Nov 18 2009 Proof Japan Remade 'Sideways'
The person who posted this trailer on YouTube labeled it "bizarre," but the Japanese have created too many genuinely bizarre things to really say this is bizarre. It's more surreal, like you've woken up in a parallel universe where everything is the same, except in Japanese. Though I guess it is a little bizarre how quickly the trailer devolves into a karaoke video:
Nov 6 2009 Someone Finally Thought To Make Aliens Fight Ninjas
Specifically, the nation of Japan thought of that, opening the floodgates for Pirates vs. Predator, Zombies vs. Freddy, and Whatever Group Internet Culture Has Deemed Cool vs. Standard Versus Character.
This is the plot (the plot is basically ninjas fighting aliens):
Once upon a time in Japan, there was a band of great Ninja warriors led by Yamata called Iga Ninja. One day they witness a flash in the sky and a roaring giant ball of fire crashes into the distant forest. The warriors rush into the deep woods in an attempt to identify the mysterious fireball. There, instead of finding predictable enemies, they are stunned to face never-seen-before creatures with claws and fangs, the aliens! The hungry brutal aliens start to savage and feast on the Ninja warriors, leaving only a few to survive. Yamata and his warriors swear to avenge their comrades' deaths and risk their lives to challenge the aliens. However, none of the Ninja weapons, neither their swords nor their throwing stars, has any affect on the alien warriors. Now the Japanese greatest Iga Ninja face the biggest challenge ever!
Anyone else let down that the ninja weapons apparently have no effect on the aliens? If these ninjas aren't using swords or throwing stars, I'm not sure I care to see these ninjas. A ninja not using swords or throwing stars basically ceases to be a ninja (unless he's instead swinging nunchaku). That's just an asshole wearing a lot of black, fighting an alien.
Aug 26 2009 '2012' Trailer Japanese Style
Think the American 2012 trailer looked good? Wait until you see the Japanese trailer! It's still mostly shots of Earth crumbling to pieces--along with John Cusack expressing, "Ut-ohs, the Earth!"--but this time there are Japanese subtitles! But if you're really into watching ground caving in, you will love this:
Aug 12 2009 More Madness From Japan: New 'RoboGeisha' Trailer
If you liked watching a buzzsaw blade come out of the mouth of a bionic geisha in the first RoboGeisha trailer, then you'll love watching our cyborg conversationalist stab a man's eyes out with deep-fried seafood in this new trailer. You'd be a fool not to.
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Jun 30 2009 Madness From Japan: 'RoboGeisha'
It's basically RoboCop, except the robot is a geisha, the narrator is Japanese Satan, and every moment is complete insanity:
Jun 9 2009 There's a New Sex Doll Romance in Town
Sick of having to watch Lars and the Real Girl, Mannequin, and Pinocchio individually to get your fill of sex doll romance and effigies come to life? You're in luck! The always-innovative Japanese have used their superior technologies to merge them all into one touching, inflatable-doll-with-a-soul romance.
From Twitch, here's the trailer for Air Doll (I'll have to re-title my basketball-playing doll script):
Apr 15 2009 More Japanese Grindhouse-style Madness: 'Samurai Princess'
The guys at TwitchFilm, always abreast of developments in Japan's surreal, low-budget, cartoonish gore-filled film scene, have found a new entry in the category that won't disappoint. From Tokyo Gore Police writer Kengo Kaji comes Samurai Princess, a film that nearly matches TGP's level of grotesque insanity with the inclusion of such crazy shit as: breast grenades, rocket feet, a Planet Terror-esque scissor leg, and, of course, gallons of bright, spurting blood.
