Apr 22 2009 Stoning Not At All Amusing Outside of Monty Python Scenes
Here's a horrible way to start the day: with the trailer for a film that tells the depressing true story of a woman being stoned in Iran. You've probably heard similarly gruesome stories on the news, but it's almost more real when the tale is being told to Jim Caviezel in a prosthetic nose.
It's time to re-examine your favorable view of misogynistic mob rule:
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Jan 14 2009 'Outlander' Poster: Where's the Alien Freak Thing and/or Viking Armies?
What you're seeing is the dumbest way to market a movie in which a space man and vikings team up to fight a horrible alien dragon-beast. I know the star's floating head is classic poster philosophy, but this is selling a pizza with a photo of the crust. Let's not be stupid.
Outlander Poster [IMPA]
Oct 30 2008 'Long Weekend' Trailer: Saturday, Sunday, and Friday Night Never Seemed Longer
Jim Caviezel and wife are enjoying a nice long weekend on an idyllic beach. Just throwing some bottles into the ocean and shooting them, spraying anthills with poison, playing old Moby songs--you know, typical beach activities. But it turns out Mother Nature hates those classic American recreations! Mother Nature wants to take away Jim Caviezel's right to throw a beer bottle into the ocean and fire a rifle at it. So Mother Nature starts delivering dead manatees to Jim's campsite, hoping he'll "get the message." And there's some lizards, and a snake, and god, Jim, don't lift that metal bowl!
Here's the trailer. You'll see:
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Jul 16 2008 'Vikings v. Alien Freak' Trailer, Volume II
It seems like only yesterday (it was Friday) I first became aware of the epic, ongoing struggle between Viking, crash-landed space pilot, and alien beast with glowing eyes when I saw the trailer for Outlander. Now, days later, there's already a second preview for this timeless match-up?! I hope this isn't a sign that we're headed towards a non-stop, Dark Knight-style viral campaign assault from Outlander, full of alien-defaced images of Norsemen, growled telephone calls from space beasts, and Dominos pizzas ads wherein aliens and vikings feud over toppings. Wait, no, I do hope that.
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Jul 11 2008 'Outlander' Trailer: Classic Battle of Vikings Vs. Alien Beast Finally Visualized
Attention to all my friends: you know all those long, stupid conversations we have where we ask each other pointless questions and debate them ad nauseam--like if X-Men's Beast could take Donkey Kong in a fight, or how many toddlers Mike Tyson could take out (in a hypothetical environment of infinite toddlers) before succumbing to fatigue and ultimately being overtaken? Well, someone has been bugging those conversations, and they're now releasing one of them as a movie that you'd think would be a Sci Fi Channel original but isn't. It's the scenario where we were like, "OK, how about like a full viking army versus this really awesome space dragon? BUT, the vikings have Ron Pearlman and a futuristic humanoid who once played Jesus on their side."
