liberated by a robotic canine gnawing through the wires that connect the prisoners' nipples to car batteries. Moreover, I want the Burger King toy that would result from that scene.
'Bolt' Trailer [Empire]
Jun 20 2008 'Bolt' Advance Poster Reminds Us, Oh Crap, I Forgot They're in This
I bet you thought you'd have to wait until the apocalypse to see these two names astride a lightning bolt. Surprise!
Bolt Poster [IMPA]
Dec 27 2007 First Look at Disney's 'Bolt', Travolta as Ugly CGI Dog
With this first image from Bolt, Disney reminds you that, in-between their charming Pixar releases, they also have some other cutesy shlock to throw at you.
The family-friendly giant looks to be taking their classic Homeward Bound formula (two dogs and a cat go cross-country) and sprucing it up by adding fancy computer graphics and another link in the domesticated food chain. I can't wait until 2050, when we'll get a holographic version and the addition of an anthropomorphic vegetable pellet.
First Look: Disney's Bolt [First Showing]
Jul 16 2007 Seth Green to Play World's Smallest Executive
Ladies love it when I stand diagonal. Rowr!
Seth Green is set to join Robin Williams, John Travolta, Kelly Preston, and Matt Dillon in Old Dogs, the most strangely casted movie ever.
"Dogs" is a buddy comedy revolving around two best friends and business partners whose lives are turned upside down when they find themselves taking care of 7-year-old twins.Green will play an executive with the global marketing firm run by Travolta and Williams' characters as they are closing a big deal with a Japanese conglomerate. He is eager to prepare for his move to Tokyo and show off his Harvard MBA and Japanese cultural skills.
Obviously it's a comedy, because that's the only time you could cast Seth Green as a corporate exec. Can you really picture that guy as an authority figure? He'd walk in wearing a comically oversized suit and tell you to stop reading movie blogs and get back to work and you'd just giggle and be like, "Hee hee, whatever you say, Professor von Tinyjew! I can't resist those dimples!"
Jun 15 2007 Hairspray Clip Makes me Die on Inside
"For the last time, my son is NOT autistic!"
The MTV movie blog has an exclusive clip from Hairspray. This is noteworthy in the sense that, in less than two minutes, it manages to squeeze in almost everything I hate about bad movies: stilted dialogue, cross dressing, poorly executed regional accents, "sassy" black people saying "sassy" things for "comic" relief, bad fat jokes, ugly people, and many more. Since watching this clip, I have the sudden urge to suck ten dicks.
Apr 23 2007 The Language of Crap is Universal
Kazakhstani title: Pig Rides Motorbikes
As further proof that foreigners are just as dumb we are, Wild Hogs grabbed the top spot at the international box office.
See, there's no reason to fear them. Because despite their excess body hair, poor dental hygiene, and belief that cologne can substitute for a shower, ethnic types are just like us. Beneath their swarthy exteriors breathe proud, xenophobic Americans, dying to blow their hard-earned cash on cinematic abortions starring Tim Allen.
We are the world/We are the children...
