May 15 2009 Richard Gere Owned the Best Non-Sports-Playing Dog Ever: The Movie

Haven't you always wanted to see a film about Richard Gere as a professor that owned a really great dog that faithfully met him at the train station each day, and was later either so loyal or habit-driven that it continued the tradition for another ten years after Richard Gere's death? No? You probably aren't Japanese then, because they're apparently really looking forward to Hachiko: A Dog's Story, the Hallmark quality, based-on-a-true-story movie about an animal understanding repetition more than human mortality.

This is the kind of dog you could really trust alone with your wife:

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Aug 15 2008 R-Rated 'Death Race' Trailer Has Effs, CS'ers, Blood

My favorite part is when Ian McShane says, "This should be interesting." Because, no it shouldn't.

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Jun 26 2008 'Death Race' Poster -- Hey, That Notably Dour Woman is in This?!

Do you think Joan Allen had a deal in her contract that her face would be presented larger than the hot girl, just because she's a known and respected actress and the hot girl is only known as "the hot girl"? Because I can pretty much guarantee you that anyone looking to see a film about prisoners racing and trying to murder each other in armed cars is going to be more interested in the prospect of youthful cleavage than in the stern grimace of Joan Allen. Sorry, Joan. At least Statham has a goatee with surrounding facial hair overcoming it--that's exactly the facial hair I'd expect a NASCAR-racing prisoner to have.

The Death Race Poster [Shock Till You Drop]

Jun 17 2008 'Death Race' Trailer: What You'd Expect and More!

The trailer for Paul W.S. Anderson's Death Race remake has been out for several days, yet somehow I missed/subconsciously avoided the emails notifying me of it until now. So, I just watched it, and it was basically exactly what anyone would expect from a famously-awful director's remake of Death Race 2000--except for the following items, which I found much stupider than human logic would allow:

- The line, "The rules are simple: there are no rules." Even if the challenge were to write a script composed entirely of clichés, it would still be unacceptably cliché to include that line.

- The part where the cops come in to arrest a framed Jason Statham, and the guy who framed him sticks around, staying within sight of the arrest, so that he can alert us and Jason to the fact that he's falsely incriminating him. Was Anderson worried all the painful exposition that deliberately explains the framing wouldn't be enough?

- The introduction of the hot babe element. I knew from previous photos there was at least one cutie, but I never imagined her arrival being so absurd. The women's prison is composed entirely of potential FHM models? They're allowed to be navigators on the Death Race? The male inmates, who already face enough sexual frustration to violently rape each other (so Oz and prison jokes tell me), don't immediately "R" them? Jeez.

- You'd think the revelation that one of the rival racers is the guy the warden paid to kill Jason Statham's wife would be a dramatic plot point to save for the full movie experience. Not the case! It's all spelled out right here.

- Guns N' Roses? Fine.

- I'll obviously never pay to see this, but I'm surprisingly excited about the prospect of catching a highly-edited version on basic cable at two in the morning.

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