"What does the tallest android want?" Find out:
Continue Reading " More Japanese Grindhouse-style Madness: 'Samurai Princess' "
Mar 16 2009 Classic Japanese Battle: Spider-Man Versus Professor Monster
As anyone who's looked through Chip Kidd's bizarre and hilarious Bat-Manga knows, giving the Japanese full control of mainstream American comic superheroes inevitably leads to madness. Watching their vision of the characters is like remembering a dream where, once lucid, you realize you got almost everything wrong. Case in point, Japan's '70s Spider-Man series, which, having been fed through the Sony Japanimizer, bears more than a passing resemblance to Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Here's the trailer:
Continue Reading " Classic Japanese Battle: Spider-Man Versus Professor Monster "
Jan 9 2009 'High Kick Girl' Teaser Delivers Promised Actions and Genders
Japan already has several films titled Very Briefly Flashes Panties Girl, so for their latest exploration of the concept/fetish, they decided to go with the title High Kick Girl. Here's the extremely short teaser trailer (via Cinematical):
Continue Reading " 'High Kick Girl' Teaser Delivers Promised Actions and Genders "
Dec 23 2008 'Machine Girl' Number Two
I don't want to give too much away, but suffice to say this trailer is for a sequel to the insane, gore-filled, Japanese film Machine Girl. A new girl has taken on the responsibilities of the machine gun for an arm, and she's brought her own machine gun to boot. You'll love it:
Apr 30 2008 10 Cool (i.e. Crazy) Japanese Star Wars Posters
George Lucas may have made a few trillion dollars on the Star Wars franchise, but that doesn't mean he didn't have to sell a few satellite dishes along the way. Using a very loose definition of "cool", starwars.com has collected "10 cool Star Wars posters from Japan," including the above ad for the Panacolor X--a system that apparently involves both a satellite dish on a tetherball pole and a 29" television. Besides being massively entertaining in their strangeness, the collection provides a helpful lesson in the Japanese way of thinking. In the U.S., we'd probably just do something like mount the dish on the side of Millennium Falcon, replacing the dish that's already there; you know, something that makes some degree of sense. There, the most obvious selling strategy is the unsettling image of George Lucas riding a satellite dish like a broomstick, sandwiched between Chewbacca and an Ewok, which is insane.
See the other nine here.
Apr 14 2008 'Tokyo Gore Police' Doing a Horrible Job Policing Gore
Since it's probably just a little after you've eaten lunch, maybe right now isn't the best time to watch the trailer for Tokyo Gore Police. But later, when you're comfortable watching nearly five minutes of torn-off faces, hacked-off nipples, carnivorous plant vaginas, decapitations, head-splittings, and gallons and gallons of violently-spraying blood, make sure you do. It's well worth the proceeding hours of intense nausea.
Continue Reading " 'Tokyo Gore Police' Doing a Horrible Job Policing Gore "
Dec 11 2007 'Machine Girl' Trailer is Really Awesome
It's not often that a trailer makes me audibly shriek. Yet, somehow, Machine Girl elicited, not one, but several giddy screams and shouted expletives. This thing is like if an early-'90s Peter Jackson made Kill Bill, but with the borderline retarded sensibility of the Japanese. Plus, it's got a girl with a machine gun arm! And that's not even the coolest part! (The coolest part might be the drill bra.)
Continue Reading " 'Machine Girl' Trailer is Really Awesome "
Nov 28 2007 Japanese 'Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem' Trailer
If you're following the tireless on-screen battle between Alien aliens, Predator aliens, and sensible storylines (who isn't?), you'll want to take a look at this new Japanese trailer for Alien vs. Predator: Requiem.
I think it has at least a few new shots, plus it's fun to see that seemingly unrelated franchises battling for the sake of fanboys, video games, and confusion translates flawlessly between cultures.
If you watch it, let me know if you think it's weird they set half the action over Silent Night. I know this is coming out on Christmas Day, but that doesn't make it logical to play a carol over graphic alien violence. Transformers came out 4th of July weekend, and it's not like the trailer was set to the Star-Spangled Banner.
Japanese Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem Trailer [Yahoo! Japan]
Sep 11 2007 Japanese Furious Over Simpsons Voices, Lack of Tentacle Rape
Fans have momentarily paused their incessant quoting to start a petition to stop the change here, because, as one nerdy fanboy said, "Shouldn't our voices change before theirs do?"
Original Japanese Voice Actors Replaced [Japan Probe]
Jul 27 2007 First Stills from The Eye
Bloody Disgusting got the first shots of Jessica Alba in yet another Japanese Asian horror remake, The Eye. While a woman screaming into an oven is probably one of the weakest, and possibly most misogynistic, images they could show, I'm grateful it's not some ghastly pale kid in mascara like I assume will be in every one of these remakes.
The Eye tells the story of a woman (Alba) that finds she can see into a supernatural world after receiving an eye transplant. She should be lucky she didn't get Jerry Orbach's eyes, which, of course, allow one to see wisecracks through crime scenes.
One more under the cut.
Jul 16 2007 "Evan Armighty" to be Shelved
A fine mess you've gotten us into...
Poor Evan Almighty. It cost $210 million to make and still hasn't reached the $100 million dollar mark at the box office. And now comes the news that the film won't even be released in Japan.
Sources behind the decision say that it would've been too costly to re-imagine Noah as an attractive school girl whose panties are stolen by a vengeful octopus.
And now I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with all the Steve Carell hugging pillows I made.
Mar 2 2007 Paprika Trailer
While American animation continues to stagnate in the world of Shrek sequels, the Japanese are reinventing my nightmares with strange, surreal imagery and terrifying mutations, as seen in this trailer for Paprika. I don't know how to explain what it looks like except by saying that this might be your new "playing Pink Floyd and staring at a black light poster."
